Rejected by fallen away Siblings

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beencounter

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I am a reconvert and have wholeheartedly embraced my long lost Catholic faith. Almost every spare moment of my life is dedicated to learning all that I have missed and neglected for the past 32years.

I was extremely disappointed when my fallen away, non practicing catholic brothers and sisters were not interested in anything I had to say about the Church. I talked of the catechism with such enthusiasm and tried to let them know all the errors that the world would like them to believe in order to keep them from the truth.

They all live across the country, so my opportunity to evangelize was short. I did not feel I had the time to live the gospel as in “preaching without words” to them since they live such a great distance away.

It could be my imagination, but they even seem to avoid me during my visit. My stock has gone way down. My little sister said I was too ‘preachy’. I thought I was just excited to share! This must be a combination of my poor evangelization skills and their disinclination to know, love and serve God.

I am really sick of heart to think they are really this disinterested. 😦 I had been praying for their conversions for the past 2 years, and to be rejected like this is very painful. I am upset because they do not know what they are rejecting!

Has anyone else ever had this experience from fallen away family members? Can anyone make any recommendations to help me in the future?
 
beencounter said:
I am a reconvert and have wholeheartedly embraced my long lost Catholic faith. Almost every spare moment of my life is dedicated to learning all that I have missed and neglected for the past 32years.

I was extremely disappointed when my fallen away, non practicing catholic brothers and sisters were not interested in anything I had to say about the Church. I talked of the catechism with such enthusiasm and tried to let them know all the errors that the world would like them to believe in order to keep them from the truth.

They all live across the country, so my opportunity to evangelize was short. I did not feel I had the time to live the gospel as in “preaching without words” to them since they live such a great distance away.

It could be my imagination, but they even seem to avoid me during my visit. My stock has gone way down. My little sister said I was too ‘preachy’. I thought I was just excited to share! This must be a combination of my poor evangelization skills and their disinclination to know, love and serve God.

I am really sick of heart to think they are really this disinterested. 😦 I had been praying for their conversions for the past 2 years, and to be rejected like this is very painful. I am upset because they do not know what they are rejecting!

Has anyone else ever had this experience from fallen away family members? Can anyone make any recommendations to help me in the future?
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You did good. You shared your faith with them. You planted the seeds. Their free-will is at work. Continue to love them and be available. Most people are not eager to quickly embrace what they have in the past rejected. They want to send you the message not to “preach” to them. Don’t take it personal. In a way they are punishing you for upsetting them. Don’t get discouraged. You are working with the Holy Spirit. Pray for them. Have a Mass said for each of them, and never give up. Have faith that your prayers will be heard and their hearts softened. Ask the Holy Spirit for the gifts of wisdom and understanding to know when to speak to them again about your faith. It may not be for a while. The Holy Spirit will guide you.

God bless you in doing God’s work.
 
St. Philomena and St. Monica are great intercessors that I know of for conversions and sinners… I’ve heard stories but cannot speak from personal experience. However, from what I’ve heard… they do not let down!

I am praying for you and your family that they may see the Truth of the Church once again and for the Holy Spirit to use you as a vessel to bring them back to the Catholic Faith.
 
I think I might share a little of my own background that may help you feel so not alone in your heartache -

I’m a convert. I have two siblings an older sister and an older brother. Neither of them came to my Baptism in 1996. In fact, none of my family members were there except my children. The few conversations we’ve had over the years have been very derogatory towards me and my “religious” quackery. Both my parents recently died, dad in December and mom in January. Neither of them ever made an outward sign of anything remotely akin to conversion and kept a wall up that was formidable towards me and my Catholicism. I’m the religious nut in the family. If asked I couldn’t even really tell you what their religious persuasion is! Non-religion I suppose.

I prayed every day for my family and still do. I really don’t try to fool myself about my parent’s eternal fate. Facts are facts. Reject God and He rejects you eventually. I hope my brother and sister don’t wind up like my folks. It is a heartache, but also the Cross and I accepted that a long time ago.

Keep up the prayers. You’re doin’ fine. And stay connected to folks in the Community of believers.

Peace,

Gail
 
I have two sons, one of whom left the Catholic Church for a Methodist grass widow(that’s 1940’s talk for divorcee). They now go to Baptist Church.My youngest son lives in England and married a non-practicing Anglican. They are both buying into the recent athiest propaganda. When I try to talk with them or send e-mails about Catholic subjects I am told to cut the spam cause they just delete it, It does hurt my friend. It surely does.
 
