Regret

[clem456]

So, life has been chewing us up, my wife and I. I’m 53. My business is on the rocks, we have not saved enough money for retirement. My daughter has not turned out the way we had hoped. And many of our problems are due to my own sin over 53 years. Sloth, gluttony, and lust. I’ve always struggled with depression and being anti-social. And I know Jesus just enough to know I’ve done stupid and wasteful things. I always prayed that my family would not suffer for my depression, sins, weakness, but…they have and will. I am full of regret and envy as I watch successful friends with their well-adjusted kids take their beautiful vacations

Our financial problems are manageable, but the regret over mistakes and wasted time and opportunities is burning a hole in my soul. I basically am dealing with character deficiencies that should have been solved 25 years ago. I wish I could go back and start over, but I can’t.

Anybody suggest some good reading along these lines? Saints to pray to?

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Today is the first day for the rest of your life.

God forgives you for your mistakes and so should you.

Begin each day with prayer and learn to live in the present, not in the past or the future, where the ego is strongest.

In the present, you can only be “you,” and it’s where God is.

Jim

 

[Brett1980]

Clem I’m pretty sure when I get to my retirement age its going to be 75, because of increased health benefits that come with living in western society. That being said we live in a difficult culture so I feel that while physical health is increasing peoples mental health is deteriorating.

Whilst Sloth, Gluttony and Lust are capital sins (meaning sins that breed other sins). Being anti-social is not a sin, nor is depression. Some of the most anti-social people in the world were hermits (which is a valid path for a Catholic). More-so, with regard to the capital sins that’s what reconciliation is for.

I don’t know what business your in but if you decide a fresh approach you could pray to the patron saint of business or if you decide to become a worker you could pray to my confirmation saint St Joseph (the patron saint of workers).

For bible verses I recommend Proverbs 30:7-9.

 

[clem456]

Thanks to both of you. Confession has been a great grace in my life.

 

[Allegra]

Clem I’m pretty sure when I get to my retirement age its going to be 75, because of increased health benefits that come with living in western society. That being said we live in a difficult culture so I feel that while physical health is increasing peoples mental health is deteriorating.

Whilst Sloth, Gluttony and Lust are capital sins (meaning sins that breed other sins). Being anti-social is not a sin, nor is depression. Some of the most anti-social people in the world were hermits (which is a valid path for a Catholic). More-so, with regard to the capital sins that’s what reconciliation is for.

I don’t know what business your in but if you decide a fresh approach you could pray to the patron saint of business or if you decide to become a worker you could pray to my confirmation saint St Joseph (the patron saint of workers).

For bible verses I recommend Proverbs 30:7-10.

Just, so we understand each other, the actual definition of ‘anti-social’ is when a person purposefully acts in a way to hurt others, often to push them away or as part of a power trip. It’s a really serious problem, unlike shyness, awkwardness, andlack of interest in others. I’m not sure we are all using the same definition.

 

[Brett1980]

Just, so we understand each other, the actual definition of ‘anti-social’ is when a person purposefully acts in a way to hurt others, often to push them away or as part of a power trip. It’s a really serious problem, unlike shyness, awkwardness, andlack of interest in others. I’m not sure we are all using the same definition.

Maybe not, I was thinking merely wanting to avoid peoples company.

 

[Allegra]

So, life has been chewing us up, my wife and I. I’m 53. My business is on the rocks, we have not saved enough money for retirement. My daughter has not turned out the way we had hoped. And many of our problems are due to my own sin over 53 years. Sloth, gluttony, and lust. I’ve always struggled with depression and being anti-social. And I know Jesus just enough to know I’ve done stupid and wasteful things. I always prayed that my family would not suffer for my depression, sins, weakness, but…they have and will. I am full of regret and envy as I watch successful friends with their well-adjusted kids take their beautiful vacations

Our financial problems are manageable, but the regret over mistakes and wasted time and opportunities is burning a hole in my soul. I basically am dealing with character deficiencies that should have been solved 25 years ago. I wish I could go back and start over, but I can’t.

Anybody suggest some good reading along these lines? Saints to pray to?

It is helps, successful people who take well-adjusted kids on vacation often have many more problems than they seem to. Most family don’t look the same on the inside as they do on the outside. It’s probably best to stop worrying about others families and work toward your own goals. You don’t have to go to Bahamas to spend time with your family. You might make time to cook out at a park or go to a public concert. Find things that don’t cost money, but just time. It’s the time that has the lasting impact on your relationships. I recommend praying to St. Joseph as well.

 

[Allegra]

Maybe not, I was thinking merely wanting to avoid peoples company.

