Reality check please..:

[Amalie]

I’m in a mess. Seeking any advice or prayers.

My dad has dementia, my mom was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. My sister has never gotten along with my mom but insisted That my parents move in with her. My husband and I had reservations but went with it- stupidly…

My sister and mom have been fighting non stop since my mom moved in. We (my husband and I ) tried to broker a peace deal and that failed. Their relationship is too broken , and cancer and covid aren’t helping.

My mom husband and I just moved into a hotel until we can decide where to go next. I feel like I’m in Jerry Springer.

My sister has kids, I don’t yet. But I also feel that they are more selfish than we are.

Why does family have to be so messy? My sister expects my mom to change at age 67 and I’m like “ just don’t fight that battle- love her for who she is cause we have maybe weeks left…”

My sister sets so many boundaries it’s impossible to do anything. It feels like walking on a mine field. Bombs go off and it’s like “ you violated my boundary!! You evil person you took my daughters to the book store to buy books! How could you?!?!?”

Literally that’s what we fought over. My mom won’t text something the way my sister wants it and she gets mad. My mom offered prayers to my brother in law and my sister got mad.
We tiptoe around her like she’s a sleeping tiger who will bite our heads off if we breath too loud. It’s dysfunctional and I’m OUT.

Why are people so selfish?

I welcome any advice. I have no idea where to go from here. But I’m not exposing myself to that level of crazy. Not with all the other stress in my life.

 

[Elf01]

Literally that’s what we fought over. My mom won’t text something the way my sister wants it and she gets mad. My mom offered prayers to my brother in law and my sister got mad.

Those don’t seem reasonable.

You evil person you took my daughters to the book store to buy books! How could you?!?!?”

If she is concerned about Covid that is reasonable.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I am sorry that you have so many crosses to carry right now. I pray that things get better and more peaceful for you.

Your sister clearly has some issues. She may also be stressed due to the trauma of what’s going on with your parents, and is expressing her stress in a bad, toxic way.

At this point in your life when you have so many other big things to cope with involving your parents’ health, I agree with your wanting to distance yourself from a “crazy” sibling. I would say to limit your contact with her and her family to absolute necessities. Don’t take her kids places, don’t interact with her husband. If your sister goes off at you, just stay calm and say something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I really have to go now” and end the conversation. Don’t let her get to you.