Renewing of marriage vows--should we have a priest do this?

  • Thread starter Thread starter whatevergirl
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
W

whatevergirl

Guest
*My husband and I will be married for 20 yrs in two more years. I was thinking today, of having us renew our vows. Just curious, have any of you ever done this, and do we need to ask a priest to do this? Is it wrong to renew wedding vows on a beach with a priest, does the Catholic Church permit this type of thing, for renewing of vows only?

And, for those who have done this, did you send invitations to family/friends to attend, and have a celebration afterwards? I would like this to be very special for us, but want to make sure we do things correctly, according to The Church.

Thanks in advance for your replies. :)*
 
Sharon,

I can’t answer your question outright, but the 2 links below regard something similar. These were posted on EWTN, and the first link was answered by Michelle Arnold (Apologist for CA, also on this forum). If nothing else, it’s some food for thought.

I hope you do find an answer though. My wife and I just had a blessing done after Daily Mass (since our anniversary fell on a Friday) by the Bishop for our 10th anniversary back in May.

Congrats on the upcoming milestone!👍

ewtn.com/vexperts/showresult.asp?RecNum=573930&Forums=0&Experts=0&Days=2008&Author=&Keyword=vows&pgnu=1&groupnum=0&record_bookmark=17&ORDER_BY_TXT=ORDER+BY+ID+DESC&start_at=

ewtn.com/vexperts/showresult.asp?RecNum=574359&Forums=0&Experts=0&Days=2008&Author=&Keyword=vows&pgnu=1&groupnum=0&record_bookmark=13&ORDER_BY_TXT=ORDER+BY+ID+DESC&start_at=
 
Oh wow, so it’s called a nuptial mass…I don’t know what I was thinking, I can have a mass read for us, specifically for this? How exciting! Thank you for the links! 👋
 
Hmmmm I don’t know the ‘official’ position on this but I think it would lean towards not ‘renewing’ so much as blessing.

My grandparents had a big 50th anniversary thing several years back and everyone attended a regular Sunday mass together and the Priest (amazingly the SAME priest who had married them) did a blessing then. It’s was really nice. They had a big reception afterward. I’m fairly certain anything like this would have to be done in a Church not at the beach etc.

Now that I’ve not been helpful at all I’ll let someone else who has a clue respond:D
 
A renewal of vows is included in the Marriage ritual book so it’s a perfectly Catholic ritual.

My mom & dad renewed their vows at a Mass in their intention for their 25th anniversary and they exchanged new wedding bands: Dad got a ring for the first time since at the time of their wedding it wasn’t customary for men to wear wedding rings & Mom as a replacement for her very thin band which broke after about 15 years of marriage. Afterwards they went out to dinner with another couple who then took them out for ‘drinks’ and straight to a surprise party that had been organized in their honour.

In our Canadian Marriage ritual the formula for the exchange of consent is the same as for the original marriage, although the introduction by the priest makes it clear that the original vows are still ‘in force’ so to speak. From what I’ve read on this website I gather that in the US the formula is different and is clearly a reaffirmation of the original vows.
 
Since a priest or a deacon can officiate at a wedding, I would imagine either can preside over a renewal of vows.
 
whatevergirl said:
*My husband and I will be married for 20 yrs in two more years. I was thinking today, of having us renew our vows. Just curious, have any of you ever done this, and do we need to ask a priest to do this? Is it wrong to renew wedding vows on a beach with a priest, does the Catholic Church permit this type of thing, for renewing of vows only?

And, for those who have done this, did you send invitations to family/friends to attend, and have a celebration afterwards? I would like this to be very special for us, but want to make sure we do things correctly, according to The Church.

Thanks in advance for your replies. :)*
Click to expand...
My dw and I haven’t discussed it yet, but we are going to Mass tonight for some friends that are celebrating their 10th anniversary. They are having a small get together after Mass with finger foods.
 
*I love that idea, Nechasin! Thank you–that sounds nice and simple, actually.

I would want to make sure family & friends could attend, so I wonder if a priest would do this on a Saturday afternoon, that would be so great. Well, it’s off in the distance another year and half away…so…plenty of time to plan! I think it would be very special.

Thank you to all who left a reply here…maybe we could do this at 19 yrs, I don’t want to wait! 😃

We never had an official wedding, (long story, family interference, thread for another time) I always thought it would be nice to have something catered, with friends and family on the beach, I don’t know why–looks romantic…but I would tell people no gifts. It would be about family and friends coming together to celebrate this with us, that’s it. *
 
whatevergirl said:
*I love that idea, Nechasin! Thank you–that sounds nice and simple, actually.

I would want to make sure family & friends could attend, so I wonder if a priest would do this on a Saturday afternoon, that would be so great. Well, it’s off in the distance another year and half away…so…plenty of time to plan! I think it would be very special.

Thank you to all who left a reply here…maybe we could do this at 19 yrs, I don’t want to wait! 😃

We never had an official wedding, (long story, family interference, thread for another time) I always thought it would be nice to have something catered, with friends and family on the beach, I don’t know why–looks romantic…but I would tell people no gifts*. It would be about family and friends coming together to celebrate this with us, that’s it.
Click to expand...
Your story reminds me of the most guy I ever knew. He was new in town and showed up at the parish office to inquire about a renewal of vows for his 25th anniversary.

