Really stressed

[IdaD]

I didn’t attend last Saturday as planned. My husband wanted stew and I did not want to rush church. So I am going alone tonight.
My daughter is lazy. I cover up things about my daughter and husband which means at times I take the blame.
In the end I take the blame.
I don’t find this fair. I only want to be happy and sacrificing my happiness for less than grateful family is not worth it. I get over talked, ignored, uh huh, and looked down on. Unless someone is hungry or doesn’t feel like getting up.
My needs go overlooked. At times I am too worn out to shower at night. So when I have gone out the next day I look messy.
My husband doesn’t work. If I fail at school he will walk out on me. He has told me so. Then he says such compliments in front of people about how smart I am. So I am stressed. I worry while I study.
I am in a situation that if I say something the only reply is why are you with him then. If he complains then people understand him. I am definitely feeling the second class citizen treatment here.
He tells people of my past and says it’s why I am always angry. He does things and flat out lies about it.
I can’t do anything right. I was over weight and he would comment when ever I ate something. I lost thirty pounds and he complains that my bones show. I actually still have 30 more pounds to lose and that will make me at the BMI I should be.
I am getting angry and sad at different times.

 

[1ke]

It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life right now. You mentioned being in school. It might be best to reach out to a school counselor for some session to talk through your problems and start building solutions. Since you are a student perhaps these will be low or no cost through the university.

 

[ClearWater]

I didn’t attend last Saturday as planned. My husband wanted stew and I did not want to rush church. So I am going alone tonight.
My daughter is lazy. I cover up things about my daughter and husband which means at times I take the blame.
In the end I take the blame.
I don’t find this fair. I only want to be happy and sacrificing my happiness for less than grateful family is not worth it. I get over talked, ignored, uh huh, and looked down on. Unless someone is hungry or doesn’t feel like getting up.
My needs go overlooked. At times I am too worn out to shower at night. So when I have gone out the next day I look messy.
My husband doesn’t work. If I fail at school he will walk out on me. He has told me so. Then he says such compliments in front of people about how smart I am. So I am stressed. I worry while I study.
I am in a situation that if I say something the only reply is why are you with him then. If he complains then people understand him. I am definitely feeling the second class citizen treatment here.
He tells people of my past and says it’s why I am always angry. He does things and flat out lies about it.
I can’t do anything right. I was over weight and he would comment when ever I ate something. I lost thirty pounds and he complains that my bones show. I actually still have 30 more pounds to lose and that will make me at the BMI I should be.
I am getting angry and sad at different times.

Sorry it’s been so hard for you of late!

:hug1:

Had you ever considered getting some counseling? There is marital counseling and individual counseling, advantages to either, or even both.}

One thing is about the lying and covering up, over time, both of those things will cause problems. Lying causes problems, because how can you believe the person, even if he is telling the truth? So, besides sinfulness, it has that practical side. If one tells the truth, it promotes trust. If not, it erodes trust. Trust is basic to any relationship. In good relationships, there is trust. In dysfunctional ones, there’s not.

As to covering things up, over the long haul, likewise, it isn’t good to accept blame for things that aren’t your fault. Over the long run, it will cause tremendous stress and resentment. If you cover up for people, in a sense, you are “enabling” that to continue, as well, not allowing them to take responsibility for their own actions. We make enough mistakes in life without owning up to everyone else’s on top of it!

You need to put your needs as more of a priority. Now, while it sounds very humble, and very saintlike, very altruistic to tend to everyone first, it creates anger and resentment. YOU are responsible that your needs get met.

Again, this might come across as selfish, but I would encourage you to make sure you get enough rest, that you get a nice shower and cleaned up. If not, eventually, it will take a toll on you, make you look bad, because you will come across, possibly irritable due to lack of sleep, unkempt, and more. I know you are only trying to attend your family, but would you consider including yourself in them, at the top of the list.

If you do, you will actually find you have MORE energy, look and feel better…once you make sure you get a nice night’s rest.

With marital counseling, if he can’t/won’t go, I’d still encourage you to go to individual counseling, if nothing else to have a “shoulder to cry on”, and a neutral, sympathetic, empathic ear to listen to, and for objective counsel. You might need to vent, and it’d be a good place to get your feelings out there in a positive way.

Ideally, your husband would go with you, though, but either way, if you’re not already trying counseling, it’d be something I’d recommend…based on my own personal experience with it, actually. :twocents: