Regarding vainglory

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NobleMaiden

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Past trauma (or what I assume to be) and insecurities make it so that essentially everything I do is for the sake of approval or otherwise recognition - good, bad, or neutral. I am excessively concerned with the opinions of others to the point of constant self-scrutiny. Nearly every mundane decision I make surrounds it. Lately, I’ve felt convicted of it. Reading up on vainglory, it seems to fit the bill. One part of the article mentioned mixed intentions in that one might be mostly genuine in their actions, but still hope for praise deep down. With this in mind, how do I ought to approach charity, seeing as this pollutes every action and thought of mine (even in writing this post)? Say I wanted to do something nice, such as helping a friend in their spiritual walk in some form, but then a prideful thought arises? Is it better to avoid charitable acts altogether if they lead to pride? Cheers.
 
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve experienced past trauma.

Regarding your felt conviction that you struggle with vainglory, my suggestion of a first step to freeing yourself from this pollution, might be daily praying the Litany of Humility. (Note, if you’re unfamiliar with litanies: after each “…”, we finish each sentence by repeating the preceding bolded part. So for the first half of the litany, we follow each point with “deliver me, Jesus.” For the second half of the litany, we follow each point with “Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.”)
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved…

From the desire of being extolled …

From the desire of being honored …

From the desire of being praised …

From the desire of being preferred to others…

From the desire of being consulted …

From the desire of being approved …

From the fear of being humiliated …

From the fear of being despised…

From the fear of suffering rebukes …

From the fear of being calumniated …

From the fear of being forgotten …

From the fear of being ridiculed …

From the fear of being wronged …

From the fear of being suspected …

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I …

That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease …

That others may be chosen and I set aside …

That others may be praised and I unnoticed …

That others may be preferred to me in everything…

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
 
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Approval seeking is not the same as pride. Seeking external validation may result from low self-esteem (a sense of inferiority). What is to be avoided is excessive appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue. Pride in achievements is not necessarily excessive.
 
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Approval seeking is not the same as pride.
Incidentally, I’d second this.

CS Lewis points out that the darkest pride is associated with not caring for the approval of others at all.
“The real black diabolical Pride comes when you look down on others so much that you do not care what they think of you. Of course, it is very right, and often our duty, not to care what people think of us, if we do so for the right reason; namely, because we care so incomparably more what God thinks. But the Proud man has a different reason for not caring. He says ‘Why should I care for the applause of that rabble as if their opinion were worth anything?’”
And on the brighter side:
“… nothing can eliminate from the parable the divine accolade, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” With that, a good deal of what I had been thinking all my life fell down like a house of cards. I suddenly remembered that no one can enter heaven except as a child; and nothing is so obvious in a child—not in a conceited child, but in a good child—as its great and undisguised pleasure in being praised. Not only in a child, either, but even in a dog or a horse. Apparently what I had mistaken for humility had, all these years. prevented me from understanding what is in fact the humblest, the most childlike, the most creaturely of pleasures— nay, the specific pleasure of the inferior: the pleasure of a beast before men, a child before its father, a pupil before his teacher, a creature before its Creator. I am not forgetting how horribly this most innocent desire is parodied in our human ambitions, or how very quickly, in my own experience, the lawful pleasure of praise from those whom it was my duty to please turns into the deadly poison of self-admiration. But I thought I could detect a moment—a very, very short moment—before this happened, during which the satisfaction of having pleased those whom I rightly loved and rightly feared was pure. And that is enough to raise our thoughts to what may happen when the redeemed soul, beyond all hope and nearly beyond belief, learns at last that she has pleased Him whom she was created to please. There will be no room for vanity then. She will be free from the miserable illusion that it is her doing. With no taint of what we should now call self-approval she will most innocently rejoice in the thing that God has made her to be, and the moment which heals her old inferiority complex for ever will also drown her pride deeper than Prospero’s book. Perfect humility dispenses with modesty. If God is satisfied with the work, the work may be satisfied with itself; “it is not for her to bandy compliments with her Sovereign.”
-The Weight of Glory
 
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It does stern from a lack of humility, though, right?
Pride in English has various senses, some of which are below.

Merriam-Webster, pride, noun:
–1a inordinate self-esteem : conceit
–1b a reasonable or justifiable self-respect
–1c delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship
 
We cannot doubt every aspect of our motivations because we’re always a mixture of the divine and the profane; pride is always lurking in the background and the struggle between it and absolute love of God and neighbor, absolute purity of heart, between truth and falsehood in us, practically defines the human struggle towards a perfection God has in mind for us-and that we’ll probably never quite achieve in this life. But it’s a good and worthy struggle.
 
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