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Hi friends. I just need somewhere to vent out, as my first serious relationship, 8 months old that showed a lot of promise ended yesterday. Any advice and prayers are welcome. (Long post coming up)!
I’m a 25-year old tutor, I fell in love with my student who’s 21, who had all the qualities I wanted in a woman (my workplace doesn’t forbid student-teacher relationships). She’s a committed Catholic, and very wise for a girl of her age. Luckily for us we hit off straight away and we started dating. We were so much in love and we had a lot of well wishers…Including her aunt who’s a nun, and our moms. We wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We shared a lot in common.
However, relationships have their challenges. Some of her classmates fed her with really poisonous rumours that I was dating other girls, all lies. They really destabilized her and sowed the seeds of doubt.
Towards the end of the semester, she grows a bit distant from me. She had financial issues, her end-of-semester exams and she was nursing a sick cousin-in-law. I only assumed it was the stress, but again we weren’t helped by another batch of rumours, again all lies. I try to be supportive all times, and told her that at the end of the semester we’ll reconnect. Sure enough, we go to the beach for an end-of-semester party and we do rekindle our love.
A week later, she calls, and angrily confronts me for an encounter with another girl on the beach. It turns out that she saw me talking to one of the girls on the beach I was rumoured to be dating, it was a very innocent and respectful and short convo. Later on, that same girl asked for my phone to call her uncle as her phone battery died. When we were in the car driving home, the uncle called and asked for her, but since I left her and the rest behind I sent him a fellow tutor’s phone number. Unfortunately, my girl put 2 and 2 together and got 5. Things weren’t the same since.
When she got home, 3 days before Christmas, I had started my 2-week annual leave. I asked her why it’s hard communicating with her, and she said she doesn’t feel happy in our relationship, doesn’t feel like being one and I should just assume she’s my friend. I refuse to accept that and ask her not to give up and we can solve our problems.
After new year, I return to work, I saw her for the first time, she came to college as her tutors had asked her to do some voice-overs for an ad. I tried to speak to her but she said it wasn’t the best time, and that we should reserve a day for that. Surely enough, Saturday 17th was the day.
Finally we go to a cafe I then ask her to say why she’s unhappy in our relationship.
She then mentions that I said things to her that hurt her, and made her feel unworthy and unloved. She mentions the issue with the girl on the beach. And when she was financially hit, I didn’t care for her. And that I mentioned that we grew up in different families so we can’t think the same.
I swear to God, if there was anything I said that she didn’t like, I didn’t mean it. Since we were talking on the phone or texting, she misinterpreted a lot of statements I said. In reality, I went out of my way to support her financially…if she asked I never said no to her. I gave her money for her hair. I gave her money for a school trip. I gave her lunch money at times. At our 6-month anniversary, I was broke myself, but I asked for loan and bought her a present. I recharged her phone with credit. If she fell sick, I drove her back to her hostel. If she needed to move stuff to and fro, I helped her with rides. She had a job interview, I prepared her CV, and gave her possible questions and answers. ALL THAT BECAUSE I LOVED HER AND TREATED HER AS MY WIFE-TO-BE.
I wanted us to forgive and start afresh but she was adamant that she wanted a break to get herself back on track. She tearfully told me she loved me but she can’t commit to me anymore, and if God wishes we’ll be back together someday.
I know God knows what’s best for me, but she’s a good woman, and she’s worth fighting for. I’m just hoping that in several months’ time she’ll hopefully feel better about herself then I’ll probably ask for a second chance…She insists she isn’t breaking up with me to be with someone else. I feel we had miscommunication issues, and unfortunately she bottled up her feelings for too long when she felt I said something wrong. They turned into resentment and she lost her love to me. For the 5 things that went wrong with us, 95 went absolutely well, but she’s not in the condition to realize that for now. I also accept my own flaws that made her feel unworthy.
Tomorrow I’ll have to go to work and and see her everyday for the next 4 months and assume nothing’s happened to us because we’re friends. I’ll have to put on a brave face when one of my colleagues mentions her name. And somehow I’ll have to clear my mind of the grief I’m going through and get work done…
What’s even worse, next month we both have our birthdays. Our relationship couldn’t live to this special month. I planned ahead for this month, but all those plans have now bitten the dust. Together with all the baby names and marriage dates and numerous other plans that we made with each other. No meeting the young sister whom she called ‘my twin’… looks like me and writes left handed like me…All thrown out of the window.
I know my problems are way, way weak compared to some of the problems I read on this site, or that I hear of. However, ever since things got tough, I’ve always prayed to God to open her heart to me once more and take me back, as my feelings for her have always been genuine. However, if it’s God’s will that she won’t be the one for me, then I thank God for everything. He knows I did what was best for her. I’ll leave it all in God’s hands as He makes everything beautiful in His time.
