Refusing to become catholic

[Khristopher84]

Me and my wife have been together for 8 years, married for 4, before we were engaged she promised she would convert. Now she refuses to convert and does not want our child to attend mass, although my daughter has been baptized. Is devorce ok. Or should I just keep praying about it?

 

[PaulGH]

Me and my wife have been together for 8 years, married for 4, before we were engaged she promised she would convert. Now she refuses to convert and does not want our child to attend mass, although my daughter has been baptized. Is devorce ok. Or should I just keep praying about it?

You can’t make your wife convert. You can and should gently try to lead her to the Catholic faith, but you shouldn’t make it a point of argument, or something that drives a wedge between the two of you. You shouldn’t talk about her converting all the time, if by doing so you are just driving her away (from you and from the church).

Regarding your daughter: As a Catholic, you have an obligation to raise your daughter Catholic. And part of that obligation is taking her to Mass. So you need to try to get your wife to agree to let you take your daughter to Mass. Maybe you agree to stop bugging her about converting, if she lets you take your daughter to Mass. Or maybe you can come to some other agreement where you each give in on something, so that you can take your daughter to Mass.

As far as divorce, I don’t see anything in your post that would be a reason for divorce. Even if you did divorce your wife, please remember that the divorce does not really end the marriage. You are still really married to your wife, even if the state says you are divorced, so you can’t remarry – unless you are granted an annulment based on the marriage never being valid to begin with. (And maybe you would have grounds for an annulment, if you married her only on the condition that she would convert, and then she didn’t. But you shouldn’t assume that this is a valid reason for granting an annulment. It would be best to get the advice of a priest in your diocese on this question.)

I would advise you to work things out with your wife the best you can. It is possible for a man and a woman to have a very good marriage, even if only one of them is Catholic.

 

[Khristopher84]

Thanks, divorce is something I would never wants. Just upset about it all, My name is khris bourque, i live in lake Charles. My search for some
Quality salt water flies have been hard to find. Could you be of some service to me, I’m looking to start tying in the bear future, but my work schedule does not give me any free time at the moment. If you could help me out I would appreciate it.Thanks that helps

 

[St_Francis]

Thanks, divorce is something I would never wants. Just upset about it all, My name is khris bourque, i live in lake Charles. My search for some
Quality salt water flies have been hard to find. Could you be of some service to me, I’m looking to start tying in the bear future, but my work schedule does not give me any free time at the moment. If you could help me out I would appreciate it.Thanks that helps

Did you accidentally paste in something for somewhere else? You might ask the mods to remove it if you don’t return quickly enough to edit it yourself, since you have personal information in your post.

 

[St_Francis]

Me and my wife have been together for 8 years, married for 4, before we were engaged she promised she would convert. Now she refuses to convert and does not want our child to attend mass, although my daughter has been baptized. Is devorce ok. Or should I just keep praying about it?

I would apologize to her for bugging her and tell you you will stop, and ask how you can make the taking of your daughter to Mass easier on her (your wife). For example, if you are taking her Saturday evenings and she gets to sleep late, that could cause your wife problems. But hold firm to taking your daughter to Mass–aside from the obligation you have and the implied promise your wife made when she told you she’d convert, you’re her father with equal parenting rights.

Other than that, make sure you are a very good husband to your wife. Some men seem to think making money and sticking around is sufficient, but it’s not really enough for a woman. Think of which romantic gestures you have made which pleased her the most, take her out from time to time if she likes that, take the whole family out for fun activities.

 

[ToTheHeights]

What diocese are you in?

My brother married a non-Catholic and she had to sign a contract saying she would allow their children to be raised Catholic. I’m not sure if this is just for my diocese or universal, but if it is universal her going back on that would make the marriage invalid and thus grounds for an annulment. Did your wife make such a consent prior to you getting married?

Her converting is one thing, but preventing your children from attending mass is another. I wouldn’t push her (it has to be her decision, after all), but don’t give one single inch of ground when it comes to your kids. Remember, YOU are the head of the family.

Just my personal advice (I’m engaged, not married, so take it for what it’s worth), I wouldn’t consider an annulment unless you absolutely have to. Even having a wife resistant to the Church would be less damaging to your daughter than a divorce, I would imagine.

 

[PaulGH]

Did you accidentally paste in something for somewhere else? You might ask the mods to remove it if you don’t return quickly enough to edit it yourself, since you have personal information in your post.

Based on the bizarre nature of the post that you quoted, I am assuming that this person is just messing with us rather than genuinely seeking advice.

 

[Khristopher84]

Sorry yea, that’s second part was ment for a personal message to a fly fishing tier. Did not realize that was attached. Thanks for the help tho.

 

[St_Francis]

Sorry yea, that’s second part was ment for a personal message to a fly fishing tier. Did not realize that was attached. Thanks for the help tho.

BTW, I did not mean to imply by my advice that you are doing anything wrong; it was more like how can one get from point A (tension with wife; refusal to permit Mass) to point B (wife happier and daughter going to Mass). Sometimes it’s better to be happy than right.

 

[AussieTrish]

Khris, you may find it helpful to speak to your priest.
God bless your wife, your daughter, and you.

 

[PaulGH]

Sorry yea, that’s second part was ment for a personal message to a fly fishing tier. Did not realize that was attached. Thanks for the help tho.

Ah, that makes a lot more sense. Sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion about your second post.

 

[NFPWife]

I’m guessing this feels a little bait and switch to you… Was it important to you to have a Catholic home and practice your faith with your wife? Can you remind her, gently, about that agreement and at least ask her to meet with the priest or DRE at your parish to look at the Church? Is she a reader? There are some excellent resources she might like. Or, the Mary Foundation, www.catholicity.com has good CDs.

Try to be positive and show her what’s great about your faith and encourage her to come with you. Also, consider joining E5 Men and fasting one day monthly for her sanctification. www.E5men.org

Prayers!

 

[HollyDolly]

Well she knew she was marrying a Catholic when she got you.
Does she go to any church at all,catholic or otherwise? If she’s protestant,what is she?
If she is penetecostal or some church like that, it might be more of an issue than if she was a lutheran,episcopal -angelican or maybe even methodist.

Don’t push the issue.She might just push back and it could cause more problems.
Just say you want your child to go to mass that she herself doesn’t have to go. That she should look at the time you and your daughter go to mass as some time to herself.
Don’t divorce over this. You might want to talk to a marriage consuler if it really interfers in your relationship.
Have no idea what she has against catholics,or maybe she doesn’t care for any organized religion whether protestant or catholic.
My grandmother (my dad’s mother) was Lutheran. Her family weren’t much according to my dad for church going. Anyhow,she agreed that daddy and Uncle Tom would be raised Catholic.
Later on grandma converted and became a catholic.Now when my grandparents got married in 1916 the Church was really strict about a lot of things. I assume she signed some sort of agreement.
Just ask Jesus and St.Joseph for help.That’s all you can do.