Reaching the end of my rope

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aBeLLe787

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I’ve felt this way on and off to a certain degree for a while now. However for the past few days I’ve been in a way running from God, and it needs to stop now. Why do I run? I don’t know. Maybe I do know but I know it doesn’t make any sense.

For the past few days I haven’t been praying in any way, really. I haven’t talked to God much and have neglected my daily Rosary (I start saying it before bed then fall asleep…and don’t really care that much) I’ve come to a (silly) conclusion that whatever I say to Him or try to pray won’t matter because He never seems to answer or hear me anyway. I feel that I shouldn’t pray because then I’ll expect an answer and be disappointed as that always seems to happen, and I don’t want to be disappointed. I have learned not to expect too much of God because everytime I do it seems that I am let down.

I hear so many stories of people being filled with peace or love of God, a fire in their hearts, even for but a moment. Not me. I have asked God and have not received. So now I don’t want to ask Him anymore because I feel like it’s useless, He’ll do whatever He wants anyway and most likely it will not be what I’m asking Him. Why would He listen to me anyway? Sometimes I blame myself for wanting too much of the supernatural, miraculous things to do with faith and not enough normal everyday things. So I have tried not to ask God for any signs or anything else to do with that because He doesn’t seem to answer and I shouldn’t be testing Him anyway. I want to have faith and I want to believe, love, trust God. I don’t know how. I’ve told Him that before, that I don’t know how so He needs to help me. Well everything is still the same. So basically I’m stuck in a rut. I feel dry and like God is not really there or doesn’t want to hear me, I mean I’m just one person out of however many BILLION on this earth.

I know this is all flawed thinking, I’m well aware. Intellectually, I know God hears everyone and answers prayers and sometimes that takes time. I know perseverence is the key. Even though I know all that in my head, my heart and soul, in its dryness, does not feel it. I still feel the way I’ve described despite any comforting words from the Bible, the saints, or anything else. I get nothing out of it. I understand what I read or hear, but it seems to come in through one ear and exit through the other. I feel neither God’ love nor love for God. I want to feel it but can’t. At the same time I see how worthless, pointless and vain the material world is and I have no desire to wrap myself up in it. So, I have nowhere to go. The world doesn’t understand, and God seems silent. I’m in limbo. I’ve been in this spiritual limbo for a long time, and it’s getting worse now. What am I supposed to do?? 😦
 
I have been there, aBeLLe787! I know exactly how you feel. There are times when I’ve wondered if there is anything out there at all, including God.
Try and look at the bigger picture in order to gain perspective. There may be a reason for your “dry spell.” Perhaps you will feel God’s presence in your life later and by knowing what it’s like to not feel that, you will appreciate it all the more. Or perhaps there will be someone going through that feeling and you will be able to minister to them, calm their fears and relate your own story. There is a reason in everything.
I also started a “grateful journal.” Every night I would write down one thing in my life that I feel is a blessing. Looking back at those entries, I now see how incredibly blessed I have been, although at the time I thought my life was empty. Sometimes it’s just hard to see the forest for the trees.
 
Im sure everyone goes into that kind of slump now and then. After a while you bounce back with something new learned.

If I had to suggest something I would say challenge yourself to grow in some area of the faith.

For example read some Early Church Father writings, here on newadvent.org/fathers/
is a buch of them to read online for free.

I would suggest St Justin Martyr’s first and second apology if you dont know where to start.
 
Catholic Dude:
Im sure everyone goes into that kind of slump now and then. After a while you bounce back with something new learned.

If I had to suggest something I would say challenge yourself to grow in some area of the faith.

For example read some Early Church Father writings, here on newadvent.org/fathers/
is a buch of them to read online for free.

I would suggest St Justin Martyr’s first and second apology if you dont know where to start.
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All I really read are things about the church, its history, various saints, apologetics, etc…and while I learn in my head, it all makes sense, it doesn’t do much for me spiritually. I absorb information, but it doesn’t really change me. Like the past two days I haven’t prayed, yet have been reading a lot about church history. I enjoy reading and learning, but sometimes it almost seems like a distraction, even an escape into something…and this is weird but a lot of times when I read I think “did that really happen?” it seems more mythical, or at least in the depths of the past. Far removed from my everyday reality. I can read myself to death and still feel empty inside, it seems.
 
