J
Just_wondering
Guest
So an acquaintance left Korea today, and I’m feeling quite relieved, to tell you the truth. This is a guy that admitted to me about three weeks ago that he had feelings for me. His admission didn’t particularly bother me, but then he didn’t seem to want to leave me alone. I ended up having to be pretty blunt to make him give up. I feel bad about it, but so relieved at the same time.
About three weeks ago, when he gave notice at his job, he chatted with me on MSN messenger to tell me that he had just quit his job and was going to leave Korea. I said something along the lines of “oh yeah, that’s a shame, I’ll miss hanging out with you.” Then he told me that he couldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t tell me he had developed feelings for me, and he knew he had no chance because I’m already seeing someone, but he just had to tell me before he left the country because he couldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t. I basically said, well, I respect your feelings, and I’m flattered, but I’ve already met the love of my life and I’m sorry. He said no hard feelings, he understood, but he just had to get it off his chest.
Then the next time we chatted on MSN, he brought it up again, and sent me the link to a song that expressed his longing for me. I told him that I wasn’t the girl for him, and he’d better get over it. He apologized and promised not to bother me, and to respect my relationship with my boyfriend. He backed off and didn’t mention it for a while.
Then he brought it up again last week. I was having coffee near his house when he logged on MSN and started chatting to me again. I mentioned that I was nearby and now would be a good time to say goodbye, and he replied something about not wanting to see someone as lovely as me before he’d showered. I told him that his flirtation was really making me uncomfortable, since he knew I wasn’t interested. He admitted that he was hoping that I’d break up with my boyfriend and date him, and I told him it wasn’t going to happen. He started telling me that he could give me so much more, and I’d never want for anything and so on… So then I told him that I wouldn’t date him even if my boyfriend and I did break up. I didn’t want to be harsh, but it’s the truth. He wanted to know why, and I didn’t want to tell him, but he kept pestering me. Finally I told him that I was uncomfortable with his views on sex before marriage (he’s pro-premarital sex and had a child out of wedlock), we didn’t share a religion (he’s born-again Christian, which I’m not comfortable with), and that was enough to tell me that we’re not compatible.
His response was to apologize for making me uncomfortable, and then log out of MSN before I could respond. While he had been online regularly and chatted with me every few days, he didn’t log in for almost a week. He sent me a message later in the week to tell me that his flight was on Sunday and thanks for the memories, and I suspect I won’t hear from him again. I feel bad that I appear to have offended him, and I feel like I was too harsh when I rejected him, but he seemed to be keeping this fantasy alive that I’d throw away everything my boyfriend and I have worked toward together and get swept off my feet by him instead. And although I feel bad that I seem to have offended him, it’s such a relief to know that he’s not speaking to me anymore and won’t be making me uncomfortable with his inappropriate comments.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. I guess I want to know whether I was rude or not, whether I could have done something differently, whether there was any way I could have discouraged him from falling in love with me in the first place. Your experiences (either as the object of affection or as the one having their advances rejected) would be welcome too, if you’d like to share.
About three weeks ago, when he gave notice at his job, he chatted with me on MSN messenger to tell me that he had just quit his job and was going to leave Korea. I said something along the lines of “oh yeah, that’s a shame, I’ll miss hanging out with you.” Then he told me that he couldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t tell me he had developed feelings for me, and he knew he had no chance because I’m already seeing someone, but he just had to tell me before he left the country because he couldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t. I basically said, well, I respect your feelings, and I’m flattered, but I’ve already met the love of my life and I’m sorry. He said no hard feelings, he understood, but he just had to get it off his chest.
Then the next time we chatted on MSN, he brought it up again, and sent me the link to a song that expressed his longing for me. I told him that I wasn’t the girl for him, and he’d better get over it. He apologized and promised not to bother me, and to respect my relationship with my boyfriend. He backed off and didn’t mention it for a while.
Then he brought it up again last week. I was having coffee near his house when he logged on MSN and started chatting to me again. I mentioned that I was nearby and now would be a good time to say goodbye, and he replied something about not wanting to see someone as lovely as me before he’d showered. I told him that his flirtation was really making me uncomfortable, since he knew I wasn’t interested. He admitted that he was hoping that I’d break up with my boyfriend and date him, and I told him it wasn’t going to happen. He started telling me that he could give me so much more, and I’d never want for anything and so on… So then I told him that I wouldn’t date him even if my boyfriend and I did break up. I didn’t want to be harsh, but it’s the truth. He wanted to know why, and I didn’t want to tell him, but he kept pestering me. Finally I told him that I was uncomfortable with his views on sex before marriage (he’s pro-premarital sex and had a child out of wedlock), we didn’t share a religion (he’s born-again Christian, which I’m not comfortable with), and that was enough to tell me that we’re not compatible.
His response was to apologize for making me uncomfortable, and then log out of MSN before I could respond. While he had been online regularly and chatted with me every few days, he didn’t log in for almost a week. He sent me a message later in the week to tell me that his flight was on Sunday and thanks for the memories, and I suspect I won’t hear from him again. I feel bad that I appear to have offended him, and I feel like I was too harsh when I rejected him, but he seemed to be keeping this fantasy alive that I’d throw away everything my boyfriend and I have worked toward together and get swept off my feet by him instead. And although I feel bad that I seem to have offended him, it’s such a relief to know that he’s not speaking to me anymore and won’t be making me uncomfortable with his inappropriate comments.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. I guess I want to know whether I was rude or not, whether I could have done something differently, whether there was any way I could have discouraged him from falling in love with me in the first place. Your experiences (either as the object of affection or as the one having their advances rejected) would be welcome too, if you’d like to share.