Received declaration of nullity - feelings

[badger11]

I was civilly divorced from my wife of 5 years about a year ago. She essentially abandoned me. I applied for an declaration of nullity last fall, and learned three days ago that it was granted. That was my hope, and I was pleased that the decision came much more quickly than I thought.

However, I have been feeling very sad, anxious, and fearful, among other emotions since receiving the news. I didn’t expect to feel like throwing a party, but I honestly feel like this is harder than the days and weeks following my divorce. I have lived chastely, as though I was a married man, during this time, despite absolutely no contact from her, so perhaps the decision that my marriage was not sacramental is more of a “divorce” than the civil divorce.

I am not seeking psychological advice, and will bring this up at my divorce support group, but was wondering if others had similar feelings?

Thank you, and God bless.

 

[His_helpmeet]

One thing to remember, if it helps, is that the Church is not saying that you and your wife never had a relationship. Clearly you had a wedding, you had a conjugal life, you may or may not have had children, etc. The issue is that all you had was a legal contract. You didn’t have a sacramental marriage as the Church understands marriage.

My husband has never mentioned if he had these feelings. He has a declaration of nullity from his first wife.

 

[Limoncello4021]

I have not been in your situation but I imagine you’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for awhile. It is not at all unusual to feel let down after this long period of being emotionally on-edge (even if you didn’t feel it consciously). It will pass with time. We will pray for you, and you should pray that God opens new doors for you. He will. Take it slow and strive to be peaceful; good feelings and zest for life will return.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

You had a major loss.
Your feelings are not weird or bad.
It’s called grief.

However, and not right away, you should find yourself moving towards a better head space. For instance, in six months you should feel better than you do now, and in a year, you should feel better still. You’ll have your ups and downs, but the general trend should be towards closure.

If at any time you think you’re going to hurt yourself or anybody else, seek professional help.

God bless

 

[SMHW]

I have never gone through the nullity process but I suspect there is a similar feeling to when you dedicate much time and energy toward a life’s goal. There’s a certain sense of loss of purpose that comes with achieving that goal.

I agree with those who say you are grieving. Probably both the marriage and the nullity case.

I pray that you will find new direction for your life.

 

[TechieGuy]

I received mine about fifteen years after the civil marriage ended and about a year after I first petitioned for annulment.

By the time the letter arrived informing me of the declaration of nullity, I had stopped caring about the whole thing entirely.

Yours might be the more healthy reaction

 

[Greenfields]

It’s great that you do have a divorce group…I hope it has helped? There are so many emotions and so much thinking to get through when going through something as traumatic as marriage breakup and the petitioning.
I’m waiting on my petition at present,possibly going to judgement soon…it feels like my life is on hold in ways.I have been through this before but between caring for four small children and a there being a longer time lapse from seperation till divorce then petitioning I had lots of time and distractions for adjusting.
God bless and may you find peace soon.

 

[otjm]

Your comment about your feelings is not at all unusual. Not everyone has them, but plenty of people remark of similar feelings either through the process or after the results.

 

[Windmill]

Badger,

I can’t imagine the things that must be going through your mind right now. Your world has changed. Don’t rush into any hasty decisions, just let God pace your life right now. Yourexample of chastity is an inspiration to me.Wow.