I’m a 25-year old tutor, I fell in love with my student who’s 21, who had all the qualities I wanted in a woman (my workplace doesn’t forbid student-teacher relationships). She’s a committed Catholic, and very wise for a girl of her age. Luckily for us we hit off straight away and we started dating. We were so much in love and we had a lot of well wishers…Including her aunt who’s a nun, and our moms. We wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We shared a lot in common.
However, relationships have their challenges. Some of her classmates fed her with really poisonous rumours that I was dating other girls, all lies. They really destabilized her and sowed the seeds of doubt.
Towards the end of the semester, she grows a bit distant from me. She had financial issues, her end-of-semester exams and she was nursing a sick cousin-in-law. I only assumed it was the stress, but again we weren’t helped by another batch of rumours, again all lies. I try to be supportive all times, and told her that at the end of the semester we’ll reconnect. Sure enough, we go to the beach for an end-of-semester party and we do rekindle our love.
A week later, she calls, and angrily confronts me for an encounter with another girl on the beach. It turns out that she saw me talking to one of the girls on the beach I was rumoured to be dating, it was a very innocent and respectful and short convo. Later on, that same girl asked for my phone to call her uncle as her phone battery died. When we were in the car driving home, the uncle called and asked for her, but since I left her and the rest behind I sent him a fellow tutor’s phone number. Unfortunately, my girl put 2 and 2 together and got 5. Things weren’t the same since.
When she got home, 3 days before Christmas, I had started my 2-week annual leave. I asked her why it’s hard communicating with her, and she said she doesn’t feel happy in our relationship, doesn’t feel like being one and I should just assume she’s my friend. I refuse to accept that and ask her not to give up and we can solve our problems.
After new year, I return to work, I saw her for the first time, she came to college as her tutors had asked her to do some voice-overs for an ad. I tried to speak to her but she said it wasn’t the best time, and that we should reserve a day for that. Surely enough, Saturday 17th was the day.
Finally we go to a cafe I then ask her to say why she’s unhappy in our relationship.
She then mentions that I said things to her that hurt her, and made her feel unworthy and unloved. She mentions the issue with the girl on the beach. And when she was financially hit, I didn’t care for her. And that I mentioned that we grew up in different families so we can’t think the same.
I swear to God, if there was anything I said that she didn’t like, I didn’t mean it. Since we were talking on the phone or texting, she misinterpreted a lot of statements I said. In reality, I went out of my way to support her financially…if she asked I never said no to her. I gave her money for her hair. I gave her money for a school trip. I gave her lunch money at times. At our 6-month anniversary, I was broke myself, but I asked for loan and bought her a present. I recharged her phone with credit. If she fell sick, I drove her back to her hostel. If she needed to move stuff to and fro, I helped her with rides. She had a job interview, I prepared her CV, and gave her possible questions and answers. ALL THAT BECAUSE I LOVED HER AND TREATED HER AS MY WIFE-TO-BE.
I wanted us to forgive and start afresh but she was adamant that she wanted a break to get herself back on track. She tearfully told me she loved me but she can’t commit to me anymore, and if God wishes we’ll be back together someday.
I know God knows what’s best for me, but she’s a good woman, and she’s worth fighting for. I’m just hoping that in several months’ time she’ll hopefully feel better about herself then I’ll probably ask for a second chance…She insists she isn’t breaking up with me to be with someone else. I feel we had miscommunication issues, and unfortunately she bottled up her feelings for too long when she felt I said something wrong. They turned into resentment and she lost her love to me. For the 5 things that went wrong with us, 95 went absolutely well, but she’s not in the condition to realize that for now. I also accept my own flaws that made her feel unworthy.
Tomorrow I’ll have to go to work and and see her everyday for the next 4 months and assume nothing’s happened to us because we’re friends. I’ll have to put on a brave face when one of my colleagues mentions her name. And somehow I’ll have to clear my mind of the grief I’m going through and get work done…
What’s even worse, next month we both have our birthdays. Our relationship couldn’t live to this special month. I planned ahead for this month, but all those plans have now bitten the dust. Together with all the baby names and marriage dates and numerous other plans that we made with each other. No meeting the young sister whom she called ‘my twin’… looks like me and writes left handed like me…All thrown out of the window.
I know my problems are way, way weak compared to some of the problems I read on this site, or that I hear of. However, ever since things got tough, I’ve always prayed to God to open her heart to me once more and take me back, as my feelings for her have always been genuine. However, if it’s God’s will that she won’t be the one for me, then I thank God for everything. He knows I did what was best for her. I’ll leave it all in God’s hands as He makes everything beautiful in His time.
