Another problem I have believing in religion is the number or them that exist. I mean, if Catholics are correct with their views, then are you basically saying Muslim, Islam is wrong?
In so far as two things can’t be the opposite of each other and both correct at the same time, they’re wrong. On some things they’re wrong, on some others they’re misguided, on some they’re right but they don’t differ from what the Catholic Church believes. But we don’t believe we’re right on everything because we’re so wise. We believe that Jesus was son of God, came and died for us to save us from our sins and left us teaching which is true. From this point, we can’t go on and make changes in the deposit of faith, nor can we make it relative and say oh perhaps someone else is right or maybe we both are.
As you say, I can’t truly change my beliefs overnight. But I’m scared I never will which I feel puts a lot of pressure on me. After all I care for this womans feelings immensely. Should I continue things in the hope I become to believe and truly accept her religion, I have no idea how long this will take. What if in 2, 3, 4 years time I decide I just can’t accept it. I’ll cause both of us a great deal of upset and don’t feel as though I can take that risk of hurting her, I think the best thing for me would to be to end things now so we are both free to find someone who shares out beliefs.
That’s a question I can’t answer because firstly, I don’t know both of you enough, secondly, I don’t have that kind of knowledge or ability to make such judgements. What I can tell you is that you should convert if you believe it’s true, or learn more about it if you’re not sure yet… pretending for the sake of pleasing her or her parents won’t work - it has to be between God and you. Tell her you can’t predict the future and can’t make any promises, there is a risk that you will never convert.
I suppose another concern I have is whether she will ever find someone. Here in England I’m aware that devout Catholics are low in number meaning she’ll have difficulty finding the partner she would so love to have.
Well, what’s between you and her is one thing, what-ifs are another. I’m not saying you should both disregard other possibilities. But you shouldn’t base a relationship on being the best one can find for the current moment, or the best she can “realistically” have.
I’m also aware shes had few boyfriends and all have broken up with her since they were also none religious and decided they couldn’t accept her beliefs.
That’s a tough part of being Catholic for sure. I’ve had that happen to me too.
Hope you don’t mind if I address some of the answers you give to 1ke?
I don’t know, I don’t understand religion, I guess I fail to see how much of an important aspect of her life it is
Possible, but you’re looking and you reserve room for such a possibility. That’s more than I’ve seen in most people being in your situation. I think I’m more comfortable talking about faith than religion. Her faith and relationship with God must be the most important thing in her life. Acting on the faith also - doing what we are taught to, participating in the life of the Church, performing acts of religious practice. But it doesn’t work the same way as if we one day came up with some ideas about the supernatural and decided to set up a number of rules that we’ll follow, plus a schedule of gatherings. In other words, we don’t work like a made-up cult. It’s not as if a diet were becoming the most important thing in our live, or as if we made a crucial issue of a singular philosophical concern and centred our lives around it. Perhaps talk to her about what her faith is in her life? I’m pretty sure you’ll quickly notice it’s not the same as with cults or dodgy ideologies, where you’d be expected to swallow a set of bizarre rules that someone made up.
‘why doesn’t Daddy go to Church?"’
Yes, this is one of the concerns I have and one of the reasons I think it maybe best if I break up with her.
Andy
Talk to her. I’m sorry to hear about your pain. I hope it turns out the best for both of you - together or separately. People have managed to have successful marriages in such circumstances, but many others have not. I can’t tell you which way to go. Both of you will need to think a lot about it and she will need to pray. Since you’re considering breaking up with her so as not to hurt her, you’re prepared to tell her there is no pressure from you and her happiness is more important to you than whether she will be with you or not. Clumsy advice on my part, but as much as I wish I could help more, this is all I can come up with.