It’s delightful to hear of your joyful and enthusiastic return to the Catholic faith.
Congratulations!
And praise and thanks to God!

I do regret the disappointment and sorrow you feel regarding your family.
However, many people who don’t desire to believe and are not open to faith, will feel assaulted if you initiate discussion on religion. Naturally they will then wish to avoid you, especially if you persist. The effect of this sometimes can be to drive them further into their position, leaving less likelihood of conversion.

Imagine if another faith, or an agnostic, or an athiest tried to proselytize you, you’d resist and grow more firm in your position! To you the faith, the gospel, is ‘good news’, and that’s wonderful. But try giving footbal results and details to someone who couldn’t care less about football. It would just be a bore to them. Religion is no less appealing to many people. They prefer their lives as they are. And they don’t want to be told the errors of worldliness of the world they participate in. If you feel the need to state your position and the truths you believe, don’t do so with any kind of pressure. I’m sure you wouldn’t but obviously the family interpreted your enthusiasm and desire to convert them as pressure.

At one stage only one of my siblings remained faithful to the Catholic faith. One by one in their own time, and surprisingly suddenly in each case, four of my siblings have returned to the faith.

Prayer and example, and if they ask questions, then assist.
Proselytsing only works positively if others’ hearts are already open. You may have planted some positive memory, but for seeds to grow they need to be buried and given time for germination and growth.

God grant that your family will return to God.

You know what! God waited ten years for me, then suddenly one morning, the feast of the Sacred Heart, He worked his miracle. My family, those who remained faithful prayed for me in those years, but no one of them even my Dad, proselytised or spoke about religion. They just lived their faith. But when I rang that day to tell Dad I’d come back to the Church and been to Confession that afternoon, my Dad went into his bedroom and cried for an hour, for relief!

God bless you, Trishie
 
beencounter said:
I am a reconvert and have wholeheartedly embraced my long lost Catholic faith. Almost every spare moment of my life is dedicated to learning all that I have missed and neglected for the past 32years.

I was extremely disappointed when my fallen away, non practicing catholic brothers and sisters were not interested in anything I had to say about the Church. I talked of the catechism with such enthusiasm and tried to let them know all the errors that the world would like them to believe in order to keep them from the truth.

They all live across the country, so my opportunity to evangelize was short. I did not feel I had the time to live the gospel as in “preaching without words” to them since they live such a great distance away.

It could be my imagination, but they even seem to avoid me during my visit. My stock has gone way down. My little sister said I was too ‘preachy’. I thought I was just excited to share! This must be a combination of my poor evangelization skills and their disinclination to know, love and serve God.

I am really sick of heart to think they are really this disinterested. 😦 I had been praying for their conversions for the past 2 years, and to be rejected like this is very painful. I am upset because they do not know what they are rejecting!

Has anyone else ever had this experience from fallen away family members? Can anyone make any recommendations to help me in the future?
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I have dealt with fallen away family members my whole life. My Grandfather, Grandmother and uncle separated from the Catholic Church in 1972. Grandpa passed away in 1984. I receive no criticism from my grandmother since she was a Catholic at one point. I do receive a lot of criticism from my uncle, who is a no a pastor at some type of Bible Believing Church in his town. Him an his family have accused me of idol worship, not seeing the truth and using the wrong Bible among other things. They keep telling me that they are praying for me that one day I will see the light and leave the Catholic Church. I tried explaining what the Catholic Church believes but all they can say is that the Church is wrong and I am wrong
 
beencounter said:
They all live across the country, so my opportunity to evangelize was short. I did not feel I had the time to live the gospel as in “preaching without words” to them since they live such a great distance away.
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When you see someone for a short time you want to cram in as much as possible and then see immediate results. Your process of returning to the Church probably took some time – more than the length of a short visit with your siblings. And if they return to the Church it will also take time.

“Preaching without words” may not be fast, but it’s effective. If your siblings see you living a fully Catholic life, that will have more of an impact than mere words.

Pray for your siblings and let them see you being Catholic. Be open to sharing your faith life with them. Give the Holy Spirit room to work.

I’m in the same situation with my own sibling who has totally rejected the Church. All I can do is pray and plant seeds and hope they’ll take root. I don’t want to push so hard that there’s a reason for an even more negative view of the Church.
 
