Reasonable need to postpone pregnancy

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Whitacre_Girl

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So here’s a question for you young marrieds out there (or those who have once been here).

My Hubby and I have a reasonable need to postpone pregnancy. Which we have been doing. “succesfully.” (it’s hard to call something a “success” that you hate doing anyway…)
I’m not going into the reason, since that’s not part of the issue, and I just don’t feel comfortable discussing it on the 'net. 😉

The reason I am posting here is my utter dissatisfaction for the need to wait. I simply DO NOT WANT TO. I suppose, neither does my husband, but we need to. Just for a few more years. I just have so much going through my head. What if when the time comes, we can’t (infertility), Or the reason we are waiting never “passes”?

Mainly, how do I survive this time period when it seems like everyone has kids, and everyone is so happy. I just recently heard of someone I once knew, who got married suddenly to a man she hardly knew (who turns out to be an alcoholic) is now pregnant? AND SHE’S A WHOLE YEAR YOUNGER THAN ME??? I look at high school myspace pages, and half of them feature pregnancy photos and ultrasounds, and half of those are even married! How do I survive this? It’s just tearing me to pieces!! I want nothing more than to have my OWN kids (I work with young children at an elementary school…) and raise them to know the joy of the catholic church?
 
No answers, just prayers for you and your DH.

Pregnancy is not a race, sweetheart. Those willing to make sacrifices in the short-term are usually happy with the outcome in the long-term.
 
all I have learned in 40 years of marriage and coping with what (to my mind) was either too much or too little fertility at various times, that I can offer you is that if I had it to do over I would pray every morning and every evening, “Jesus I trust in You.” I have told my girls over and over to trust in God on this matter as it is the only way to true happiness–no it is not the guaranteed way to freedom from annoyance, inconvenience, pain, sorrow or any other earthly ill, but it is definitely the only path to happiness.
 
Yeah. I understand. It’s really hard to trust God in this. I mean, DH and I are doing what we need to postpone pregnancy, but I still pray that maybe God has “his time that is not ours” if you know what I mean. 🙂
 
My first thought after reading your post would be that if you feel that strongly about wanting a baby perhaps God is trying to tell you something??? Marriage and babies go hand in hand together.
Keep in mind there is never a perfect time to have a baby… and that babies don’t cost much! Prayers for you!
 
Speak to a trusted Priest, or Spiritual Director, about your reasonable reasons. Perhaps God is trying to tell you something?
 
without going into why we are postponing, it’s necessary. trust me if it were something as simple as money, we would be having a different conversation. This postponing has come with lots of prayer, discussions, and advice from priests.

Anyway, I’m just here to see what others have done to get through this waiting period. I’ve been praying so much and my hope is just that God would hurry up and free the path. Or give us the “thumbs up” and it’s no mystery why it hurts so bad, I’ve always wanted to be a mother. lol. So, what have others done in this situation? Is there anything I can do to get through this and retain sanity? lol
 
I remember being in that situation (trying to avoid for a time, and then trying to conceive, but taking longer than expected). It was tough being in what felt like an in between stage, and especially frustrating when people asked when we were going to have a baby.

My only reccommendation is to be fruitful in other ways. Do volunteer work. Cultivate a stronger prayer life, go to daily Mass more…If God doesn’t want you having a baby right now, then there is something else he wants you to be doing. Focus on that and keep seeking His guidance about the future thumbs up.
Whitacre_Girl said:
What if when the time comes, we can’t (infertility), Or the reason we are waiting never “passes”?
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If you can trust that pregnancy is not in God’s plan for you right now, then you have to trust that He has a plan for you later too. The things you mention COULD happen. If they do, would you regret your decision to wait? If this is truly what God wants for you now, then you have nothing to fear about the future. For some couples, children doesn’t turn out to be God’s plan for them. Not saying this is you, but it seems to be your worst case scenario right? But even the “worst case scenario” shouldn’t be feared if it’s what God wants for you. After all, what he wants is also the thing that will ultimately provide you with the most joy. It’s just a matter of reminding yourself that fact, praying and puttung your trust in God’s hands, and always being ready to reassess His will.
 
If it is absolutely necessary for you to wait, then I think you are being given a chance to grow as a person–preparing you for motherhood in the future.

If it isn’t absolutely necessary for you to wait, then this may be God’s way of preparing you for a little one sooner than you had planned.

I know that it’s easy to get caught up in the feeling that you are somehow being left behind, but if now isn’t the right time, waiting IS being a good mother to your future babies! 🙂

Also, you don’t mention how old you are, but if you’re relatively young, don’t worry too much about infertility. I had trouble conceiving and had two miscarriages as we tried for our first child. Thankfully God has blessed us with this baby, but that was after well over a year of trying. That being said, I got married at 23 and will be almost 25 when I have this baby–if you’re still in your early twenties putting off a family for a couple years won’t have huge impacts on your fertility. If you were in your thirties, I would give different advice.

Good luck! 🙂

kevinsgirl
 
kevinsgirl said:
If it is absolutely necessary for you to wait, then I think you are being given a chance to grow as a person–preparing you for motherhood in the future.
Click to expand...
I agree! As someone who just had a baby, I would encourage you to take a “grass is always greener” approach. Enjoy the fact that you can sleep in, eat dinner out whenever you feel like it. Just because it seems like everyone’s having a baby now (yes, it does seem there’s a baby boom going on doesn’t there?) doesn’t mean that to have a baby now as opposed to later is better. Think of the great parental control technologies that will be available the longer you wait and you won’t have to worry about exposing your kid to all the sex in commercials and everywhere else…now vs. later is just different, not better. There is good and bad pre and post baby, so just enjoy and focus on the good you have pre-baby or you’ll be kicking yourself when you finally do have one that you didn’t relish it while it was there!👍
 
I met my husband when I was 30 and we got married at 35…I was so scared that I was infertile and the first month we tried…I was pregnant!!!

I thought that by waiting so long to get married, I was ruining my chances of being able to have a baby.

Like someone said, God has a plan for everyone. My plan was to have a baby later in life…it wasn’t what I wanted, but it is what happened.

Now I’m 37 and will be trying again next year and I’m afraid AGAIN that I’m old and infertile! I’m feeling the same as you again 🤷

It’s our biological clocks going tick tick tick 👍
 
Thanks for the kind words guys. As for my age I am only 23 lol
 
As you are 23, you probably do not have to worry about your fertility declining any time soon.
My midwife said her advice to women is that once you are 30, you shouldn’t postpone pregnancy any longer than you absolutely need to.
I had my first child at 22, a year after we got married. It’s natural and a positive thing that you want to have a child. But if it is really a necessity to put it off, you can be learning patience and also learning how to monitor your fertility.
 
One way to get through this period may be for you to think about being pregnant with Jesus like Mary was. Only for you, it will be a spiritual pregnancy. Think about how a pregnant woman takes care to nourish her baby in her womb, only for you it will be to nourish the life of Christ within you with prayer, fasting, frequent communion, confession . Also think about how pregnant women would not do anything to cause it any harm, like sin…try to rid sin out of your life for the growth and development of Christ within you.

God Bless!!!
 
I know what you mean- I went through that period.

My only advice is to STAY BUSY. Don’t go looking at baby things/reading articles on pregnancy or anything like that, it just makes it worse. Find groups, activities, go to mass more often, etc, and keep yourself occupied with your other interests for now.
 
I am going through the same exact thing right now, except I am 29. I understand how hard it is. My prayers are with you.
 
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