Reasons to have a larger family

[EeyoresButerfly]

I am not trying to offend you. The original post gave reasons to have a larger family and then asked how people could refute it. I was showing her how, answering the question. I’m not saying that I necessarily believe these things, but answering the question of how people can refute it.

At no point did I say that God is not calling me to have a larger family. I have wanted a large family for a long time if that is God’s will. If somebody posts a list of reasons and then said “now show me how somebody can refute them” don’t be surprised when people do. As adults we should be able to have intelligent, logical discussions.

 

[monicatholic]

EB,

I have ten children born and 2 in heaven. i think the OP reasons for having many children missed the mark, too.

and while puzzleannie’s post was a good list of advantages to having large familes, none of them were good reasons to have many children-- only nice by-products. (believe me, to hear, “You had ten kids? ten? you look great for having had ten kids…” is a beautiful thing.)

we have a lot of kids. why? initially, we couldn’t prayerfully discern grave reason to limit family size.

but now that we have these kids and now that we’ve been given a chance to process so much of these past 28 years, here is the single reason to have any child: ** it is pleasing to God that married people should invite into creation another eternal soul made in his Image and Likeness, and to educate it in the Love of God and in human work.**

the world really gets this wrong. in fact, according to the mind of the Church, the question is not, ***'why ***have children?" why to have children is a given. it is the God-intended order of things. it’s the expectation He designed into marriage. why ***not ***to have children is the real question.

we Catholics should be careful to ask the question of children in the right order-- ***presuming ***children are good, not feeling the need to justify their existence.

By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory." Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves. CCC 1652

in co-operating with God in creation, we are promised that children are the supreme fruits of marriage. and yet, we’ve been warned by Jesus to not judge. the whys and wherefors of other people’s family size is not my business.

 

[DiannaK]

Here are some reasons why I choose to have a larger family and not contracept:

1. My next child could be a genius, a Mozart or a Marie Curie.
2. I could lose a child by bereavement, illness, separation or estrangement. I might not have a good relationship with every child. Be prepared for the best and the worst.
3. If you have a large family there are more children to look after you when you are old. If you have a small family the burden of looking after elderly parents is left on a few children.
4. I won’t live for ever. When I’m dead and gone, my children’s siblings will be more important than me. I’m leaving my children a support network.
5. My mum always said that some people are given goods and others are given people. You are giving your children family and relationships. If you come from a small family you might suffer from loneliness.

Any comments for and against contraception?

excellent post … thank you!

 

[Le_Cracquere]

Most of us with large families are quite aware of how the rest of the culture views us. You need not remind us of many in the culture think.

And you need not dispute every minor point you disagree with in other people’s posts. I don’t neccesarily agree with everything everyone else writes either. I’ll give you an example of one point I disagreed with from another poster. I don’t want people excusing me for extra pudge. One of the things I hate is when people say “You look great for having 5,(6,7…) children.” Does the statement: “You look great” have to be qualified? Would they think I looked “dumpy” if I had fewer children, but since I don’t look like I’m falling completely apart like they expect moms of large families to look they tell me I look “great”??

If you do not feel God calling you to have a large family, maybe He’s not. Or maybe He’s doing what He’d done for many of us who do have a large family–calling us one step, one pregnancy at a time to be open to His will.

The best reason to have a large family is because one believe that is what God wants.

This sort of gets to the heart of it. I appreciate the OP’s good intentions, but as others have pointed out, for every potential blessing there’s a potential drawback, and for some of us a simple cost-benefit analysis will never come down on the side of children. If I do convert, I’ll be obliged not to contracept and to accept the fallout.

Now, I detest children, and the odds are excellent that my wife & I will neither like them nor feel in the end that they’ve added much good to our lives as the world defines “good”–quite the contrary. I’m not trying to be unpleasant in saying this; I’m just saying that relying on a list of reasons & benefits can overshadow the final truths of obedience, which the former can eclipse.

 

[monicatholic]

If I do convert, I’ll be obliged not to contracept and to accept the fallout.

the ***fallout ***is an eternal soul for whom God has been planning since the beginning of forever.

Now, I detest children, and the odds are excellent that my wife & I will neither like them nor feel in the end that they’ve added much good to our lives

this is contrary to the Creator’s definition of marriage. this is contrary to God’s meaning for children.

 

[Le_Cracquere]

the ***fallout ***is an eternal soul for whom God has been planning since the beginning of forever.

Precisely, and this is where a Catholic’s argument probably ought to rest. Pace the OP, it may not always be decent company, a reliable retirement fallback, or an impetus to marital love and unity–children can and frequently do turn out to be the opposite of all these things. Which makes your point the more salient one.

this is contrary to the Creator’s definition of marriage. this is contrary to God’s meaning for children.

Possibly. Still, that’s something that some individuals will always have to take on faith, and my point was that banking on its alleged this-worldly benefits could pose a problem.

 

[mark_a]

1. My mum always said that some people are given goods and others are given people.

Beautiful!!

 

[monicatholic]

Possibly. Still, that’s something that some individuals will always have to take on faith, and my point was that banking on its alleged this-worldly benefits could pose a problem.

and here i agree to a point. while the OPs reasons for having kids missed the point, i think, the CCC does tell us to expect some benefit from having children.

Children in turn contribute to the growth in holiness of their parents. CCC 2227

By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory."

Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves. CCC 1652

while this benefit is enjoyed in this world, (as marriage is a sacrament in the context of creation between one flesh man and one flesh woman) these benefits cannot be expected to be worldly i.e., our kids will love us, keep us out of nursing homes or reduce our income taxes.

 

[Le_Cracquere]

and here i agree to a point. while the OPs reasons for having kids missed the point, i think, the CCC does tell us to expect some benefit from having children.

while this benefit is enjoyed in this world, (as marriage is a sacrament in the context of creation between one flesh man and one flesh woman) these benefits cannot be expected to be worldly i.e., our kids will love us, keep us out of nursing homes or reduce our income taxes.

Sounds about right, from a Catholic perspective. And it sounds as if these are the arguments that Catholics would do well to refer to & operate from, however much they do or don’t enjoy their children.