Rejection of Father

  • Thread starter Thread starter gingerale
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
G

gingerale

Guest
Dear people,

How can I deal with the rejection of my earthly father? My mother passed away in 1995 and my father remarried at 85 years of age in 1995 to a woman 20 years his junior. She has done everything she can to separate him from his first family, e.g. when I came out of a psychiatric ward, my father would not let me come home because his wife did not want me there, and made me stay in a nursing home although I was only 54, my car broke down on the highway and I only had $2 so I asked my father to call for help for me, and he refused because his wife did not like him aiding me in this way, when I got really depressed because I had lost my job I came to my father’s house because I had no where else to go and he said “Why did you come here?” He did not want me to upset his relationship with his new wife who wants all of his material possessions. When I vomited at his house on a visit I vomited on some wallpaper his then fianne had already installed because I could not make it to the bathroom. My father was just angry at me for messing up the wallpaper, and not at all concerned with my illness. I have been single all my life and have worked consistently now for over 30 years, even with battles with mental illness. It hurts so to be rejected by my father at this late stage when he used to be good to me at least some of the time before she appeared. Please help me. Right now I am upset with my father because of similar rejections, but since he is very old and could die anytime I should make up with him, but my heart is not in it because of his cruelty, especially with his new wife who wants all of his material possessions. Please help me.
 
Dear gingerale,

Know that my prayers are with you as you go through this difficult ordeal. The first piece of advice I would give you is to seek out a good spiritual counselor. Not a psychologist, who can only help you with matters of the mind, but a priest, even if you’re not Catholic – they receive a good deal of training in this sort of thing that Protestant ministers do not always get.

Second, whenever you are feeling angry at your father, try praying the Lord’s Prayer, and focus on the phrase “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” If your father will not accept you, accept him first. And although it’s difficult, try not to judge him. I don’t know the situation, but from what you’ve said, it sounds to me that he’s terrified of being alone, and that he’s so desperate for his new wife to remain that he’s doing things that he doesn’t necessarily want to do. At 85 years old, I would imagine the fear of having no one to take care of you would be terrible. It doesn’t sound like he has a very healthy relationship with this woman, and it’s probably affecting how he deals with you.

Pray for him, and pray that God might reconcile the two of you. I will do the same. God Bless.
 
Dear Dr. Colossus,

Thank you so much for your wonderful advice which I will take to heart. I have just reconciled with my father because he is old and I do love him very much. I know that you are right and that he is terrified of being alone. I also know his wife now goes off and leaves him, at times, without even telling him where she is going. She threatens him in this way when she wants something more from him. It is so hard to watch how she operates, but I do love my father and I will continue to be there for him. I will seek the advice of a priest. I am a Lutheran who is considering joining the Catholic church. My pastor has been so good to me that I hate to leave my church, but I will pray as you have suggested that everything works out according to God’s will, and I will pray for my father as you suggested. I can not thank you enough for your reply.

Sincerely,

Gingerale
 
I am so glad to hear that you have made up with your father. Remember, though, that forgiveness can sometimes be an ongoing effort. We are all fallible beings. Continually let your father know how much you love him, but also be prepared to forgive him if he shuns you again.

I am also glad to hear that your spiritual journey is leading you toward the Catholic Church. Trust the Holy Spirit as He leads you into all truth, even if that means away from your Lutheran church. I have no doubts that your pastor is a wonderful, holy man. But there is one thing that he can’t give you–the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ fully present in the Eucharist. If you believe that Christ meant it when He said we must eat His flesh and drink His blood, there is only one Church on earth that can give you that.
 
Dear Dr. Colossus,

I can not thank you enough for your spiritual and personal guidance. Through your guidance, I am able to see my earthly father with new eyes of compassion.

I do want to participate in the Holy Eucharist. One very good thing that I have found from my own sufferings is that they enable me to understand and feel more for the sufferings of others…as the Phillipinos say, “When a friend cries, you taste salt.” I believe that this understanding,with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, will enable me to more fully comprehend the true nature and depth of Jesus Christ’s suffering.

I have been strongly encouraged by Mother Angelica, Bishop Fulton Sheen, and other fine Catholics that come on the EWTN station in our city. I can walk to the Catholic Church from my apartment, so I have lots to investigate.

I can not thank you enough for your guidance in my journey. You will be continuously in my prayers.
 
Thank you for your prayers, and be assured that I will constantly keep you in mine. Service to Christ and others can be a struggle, but when things are difficult, remember the words of St. Paul:

:bible1: “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church” Colossians 1:24

Also, feel free to private message me at any time if you have questions or want someone to talk to. (You can do this by clicking on my name above this post and then clicking “Send Private Message”).
 
I have been battling mental illness for the last two years, and have had previous family problems, so in some ways I really understand what you are going through. You are close in my prayers! 👍
 
I thought about your problem quite a bit after I read it. I was thinking about Jesus carrying the cross up to Calvary, and the rejection he endured from those he loved so deeply. And I thought about you. It seems a good meditation. Sometimes, when I suffer from something, I run to the suffering of Christ to walk with him. I suffer with him and it gives me the strength to endure my own.

I’ll pray for you.
(It sounds like you’re doing better)
 
Dean Joane and Trinitatem,

Thank you so much for your support. I will keep you both in my prayers.

I appreciate your help from the bottom of my heart.

Joane, mental illness does get better so please know that even though it has been two years, you may still find your way to wellness. I am sorry for your suffering, but please know that it can and often does get better. I find that taking a 30 minute walk helps me with some of my mental challenges. It is very hot where I live now, but the days are long enough that I can walk when it cools off. I hope you have some place nice to walk. I will be thinking of you on my walks. Please feel free to send me a private message if I can help you any in your struggles with mental illness.

Trinitatem, I appreciate the very thoughtful meditation very much, and I will consider it thoughtfully.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top