Your suffering from spiritual dryness, all Saints have had some form of this time to time.

It could be your bringing on yourself or Godis allowing you to Go through it.

tofind out if your bringing it on yourself you should ask some basic questions like…

Am i in Mortal sin?? do i have a special attachment that I place higher then God himself? Could I have offended God by something I thought over?? etc if you feel pretty sure this isnt the case then perhaps God is allowing you a trial for alittle time to help you grow more. Remember our faith and Love for God is not dependent upon our feelings but rather a resolute will , will to Love God , Will to have faith even in dryness. If you do this you will please God and his grace will support you.

Also remember that without God you can’t do anything, become more dependent upon him. Pray , Go to adoration , take holy Communion, CONFESSION, MEDIATE ON THE CROSS .

Godbless
 
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aBeLLe787:
I’ve felt this way on and off to a certain degree for a while now. However for the past few days I’ve been in a way running from God, and it needs to stop now. Why do I run? I don’t know. Maybe I do know but I know it doesn’t make any sense.

For the past few days I haven’t been praying in any way, really. I haven’t talked to God much and have neglected my daily Rosary (I start saying it before bed then fall asleep…and don’t really care that much) I’ve come to a (silly) conclusion that whatever I say to Him or try to pray won’t matter because He never seems to answer or hear me anyway. I feel that I shouldn’t pray because then I’ll expect an answer and be disappointed as that always seems to happen, and I don’t want to be disappointed. I have learned not to expect too much of God because everytime I do it seems that I am let down.

I hear so many stories of people being filled with peace or love of God, a fire in their hearts, even for but a moment. Not me. I have asked God and have not received. So now I don’t want to ask Him anymore because I feel like it’s useless, He’ll do whatever He wants anyway and most likely it will not be what I’m asking Him. Why would He listen to me anyway? Sometimes I blame myself for wanting too much of the supernatural, miraculous things to do with faith and not enough normal everyday things. So I have tried not to ask God for any signs or anything else to do with that because He doesn’t seem to answer and I shouldn’t be testing Him anyway. I want to have faith and I want to believe, love, trust God. I don’t know how. I’ve told Him that before, that I don’t know how so He needs to help me. Well everything is still the same. So basically I’m stuck in a rut. I feel dry and like God is not really there or doesn’t want to hear me, I mean I’m just one person out of however many BILLION on this earth.

I know this is all flawed thinking, I’m well aware. Intellectually, I know God hears everyone and answers prayers and sometimes that takes time. I know perseverence is the key. Even though I know all that in my head, my heart and soul, in its dryness, does not feel it. I still feel the way I’ve described despite any comforting words from the Bible, the saints, or anything else. I get nothing out of it. I understand what I read or hear, but it seems to come in through one ear and exit through the other. I feel neither God’ love nor love for God. I want to feel it but can’t. At the same time I see how worthless, pointless and vain the material world is and I have no desire to wrap myself up in it. So, I have nowhere to go. The world doesn’t understand, and God seems silent. I’m in limbo. I’ve been in this spiritual limbo for a long time, and it’s getting worse now. What am I supposed to do?? 😦
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A great ingredient to help you along your path is to also obtain help from other spiritual advisers. Please go to your local library today and pick up a few books bu Joel Goldsmith and read them non-stop until you understand them…The rest of your journey will be laid out for you daily, remember to reconnect daily, we don,t always wake up “connected” each day…
 