I understand your pain about fallen-away siblings. My only sister lives with her girlfriend, and anytime anyone discusses the church, she shuts down and shuts us out. It hurts even more that we have never been close, and she seems to have no desire to do so (I’ve lived away from home for nine years and she has, literally, called me maybe five times … and these years ago. We only talk when I call her, and she makes that clear that it isn’t very welcome).
Last time we talked, I told her about the fact that my husband and I are adopting soon. I told her that I wished she could be the godmother, but since she wasn’t practicing, that couldn’t be - “Our new priest is really strict about that, he requires a letter and all” (I didn’t want it to sound preachy). She got REALLY angry and we haven’t talked since.
I keep her in my prayers every night … guess that’s all I can do.
 
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Trishie:
… I do regret the disappointment and sorrow you feel regarding your family.
However, many people who don’t desire to believe and are not open to faith, will feel assaulted if you initiate discussion on religion. Naturally they will then wish to avoid you, especially if you persist. The effect of this sometimes can be to drive them further into their position, leaving less likelihood of conversion.
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Wondered how to say what I thought and then found this comment from Trishie which says it for me.
Imagine if another faith, or an agnostic, or an athiest tried to proselytize you, you’d resist and grow more firm in your position! To you the faith, the gospel, is ‘good news’, and that’s wonderful. But try giving footbal results and details to someone who couldn’t care less about football. It would just be a bore to them.
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Trishie has again said what I would have said. But I would have used cricket as the sporting example and believe me when matches go on for five days (and may result in a draw) people do avoid you if say more than that the match is still on.
If you feel the need to state your position and the truths you believe, don’t do so with any kind of pressure. I’m sure you wouldn’t but obviously the family interpreted your enthusiasm and desire to convert them as pressure.
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So easy to say, and so difficult to do when we are enthusiastic about something.
 
One of those “safe” and quiet ways to evangelize your family members might be to use those Mass cards that come in the mail. You know the ones I’m talking about - they send you a blank card to send to the person you have the Mass prayed for along with one to send back to the mission or oblates ro whoever is in need of the donation. I did. For like Mother’s day and Father’s day etc. I sent them along with the usual Mother’s day cards and birthday cards just to let them know I was still Catholic and still wanted them to be. The cards said it all for me but in a way that wasn’t pushy. Leastways I thought so. I like to think when my dad was fighting his cancer, it was a comfort to know prayers were being offered for him, but they never responded to them, so I don’t know.

Peace,

Gail
 
beencounter said:
I am really sick of heart to think they are really this disinterested. 😦 I had been praying for their conversions for the past 2 years, and to be rejected like this is very painful. I am upset because they do not know what they are rejecting!

Has anyone else ever had this experience from fallen away family members? Can anyone make any recommendations to help me in the future?
Click to expand...
i know exactly how you feel… & even though i should know & accept that i am going to be persecuted for standing up for the Faith, it never fails to hurt when family members… who are supposed to 'love" you treat you this way… & it can hurt more than you expect it to…

I couldn’t believe how some family members acted toward me… but then i just always try to remind myself of what Jesus said, that we will be “hated by all” because of him… “hated by all”… even by those in the Church (i have found… Have you experienced THAT one yet??? I am sure you will).

Anyway, i just give those people to God and pray rosaries over them…

and over myself… 😃
 
My mother and I often joke about being the Last Catholics Standing in our family.

I will say that my brother, who sees himself as some sort of karma-believing Buddist unless it means actually doing something (like chanting) at which point he is an agnostic, has stayed open enough to allow me to teach his children Truth.

My confirmation sponsor (my cousin) suddenly decided (at age 64) that it mattered tremendously to her that a woman could never be Pope…so now she is an Episcopalean…until her only grandchild had to go through surgery and suddenly she was a Rosary-praying Catholic again…and now the baby is ok so she is back to talking about the ‘glass ceiling’ of the Catholic Church and raving about her woman ‘priest’.

I dunnoo…

I think Trishie said it best: we converts and reverts can be a little overwhelming to our families when we are on fire for a Faith they left behind years ago. Pray, be kind, if they tell you you are too preachy, apologize and say, “I am just so enthusiastic I guess I go overboard” and then change the subject…but never EVER forget you are a Catholic Out Loud…and do not apologize for using arguments framed by Catholic Theology and/or Catholic Philosophy. When someone in my family objects to that, I remind them of their ‘if it makes you happy’ philosophy of life…and tell them that being a Catholic Out Loud makes me happy, allows me to be truly free and telling me to shut up about it is no different than a super-conservative telling THEM to shut up…a bigot is a bigot, right?

