Recently Widowed- Wedding Band

[Derwin_James]

Hello, I have a question to pose to all of you:

I am 24 years old. My wife of 2 years died in a car accident last week. I am not looking to start a new relationship for a while, until I feel confident I have reached a point of acceptance and not remaining in a state of denial. What I would like (name removed by moderator)ut on is how long I should wear my wedding band. On one hand, I have a hard time considering myself single. On the other, I do not want her memory to become an obsession. How long is too long? I know it will largely depend on me, but I would like to get other’s thoughts. Thanks.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I am so sorry for your loss. You have my prayers

It’s ok to leave your ring on for however long you want. Take one day at a time…

 

[Claymont79]

In the old days, it was a more or less ‘required’ year, then it became the person’s perogative. Though it was a black arm band instead of a ring…(all per my husband who grew up thoroughly Italian)

In my opinion, wear it until you feel like you’re not married anymore, it might be 3 months, it might be 5 years…

My prayers are with you in your loss.

 

[cvbs21]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

You will know in your heart when the time is right. No one has that answer for you.
(wearing the ring or not will never take away the love and joy you shared ~ that has become a part of you. Sadly I speak from experience. For me, when I removed my ring I put it on a necklace close to my heart.)

Trust yourself, have faith and you will do what is right for you.

 

[snigglephritz]

Hey James, I’m sorry for your loss. I was married for 23 years and lost my wife because of an anyurism. Prety sudden as in your case. I struggled with the same thing. She passed away in october and our anniversary was in november. I kept my ring on till the aniversary following. About thirteen months. I went to her grave on our aniversary and took it off then. It was hard, but I was ready then. She is still a part of me, but now I’m dating again. You have a blessed day,
Snigglephritz

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for the repose of your wife’s soul and for you tomorrow at Mass. Me heart goes out to you and your/her family. May the Virgin Mary cover you with her mantle and comfort you in this time. I wish I could help you with your question, but I don’t have any sage advice to offer. All I can think of is to give yourself time. My mother (she widowed when she was 30) told me how these days after my dad passed away were for her. Pray that God will hold you in His hands during these times and that He will help you find peace.

 

[former_Catholic]

I am so sorry for your loss.
The traditional period of mourning is one year… make no major decisions… make no serious commitments… make no major changes for one year. The body, mind, and spirit need to rest and release the grief and heal. After the year, the ring comes off and goes on a chain around your neck or on a watch fob… but there are no longer watch fobs in the modern day. That would be traditional. It is a very old and very wise tradition.

 

[joandarc2008]

I am so sorry for your loss- and I know you must be so sick of hearing on that on some level from some of us married people.

Do you have children - that may change some of this depending on their ages. If they are girls that may change that depending on their ages as being a single dad of girls can be hader than being a single dad of boys for obvious reasons.

Stay close to God and the Blessed Sacrament. See if you can find a good grief group - maybe through the Church if they offer it.

And whatever you do - don’t date anyone from said group it is a recipe for disaster.

 

[Crash001]

Sorry for your loss. Lot’s of good response here.

I think you should wear it as long as you need to. Not knowing your relationship beforehand makes it difficult for anyone except you to decide.

I can tell you this, if my wife died today, my plans would be to wear it forever…but would let time heal my broken heart and make a decision in the future should things change.

God Bless and prayers are with you.

 

[1holycatholic]

I, too, am sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

My wife died during the Easter season this year after a fifteen year struggle with cancer. I’m afraid to make major decisions.

I stopped wearing my wedding ring a few days after her death. When I look at my hand I can still see where the ring was on my finger for almost twenty years.

I still love her and I miss her. Wearing or not wearing a ring is not going to change that.