Remarrying your ex-husband

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paddyann

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My husband and I got divorced about 8 years ago. Neither of us has gotten an annullment and bothof us have been celibate during that time. Now we are getting back together. My ex says in the eyes of the church we are still remarried so we can have sex. But in the law we are not married so I am concerned we can’t morally have sex with each other unless we get remarried. To be recognized in the church as a married couple do we have to get remarried?
 
talk to your pastor, he will assist you in this situation so that you are complying with the laws of the church as well as the civil laws of your jurisdiction. yes in US states you would have to civilly marry again, and there is a rather simple church procedure, and of course confession and return to the sacraments if either party has fallen away from the church during this time.
 
You are considered married by the Church. You can engage in all activities fitting to a married couple.

God Bless and congratulations on you reconciliation.
 
Divorce is a civil action, it has nothing to do with the state of your marriage as far as the Church is concerned. You are still considered married to him unless a Tribunal were to determine otherwise through the nullity process. Since you are getting back together there is no need to go through that process.

For public appearances, however, you may wish to have some sort of small ceremony so that people understand that you are (still) married, and not just living together after being divorced. Most people don’t understand the “once married always married, even after divorce” teaching of the Catholic Church. So you may wish to celebrate your marriage in some way. Also, from a legal civil perspective you are not married any more, so you would need a civil service to make that happen. You do not need to marry again in the Church.

So happy for you!!! 😃

~Liza
 
You are no doubt married in the eyes of the Church and enjoy all the rights of the married.

Legally, in the U.S., there may be some civil matters to be attended to and to that end, maybe your pastor could help, maybe a lawyer, maybe a call to city hall; b/ in the U.S., your marriage “contract” was civilly broken and needs to be repaired for tax purposes, wills, etc.

But as to the licitness of the rights of the married, you are good to go (and I would suggest that you go exercise some rights, as soon as possible).
 
It might be nice if you quietly renewed your vows in the Church as well. Good luck.
 
paddyann said:
My husband and I got divorced about 8 years ago. Neither of us has gotten an annullment and bothof us have been celibate during that time. Now we are getting back together. My ex says in the eyes of the church we are still remarried so we can have sex. But in the law we are not married so I am concerned we can’t morally have sex with each other unless we get remarried. To be recognized in the church as a married couple do we have to get remarried?
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You would generally not have to convalidate your Marriage in the Church. You could if you wished “renew” your vows after you are legally married again.
 
I have nothing to add, but to say how happy I am for the two of you!!! :extrahappy: God Bless!!!
 
The way divorce was explained to me is that in the eyes of the Church it is merely a division of property.
You remain married. This does not take into account all the emotional issues that are involved in a divorce.
If my husband ever wanted to reconcile, I would want a small quiet ceremony to renew our vows in Church.
As has been mentioned earlier, talk to your pastor to make arrangements and to address the legal issues.
 
paddyann said:
My husband and I got divorced about 8 years ago. Neither of us has gotten an annullment and bothof us have been celibate during that time. Now we are getting back together. My ex says in the eyes of the church we are still remarried so we can have sex. But in the law we are not married so I am concerned we can’t morally have sex with each other unless we get remarried. To be recognized in the church as a married couple do we have to get remarried?
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Not sure what you mean by ‘getting back together’. Dating? Working on the relationship?

Unless you are full blown reconciled for good (joint accounts, both names on the house, living in the same house etc), your ex may just want an excuse to have sex. Sorry, I had to put that out there. —KCT
 
KCT said:
Not sure what you mean by ‘getting back together’. Dating? Working on the relationship?

Unless you are full blown reconciled for good (joint accounts, both names on the house, living in the same house etc), your ex may just want an excuse to have sex. Sorry, I had to put that out there. —KCT
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I was wondering the same thing.

While in the eyes of the Church the OP and her ex are married and it wouldn’t be sinful for them to have sex, that’s not saying it’s a good idea.

Most of the previous posts seem to assume that they are going to legally marry again but the OP never actually said this will happen. I would be very cautious about being intimate prior to the relationship being civilly legal.
 
KCT said:
Not sure what you mean by ‘getting back together’. Dating? Working on the relationship?

Unless you are full blown reconciled for good (joint accounts, both names on the house, living in the same house etc), your ex may just want an excuse to have sex. Sorry, I had to put that out there. —KCT
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What the Church says is one thing. What your emotions say may be something else entirely. As mentioned in my earlier post, that is a good reason to look for a renewed committment before being hurt again.
 
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