You may have heard this one before, but have you gone to confession and told the priest everything your feeling? I was in a state of spiritual dryness myself for 9 long years. I felt I was living to please others, and not even caring about God or myself. I felt that praying to Him was pointless because I was a disappointment , and He didn’t want to hear from me. So, in effect, I quit praying almost altogether. I felt, what’s the point? I thought that since I was a disappointment, then why bother praying? He wouldn’t want to hear me anyways. I was a jw at this time. When I was coming out of the belief I felt totally alienated from God, This was when my spiritual dryness was at its worse. I gave up. I didn’t want anything to do with religion at all until about 1999. I went back to the Catholic church off and on until about 3 years ago. Then, my mom was telling me about
her faith one day, and then I got serious about my belief in God, and started to come back to the Church full time. It took alot of praying, perseverance, and not giving up to end my spell of dryness. God did listen to me, in fact, He was listening all the time! Maybe He allowed me to go through the dry spell to refine me, and
make me the Christian I knew I was underneath. I went to confession in 1999 and told the priest about my association with the jw’s, and was absolved, but I still
felt unreal and dry. I thought to myself at that time
“what is the point? Iam a disappointment to God, why would He want me to be in the Church, why would He even want me at all” ? Then came my mom. I took a long hard look at those years, my former marriage, my
affilation with that cult, and at myself. I was sourrounded
by family who are devoted Catholics, and I felt freer than
I have ever felt in my life. It was like my life had been dammed up by clutter, and when I came back to the One True Church for good, the river broke free and I
knew then that God had always been listening to me!
I feel His love daily, hourly, and minutely, secondly. Every hour of everyday I feel God’s infinite love for me,
and for everyone on earth. Someday your dryness will
come to an end, persevere in prayer, keep saying your Rosary, go to confession! Sorround yourself by people
who love you, and care for you, keep going to Church,
keep being here. There are so many fantastic people
on this site that have all had spells like you, and like me,
They persevere, and so will you. Offer everything up to Christ, and when you least expect it, He will help you
end your spiritual dryness! God bless you!!! 👍
 
Never enter into prayer expecting anything. That’s not what prayer is for. Any feelings or consolations we might receive in prayer are only icing on the cake.

God knows all about you and your situation. He is calling you into a deeper prayer life in which you don’t consider yourself and what you want at all. He is doing this out of love for you–so you will become totally dependent on him and not on yourself.

Don’t try to do this or that or the other thing to get back what you think you’ve lost. Let go of everything you ever thought you had and just rest in God’s arms. Pray your rosary and go to sleep. God isn’t keeping track of how many Hail Marys you say. He’s much more interested in your intentions than in your perfect recitation of any prayers.

Remember Jesus suffered such dryness in the desert–it was a part of the process, even for him, of being perfected in God’s love and obedience. If even Jesus had to go through it in order to come out detached from everything except his Father, then we can certainly expect God will not spare us from the same sort of purging of our hearts and intentions.
 
Many people suffer spiritual dryness in their lives.

The most notable I think is Blessed Mother Theresa who experience dryness most of the last 50 years of her life.

Read my meditation on “Growing in the Spiritual Desert”. You may find it helpful.
 
Don’t worry about feeling anything. Father John Corapi says that love isn’t a feeling it’s an act of the will. We may not feel like looking after our sick mother becvause we’re so tired etc but we do it because we love her.
I spoke to a priest about not feeling that Jesus was there at adoration as lots of people I know would feel wonderful during and after, and how going brings changes etc. He said it just neccessary to KNOW He was there.
In my experience what ever anyone suggested didn’t work. I just tried to pray a little. Maybe just “Jesus I trust in You” Satan is trying to tell you your’e not worth it but you are. I will say my rosary for you this evening.
God love you!
 
Why are you placing conditions on God’s love for you?

Reread your initial post here and look at the ways you’ve set limits on God.
He isn’t loving you the way you want Him to.
He isn’t speaking to you the way you want Him to.
He isn’t helping you the way you want Him to.

You’re doing X, Y, Z just the way you think it’s supposed to be done expecting A, B, C in return.

It doesn’t work that way.

So ask yourself why you’re being this way?
It hasn’t served you well.
It’s left you feeling dry and abandoned.

You acknowledge you feel like you’re running from Him, but what your post indicates is that you’re building walls and fences around you so that He can’t come in.

Ponder on that for awhile and see where that leads.

Peace be with you.
 
aBeLLe787,

I know you said that reading about the saint’s lives doesn’t necessarily help you but… have you ever read anything about St. Faustina? I started reading her diary recently and I think you may find something in it.

Please don’t give up. The Lord is testing your strength and will for something… don’t give in to these feelings.

God Bless!
 
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aBeLLe787:
What am I supposed to do??
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Everything I’ve read suggests that what not to do is expect consolations.

For what to do, read St Teresa of Avila.
 
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