As a result, they have both had to stretch their minds…and listen out of respect.

Pray pray pray…May Our Lady lead all her children home to her Son.
 
I think the best you can do is pray and preach with your life. I was an atheist for 25 years, and reverted back to the faith. NO ONE in my family is a Catholic, let alone a Christian, any more. Agnostics and atheists all.

It’s tough for me, because I am bubbling over with the Faith.

My BF is a Catholic so I keep sane.

While I was an atheist, I would have shut you out completely. I wouldn’t have wanted to be bothered by you and your ‘holy rolling’.

The Holy Spirit was the One who led me back. Until He made called me, I was NOT ready, and all your talk would have been for naught, and would have damaged our relationship. I am lucky to have some Catholic friends that I’ve known since high school and college. All the while, they NEVER preached, but prayed.

One of my prayers is ‘Please God, let me **** off no one with my actions and statements in that I would turn them away from You.’ As open Catholics, we are judged by our high standards, and I would hate to come across as preachy or hypocritical and make someone hate the Church or disparage God.

Prayers do work, but just not on our schedule.
 
Wow o wow - Distracted stated: " i know exactly how you feel… & even though i should know & accept that i am going to be persecuted for standing up for the Faith, it never fails to hurt when family members… who are supposed to 'love" you treat you this way… & it can hurt more than you expect it to… "

I think part of the reason why it hurts sooooooooo much is once we get serious about following Jesus, our capacity to love at a deeper level intensifies. We simply love better. It isn’t that we loved them less before accepting Christ into our lives, but God gives us the ability to love deeper, clearer, more like Him. The deeper we love, the more it hurts! Does that make sense? The more we love God, the more we love others. The wounding becomes deeper. Then we begin to understand the pain our dear Lord went through in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Hope I made some sense.

Peace,

Gail

P.S. Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto Thine.
 
GailMac said:
The more we love God, the more we love others. The wounding becomes deeper. Then we begin to understand the pain our dear Lord went through in the Garden of Gethsemane.

.
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that so hits the nail on the head…

The Holy Spirit revealed that same thing to me… but i had forgotten about that aspect of the problem…

Even so… my family really does hate me more now that i am devout… and some of them are supposed to be practicing Catholics… :hmmm:
 
Sheeniac said:
, and I would hate to come across as preachy or hypocritical and make someone hate the Church or disparage God.

Prayers do work, but just not on our schedule.
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it is “easy” to feel hostility toward a Church because of its members…

but truth doesn’t change just because pepole abuse truth… go against truth…

If a person really cares about which Church is the one God founded… he/she will find it.
 
distracted said:
If a person really cares about which Church is the one God founded… he/she will find it.
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But the point is that we’re talking about family members who have lost their connection to the Church. The last thing any of us wants to do is give them more reason to stay away. If we’re too judgmental or preachy, we may be stumbling blocks to the Holy Spirit working in their lives.
 
Dear Suscipe, I agree somewhat with your point, however if no one ever invites anyone to the Church…someone has to open the doors and shout “Hey, you! God loves you so much He built a Church for you and you’re invited!” even if they are slammed in our faces over and over again! God didn’t light a lamp and hide it under a bushel basket. If the love of God is moving you to talk to your family members, perhaps it is wise to respond to that grace and talk. I don’t fear much accept answering to God for what I did with the gift of faith He gave me. I’ve tried to share it with others. I trust God to do the rest.

Peace,

Gail
 
GailMac said:
Dear Suscipe, I agree somewhat with your point, however if no one ever invites anyone to the Church…someone has to open the doors and shout “Hey, you! God loves you so much He built a Church for you and you’re invited!” even if they are slammed in our faces over and over again! God didn’t light a lamp and hide it under a bushel basket. If the love of God is moving you to talk to your family members, perhaps it is wise to respond to that grace and talk. I don’t fear much accept answering to God for what I did with the gift of faith He gave me. I’ve tried to share it with others. I trust God to do the rest.

Peace,

Gail
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I said that I thought being judgmental or preachy was a problem. I absolutely believe in inviting people to Mass or finding small ways of making them aware of the Spirit moving in their lives.

When I’m with my non-practicing brother I always invite him to come to Mass with me. He always says no but I’m not going to stop asking. I’m also not going to do anything to come across as holier-than-thou when I go. I just want the invitation to be there so he knows he’s welcome.

I think we’re pretty much in agreement here. 🙂
 
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