He was not Catholic and was concerned that he would have to jump through hoops and perhaps convert to do this. Once I assured him that it was a very simple thing, just requiring the priest to schedule it, he explained that he and his wife had had to elope due to a nasty family situation, they were married at the convent chapel with only the priest and their witnesses in attendance and he wanted to give his wife a ‘WEDDING’ for their 25th. He and Fr. scheduled it as a surprise.

Near the appointed time he approached his wife while she was grocery shopping and getting down on one knee, handed her 2 dozen roses and asked “Will you marry me?”
Of course she told him to "get off your knees, silly, we’re already married.

On the night of their anniversary they went out and he said he needed to pop by the church for something. When they got there she noticed cars in the yard but didn’t think anything of it until they got in the church. “Honey, look at the setup and the people, someone’s getting married, let’s get out of here.” “Yes, it’s us.” That’s when she realized that the people were all their friends.

They renewed their vows and then he invited all their friends back to the house. She was dying inside since she had nothing at the house for a crowd. When they got there the house was all decorated, there was food for an army and he had arranged it all.
 
:bighanky:
Phemie said:
Your story reminds me of the most guy I ever knew. He was new in town and showed up at the parish office to inquire about a renewal of vows for his 25th anniversary.

He was not Catholic and was concerned that he would have to jump through hoops and perhaps convert to do this. Once I assured him that it was a very simple thing, just requiring the priest to schedule it, he explained that he and his wife had had to elope due to a nasty family situation, they were married at the convent chapel with only the priest and their witnesses in attendance and he wanted to give his wife a ‘WEDDING’ for their 25th. He and Fr. scheduled it as a surprise.

Near the appointed time he approached his wife while she was grocery shopping and getting down on one knee, handed her 2 dozen roses and asked “Will you marry me?”
Of course she told him to "get off your knees, silly, we’re already married.

On the night of their anniversary they went out and he said he needed to pop by the church for something. When they got there she noticed cars in the yard but didn’t think anything of it until they got in the church. “Honey, look at the setup and the people, someone’s getting married, let’s get out of here.” “Yes, it’s us.” That’s when she realized that the people were all their friends.

They renewed their vows and then he invited all their friends back to the house. She was dying inside since she had nothing at the house for a crowd. When they got there the house was all decorated, there was food for an army and he had arranged it all.
Click to expand...
*Oh my gosh, what a beautiful story, thank you Phemie. How wonderful is her husband to do that???

:bighanky: <<<----good cry, not bad cry. *
 
Phemie said:
A renewal of vows is included in the Marriage ritual book so it’s a perfectly Catholic ritual.

My mom & dad renewed their vows at a Mass in their intention for their 25th anniversary and they exchanged new wedding bands: Dad got a ring for the first time since at the time of their wedding it wasn’t customary for men to wear wedding rings & Mom as a replacement for her very thin band which broke after about 15 years of marriage. Afterwards they went out to dinner with another couple who then took them out for ‘drinks’ and straight to a surprise party that had been organized in their honour.

In our Canadian Marriage ritual the formula for the exchange of consent is the same as for the original marriage, although the introduction by the priest makes it clear that the original vows are still ‘in force’ so to speak. From what I’ve read on this website I gather that in the US the formula is different and is clearly a reaffirmation of the original vows.
Click to expand...
I stand corrected, thanks for this info:thumbsup:

WG what you have in mind sounds lovely. Congrats ahead of time on 20 years!!🙂
 
*I didn’t mean to put a thumbs down on that post above. :rotfl: I’m not sure if I pressed the wrong smiley or what? Sorry folks. 😊

and thanks shanny!! :)*
 
whatevergirl said:
:bighanky:

*Oh my gosh, what a beautiful story, thank you Phemie. How wonderful is her husband to do that???

:bighanky: <<<----good cry, not bad cry. *
Click to expand...
Yeah, he’s a pretty special guy (in the correcting of the original post I accidentally erased the ‘romantic’ that I had written to describe him.)

He only told me that the elopement had been due to a ‘family situation’. A few years later his wife told me the full story about her mother from hell who, shortly before it was to happen and without telling her, called off the scheduled wedding, reception, etc and how they had to conspire with their pastor to get married secretly – not secret as defined by the Church but rather “There is no reason for the two of you not to marry so let’s do this on the QT so your mother doesn’t show up and mess it up for you guys. You can tell her after the fact.”
 
*It’s a sweet story, Phemie. We had been planning a beautiful wedding, nothing huge, just something nice…and my sister (who raised me after my parents died) seemed so angry that I wasn’t running every detail by her. She wasn’t paying for the reception. She said, I’ll pay for the photographer, and the cake, but you’re on your own for food–in a very nasty way. I can remember it like it was yesterday. (some memories seem to get more painful over time :() Anyways, as we started putting things together, every dit dot and dash had to be run by her…I said, you’re not paying for this, why do you have the final say? It got ugly.

I eventually told my dh I did not want to go through with the wedding. I was upset, because I am my husband’s first (and only) lol wife too. She took away his wedding, also. So, fast forward to now, my sister loves my husband, we are very close, but it bugs me that I allowed her to come between our plans.

This is why I love weddings, and wedding stories. My dd and I read Bride magazine, and she already knows what cake, flowers, and dress she will be having for her special day. 😃 My dh will say, uh, honey, she’s only 13. Never too early to start planning your wedding, I say! (I know, I sound crazy, it’s ok if you think it.) :p*
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top