A lot of people use the term rather flippantly and it’s gotten to the point where alot of people don’t know what it actually means. Therefore, I thought it best to clear that up. After all, there’s a substantial difference between someone who doesn’t want to go to the Christmas party and someone who smacks his wife around just to see if she’ll still love him. It’s actually the later that is “anti-social”. The former might be better called “non-social” or “unsocialble” or something like that.

 

[Bonnie]

I wish I could go back and start over, but I can’t.

Join the club. My therapist suggested Addiction and Grace by Gerald May. I can’t vouch for it as I haven’t made it past the first chapter, but it could be a start.

 

[Zekariya]

I don’t know what business your in but if you decide a fresh approach you could pray to the patron saint of business or if you decide to become a worker you could pray to my confirmation saint St Joseph (the patron saint of workers).

I want to add that St Joseph is also the patron saint of married people, fathers, children, and families.

 

[clem456]

For me anti-social means an inability to develop close friendships, for various reasons that would fill an entire thread.

 

[Beryllos]

… I am full of regret and envy as I watch successful friends with their well-adjusted kids take their beautiful vacations…

It is helps, successful people who take well-adjusted kids on vacation often have many more problems than they seem to. Most family don’t look the same on the inside as they do on the outside. It’s probably best to stop worrying about others families and work toward your own goals. You don’t have to go to Bahamas to spend time with your family. You might make time to cook out at a park or go to a public concert. Find things that don’t cost money, but just time. It’s the time that has the lasting impact on your relationships. I recommend praying to St. Joseph as well.

My thoughts exactly. What makes a family vacation beautiful? Shared experience, and love.

… Our financial problems are manageable…

By that, I understand you are able to meet your basic needs. That is good.

Pray the Lord’s Prayer, and ponder the meaning of “Give us this day our daily bread.” We ask the Lord to give us what we need.

Do not worry about the past. If you have sinned, seek God’s forgiveness, and put it behind you. Try to forgive yourself. If your wife comforts or forgives you, accept it with humility and love.

I’m praying for you, and your wife and daughter (and other kids?). May the Holy Spirit assist you and yours, and guide you always toward a life of greater peace and love.

 

[Dorothy]

I rejoice that you have been to confession! Now, every time you are tempted to look back and regret, go to our Lord and his Blessed Mother and be thankful that you are still on this planet and that the Lord loves you infinitely.

Work on living in the Lord in the present, and He will take care of the rest.

 

[JohnMPhilomena]

Your letter sounds like it could have been written by me a couple years ago. Anyway, we can’t live in the past (full of regret), and we can’t live in fear of the future (not having enough money for retirement).

All we can do is confess our sins and move forward. We have to believe we are forgiven and begin to live in the present. What am I doing today to live the way God wants me to live? That is what will bring us peace. And to live in fear of the future is a lack of trust in God.

Peace,
John

 

[ready]

I recommend that you have a deep devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and that you read The Devotion to the Sacred Heart, by Fr. John Croiset, S.J… This book is so awesome and should really help you! God bless you.

 

[NeedsMercy]

A lot of people use the term rather flippantly and it’s gotten to the point where alot of people don’t know what it actually means. Therefore, I thought it best to clear that up. After all, there’s a substantial difference between someone who doesn’t want to go to the Christmas party and someone who smacks his wife around just to see if she’ll still love him. It’s actually the later that is “anti-social”. The former might be better called “non-social” or “unsocialble” or something like that.

Perhaps you are looking for the word “socio-path”?

 

[Allegra]

Perhaps you are looking for the word “socio-path”?

No. Although a sociopath does, in fact, demonstrate antisocial behaviors.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_behavior

Here’s wikipedia’s take on what constitutes antisocial behavior. Although, in everyday speech, alot of people use the term incorrect to indicate someone who is withdrawn or shy. That’s why I think it’s important to pin down exactly what we are talking about.

 

[Lady_Love]

Give it all…as a gift to God. Say, “Here Lord, I give back to you, as a gift, what you gave to me. It is not quite in the same condition in which you gave it to me, I didn’t always do my best but here it is. It’s all yours, do with it what you like. *Take all the things I regret and all the things I need to forget, take the mistakes, I haven’t made yet, it’s all I have left.”

He can perform miracles but you have to leave it in His hands. I did this once before Him in the Blessed Sacrament and he fixed my problems and healed my relationship with my mother, which I never thought possible…except through Him. I deserved none of His favor but He gave it to me any way because that is who HE is.

• From the Lyrics of a Grace Potter tune “Things I never needed”