Relationship about to break

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Christa

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Me and my boyfriend have dated for 5 years. We have prayed together a lot of times and even both of our families accepted this proposal. But nothing worked out as his dad was an ardent sspx follower and me and my family weren’t ok with the marriage in the sspx way. The guy says he cannot marry me against the will of his father. And his father is not ready to accept the marriage in a Novos Ordo mass. Both of us aren’t ready to breakup each other. We truly love each other. The only reason stopping this marriage is because his dad wants an sspx mass and also wants me to stop going to retreats and charismatic meetings.
I am helpless 😦 wat do i do :’(
 
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Hi Christa, I notice that first of all you posted this in prayer intentions, which is supposed to be only for prayers, not advice. However, you seem to be asking for advice. Maybe somebody could move this thread over to “Family Life” which is a more fitting category for discussions of engaged couples.

Second, you titled it “Marriage about to break” but you aren’t actually married yet. The difference is kind of important because married Catholics generally try to work through problems and preserve their marriage. By contrast, if you aren’t married yet, you can still get out of this relationship and go find someone more in tune with you to marry.

My opinion is that if a grown man isn’t willing to go against his father’s preference - and it is just a preference, because marriage in an Ordinary Form Mass would be holy and valid and the normal way marriages are done by the Church, so it’s not a matter of going against the Church in any way - in order to marry the woman he supposedly loves, then the grown man is not marriage material. Break up and find somebody else. Just my 2 cents.
 
It’s time to move on and find a man you can share your life with, and one who is ready, willing, and able to leave his parents and cling to his wife.

He has misplaced allegiance to his father’s wishes. And his father exerts too much control over him.

If you marry him, expect that to continue.
 
angel12 said:
Can you imagine his father running your life for decades?
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No… but somewhere the love we have for each other stops us from breaking up. And i am not sure i can even lead my future life happily.
 
Christa said:
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angel12:
Can you imagine his father running your life for decades?
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No… but somewhere the love we have for each other stops us from breaking up. And i am not sure i can even lead my future life happily.
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Well, if you marry a guy that has more concern for his father’s wishes than yours, your future life will not be lived happily. I think you are letting your love blind you to the reality of what is going on here.
 
Christa said:
I cannot imagine of breaking up with him.
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A bold step can be difficult to imagine, and it can take a lot of courage to act on it and follow through with it. Complacency is easy to settle into.

The issue isn’t with your boyfriend’s father. The issue is with your boyfriend. He is willing to side with the unreasonable position of his father over the wishes of his bride and her family. And not over a small matter either. If your boyfriend cannot see his position as being immature, then that should be troubling to you.
 
Christa said:
And i am not sure i can even lead my future life happily.
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Christa-- this is called “being young”. No one likes to hear this when they ARE young, but it is true. Our first big heartbreak seems like it is insurmountable and we will never be able to love again, or love as well or as deeply.

But this simply isn’t true.

I cannot imagine being married to anyone other than my awesome husband. I did not meet him until I was in my late 30s. I dated plenty in my teens and early twenties, and had these sorts of heartbreaks that I thought I’d never get over.

To a large degree, you get over them when you decide to get over them. If you allow yourself to wallow, you stay in this place where the past rules your life. Then one day when you are ready, you shake that off, open yourself up to new possibilities, and wonderful people come into your life.
 
This is a difficult situation. Sometimes it is unfortunate because we marry the family of our spouse as well as our spouse.
I do not know your situation, but it seems to me that your boyfriend is marrying you. Your future father in law needs to butt out. Your boyfriend needs to understand that and to explain this to his dad.
Our family is there to lend support, not the opposite.
You and your boyfriend need to pray to God for guidance. Take your future father in law to consult with a priest.
 
JackMcCoy said:
Your boyfriend needs to understand that and to explain this to his dad.
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Yes but the problem is my boyfriend himself is against these charismatic meetings and doesn’t want me to go to them. Idk if this is right.
 
Hey, remember that saying from when you were a kid “You’re not the boss of me!”? Well it applies now.
Your boyfriend and his father don’t get to decide for you. You get to decide. Your parents should be the one influencing you if anyone does, not your boyfriend and his dad.

Christa, do you not see what a big problem this is, and you are not even married yet? Honestly, talk to your parents about everything. There are some big problems in your relationship with your boyfriend. Please don’t hang on to him out of fear of being alone. There are other guys out there that your beliefs will line up with.
 
You must let your boyfriend know that you appreciate his feekings, but it is your soul.
There are different ways to praise our Lord, through prayer, song, and actions.
I don’t understand his reservations about the way you choose to praise and glorify God.
Pray to God for guidance. Try to approach your boyfriend with love and understanding. But also stand up for what you believe to be right. God bless you! 🙏🙏🙏
 
Irishmom2 said:
Christa, do you not see what a big problem this is, and you are not even married yet?
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Yea my parents advice me the same. But we thought we were perfect to each other in all other ways. I understand that human thoughts are not the thoughts of God.
 
Better to be of the same thinking about your faith than all other things. Not agreeing on movies, or vacation wishes or what color to paint your bedroom or even how many kids you want, is not the same as disagreeing on how to attend mass. Your differences are big considering he is so unaccepting of your mass.

You should speak to your parents about this further.
 
There are no perfection relationships.
Most relationships are give and take.
Religion is a big part of who we are.
Our purpose for being here is first to glorify and praise God, and secondly to love and serve one another as brothers and sisters.
Your boyfriend should not dictate how you choose to glorify and praise God.
I know you love your boyfriend, but God comes first. God bless you, Christa!
 
John 6:25

I am the Bread of life. No one who comes to Me shall ever be hungry.

“My faithful Lord and Savior, be the food of my soul now and forever.”

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Christa, on this Friday, I offer the prayers of the Rosary for you.

May you be abundantly blessed through these prayers.

I pray that God sends you the answer you need to solve this problem between you, your boyfriend and his father.
 
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