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Allegra
Guest
I underlined what I would say. You’re a lot nicer than I am.
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jmcrae
Guest
I’ve had a difficult and demanding person in my life in the past (in my case it was someone much younger than I am) - and the answer is simply to be always busy, and not available for her.
With regard to the reference, if the organization calls you, I agree with the advice to “damn with faint praise.”
That’s changing, these days - many organizations are actually pickier about the volunteers than they are about the paid staff, because of past bad experiences where they’ve been sued because of the bad behaviour of a volunteer.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Since a volunteer can get you just as sued as a paid employee, you are probably right. I just know that I’ve had lots of people say they used me as a reference, and I almost never get a call. (Maybe they list someone with better credentials above me!
)Mary_Gail_36
New member
At my parish, for example everyone who volunteers needs a background check, and virtus training if they work with any children.
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Ms_Manners
Guest
Unfortunate, but true.
I was working at a non-profit as a volunteer coordinator and I got one really troublesome volunteer. I gave her a chance since I didn’t know better the first time.
The second time I got her application when I was at a similar job, but a different organization. We were always short of volunteers, but I had to reject her.
I guess she had some objective mental health problems and wasn’t capable of holding a job, but wanted to do something so she tried every organization in town. While I did feel sorry I couldn’t help her or even give her something to do to let her help out, I couldn’t provide the amount of support she wouldn have needed to be successful and I had to think of my organization and our project first.
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Vic_Taltrees_UK
Guest
If they are both going to live permanently in very close proximity to you you must do what Easterjoy and jmcrae are saying, you don’t know how l or d it really is. Don’t draw undue attention to the dog in case it turns into her cue to give him a bad name.
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gh4
Guest
There are so many thing that can make the elderly act out, some as simple as a UTI and something as severe as dementia and all things in between.
Calling the police on her might not be the worst thing you can do. She may need a quick trip to the local hospital to see if there’s something physically going on.
If you could ask the manage if he has family contact, maybe that’s the way to go if you can get him to give them a call.
When my parents got old and before I moved them in with me, they were nasty to their neighbors at times and goodness help anyone who knocked at their door!! That was a radical change from how they were when they didn’t have dementia going on. they needed medical attention which I got for them once I found out what was going on with them, thankfully their neighbors called me.
And then, she could just be a nasty kind of gal!!! But it sounds like she’s changed since she moved in.
As far as a reference goes, be honest, but be sure you can’t be sued for what you say.
And if you are uncomfortable with it, just tell them that you prefer to not say anything about her at all.
Good luck.
Calling the police on her might not be the worst thing you can do. She may need a quick trip to the local hospital to see if there’s something physically going on.
If you could ask the manage if he has family contact, maybe that’s the way to go if you can get him to give them a call.
When my parents got old and before I moved them in with me, they were nasty to their neighbors at times and goodness help anyone who knocked at their door!! That was a radical change from how they were when they didn’t have dementia going on. they needed medical attention which I got for them once I found out what was going on with them, thankfully their neighbors called me.
And then, she could just be a nasty kind of gal!!! But it sounds like she’s changed since she moved in.
As far as a reference goes, be honest, but be sure you can’t be sued for what you say.
And if you are uncomfortable with it, just tell them that you prefer to not say anything about her at all.
Good luck.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Although it is theoretically possible, I kind of doubt that she and her brother (the one that makes her sound like Mother Teresa) have both had UTIs since they moved into the complex. They might be both heading towards dementia, true, but since they don’t seem to have good days and bad days I’m not thinking this is a transitory thing.
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dedo
Guest
Calling the police on a demented little old lady (LOL) is nutsville, and is far worse than the behavior exhibited by the LOL.
To call the police, there should be a real threat. Police often arrest people, or worse. Who could a LOL harm anyway? Answer, nobody. Once I ran off a burglar with an assault rifle while getting ready to go on my first date with my future wife; however, I did not call the police, as there was no threat.
Nevertheless, it is appropriate to pause and consider what to do when unusual, challenging, or stressful events occur as the OP is doing. A better perspective than focusing on the pathetic old lady, is to consider whether God is trying to teach someone something, or else prevent something worse than an encounter with a rude person.
For example, the old lady reminded the OP that she does not lock her door. What if God, who can see the future, could see that a real intruder is planning to test the doors in the complex one by one, a week from now, and break into any open unit? If that is the case, then the old lady may have saved the OP’s property, family, or life.
One of the first things I try to think about when encountering difficult people is to consider whether I am looking at a “mirror” of something in myself. If I encounter a rude person, was I rude to someone else etc.?
Another way of looking at the experience is that the old lady is a training exercise. It is easy to be a saint with your own peer group of like minded people. It is not so easy with a difficult person. When I fall short in charity with a difficult person, I equate that with failure, or losing a match. Losing this kind of match tells you where you are in your development, and it is a signal to work on something.
Thus, I don’t have specific recommendations other than to lock your door, set appropriate boundaries, and be as polite as you can be.
Good luck.
To call the police, there should be a real threat. Police often arrest people, or worse. Who could a LOL harm anyway? Answer, nobody. Once I ran off a burglar with an assault rifle while getting ready to go on my first date with my future wife; however, I did not call the police, as there was no threat.
Nevertheless, it is appropriate to pause and consider what to do when unusual, challenging, or stressful events occur as the OP is doing. A better perspective than focusing on the pathetic old lady, is to consider whether God is trying to teach someone something, or else prevent something worse than an encounter with a rude person.
For example, the old lady reminded the OP that she does not lock her door. What if God, who can see the future, could see that a real intruder is planning to test the doors in the complex one by one, a week from now, and break into any open unit? If that is the case, then the old lady may have saved the OP’s property, family, or life.
One of the first things I try to think about when encountering difficult people is to consider whether I am looking at a “mirror” of something in myself. If I encounter a rude person, was I rude to someone else etc.?
Another way of looking at the experience is that the old lady is a training exercise. It is easy to be a saint with your own peer group of like minded people. It is not so easy with a difficult person. When I fall short in charity with a difficult person, I equate that with failure, or losing a match. Losing this kind of match tells you where you are in your development, and it is a signal to work on something.
Thus, I don’t have specific recommendations other than to lock your door, set appropriate boundaries, and be as polite as you can be.
Good luck.
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1990Domer
Guest
You are a very sweet and tolerant lady. I think you have been given awesome advice. I admire how you have handled yourself. I am not sure what I do if placed in the same situation.
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