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Nick
Guest
How do you repare someones reputation that you damaged through the spreading of a secret, though as far as you know the secret is completely truthful?
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Island_Oak
Guest
Perhaps you could give us just a little more to work with–the context (family, workplace,school, etc.), your relationship to the victim, people to whom you spread the information, etc…the nature of the information…
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Blanka
Guest
You have made a good point in how words can be used to harm someone. I believe there is a Jewish belief that once a word is spoken, it takes on a life so to speak and cannot be extinguished.
In the situation you describe, I would probably do my best to speak well of the person to others. If there is something good that you can praise about the person, then do so. In other words, you can try to help rebuild the person’s reputation. If someone else should comment on the “secret” information and want to discuss it or gossip about it, perhaps you could comment something like “there may be many factors and things we do not know about the person and situation so we should not judge.”
If the person knows you revealed the secret and talks with you about it, ask them what you can do to help.
:tiphat:
In the situation you describe, I would probably do my best to speak well of the person to others. If there is something good that you can praise about the person, then do so. In other words, you can try to help rebuild the person’s reputation. If someone else should comment on the “secret” information and want to discuss it or gossip about it, perhaps you could comment something like “there may be many factors and things we do not know about the person and situation so we should not judge.”
If the person knows you revealed the secret and talks with you about it, ask them what you can do to help.
:tiphat:
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puzzleannie
Guest
the truthfulness of the secret is beside the point (except in a court of law), you are guilty of the sin of detraction if you published the secret, except in the obvious case of reporting sinful or criminal conduct to the appropriate church or civil authority. Even such reporting does not give you license to publish the secret to all and sundry.
This story is attributed to St. Francis, but I don’t really know the original source. A woman confessed the sin of gossip and the priest gave her this penance: take a feather pillow, cut it open, climb up on the roof and scatter the feathers to the wind. The woman did this and went back to the priest, who then told her, to complete the retribution for her sin, to go thorughout the town and gather up all the feathers and put them back in the pillow.
in this case, going back to everyone you talked to will only serve to spread the material in a wider radius. go to confession, be completely honest and follow the penance and guidance of your confessor.
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Saint_Andrew
Guest
Hello
We are all sinners at the end of the day, you realised what you have done, you have to repent to God and ask forgiveness and hope that the person will forgive you. Good idea to go to confession as well.
We learn from our mistakes, even though it can be costly at times.
God Bless you.
Saint Andrew.
We are all sinners at the end of the day, you realised what you have done, you have to repent to God and ask forgiveness and hope that the person will forgive you. Good idea to go to confession as well.
We learn from our mistakes, even though it can be costly at times.
God Bless you.
Saint Andrew.
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Nick
Guest
I have already gone to confession for this sin. I did not publish this secret, I told three people, and I told them not to tell anyone. The secret that I told was about a very grevious sin committed by the wife of a close friend. It was my friend himself who told me about this in the first place. I do not know if she has repented. I now realize that I had no place to tell others about this secret.
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Blanka
Guest
I presumed that you had already gone to confession. That’s why my suggestion that the best thing may be to speak kindly of the person whenever someone mentions them so that at least their name will be mentioned in a good light. You certainly do not have to go back specifically to everyone you told of the secret. But be ready to speak a kind word about the person when you can.
Good luck.
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space_ghost
Guest
Question: If you stole $5 from me… later, felt sorry and went to confession to ask God’s forgiveness… is your confession good enough, or would you think returning the $5 be required…
…just a thought…
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PassthePeace1
Guest
You could put this person at the top of your prayer list, and also petition that God make good out of any harm you have caused. Maybe you could search the web for a novena to a saint that might relate to this perticular sin or you might try Our Lady of Good Success.
Our Lady of Good Success
If that link doesn’t work…
ourladyofgoodsuccess.com/novena-full.html
Pam
Our Lady of Good Success
If that link doesn’t work…
ourladyofgoodsuccess.com/novena-full.html
Pam
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mercygate
Guest
Perhaps you could go to those three people and tell them that when you reported whatever it was you told them, you had a limited view of the matter and that you were completely mistaken.
After all, you did have the limited view that it was OK to spread an evil truth, just because it was true. And you* were* completely mistaken that it was OK to do so. If they understand you to mean that your limited view caused you to think that someone had committed a grave sin when she had not, it would seem to be an acceptable misunderstanding.
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Island_Oak
Guest
You did “publish” the secret–to three people over whom you have no control. If they each told 3 more people after being told not to, and so on, the publication becomes pretty extensive.
Your behaviour has directly injured three people–the woman whom you gossiped about, the friend whose trust and confidence you broke and your own integrity as someone who can keep his word and use discretion with sensitive, private information. Have you confessed this indiscretion to your friend or his wife? If not, an argument exists that part of the reparation you owe them is letting them know that their privacy has been violated.
Since you can’t “un-ring” this bell, perhaps the most productive thing you can do (aside from confession) is examine your own motivation for commiting such a grievous infraction. What prompted you to reveal a confidence which could sully the reputation of a “good friend’s” marriage and his spouse? Perhaps understanding that will prevent you from ever repeating the same mistake in the future.
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springbreeze
Guest
Dear Nick
Initially your friend betrayed his wife by telling you a private matter between himself and his wife, though he was probably seeking solace and advice from you. I am sure his wife would not have wanted you to know of her sin nor anyone else for that matter. We don’t even like to admit to ourselves how wretched we are, so we certainly do not want our sins to become gossip.
You have received absolution and your soul is clean of this sin. We do not always want to hear what we are told, mostly we tell another person information because we want to know what they think about it and usually it does not come from malicious gossip. I am going to presume that this information you had about this woman was to some extent a burden to you and you divulged it to others for their thoughts upon it, even though you promised not to repeat this to anyone else. Stop me here if I am wrong in thinking this.
I can understand you doing that as I have outlined above, but the consequence of it is, as you clearly recognise, the damage to anothers reputation. However you have not told a lie about a person to damage their reputation, you have told the truth, even so this truth will cause others not to view this woman the way they previously did without this knowledge of her.
If we love people as ourselves, we protect them and their reputation even if we see or know their faults and sins as glaringly clear as daylight.
The problem you face realistically is that this couple who are your friends will find out that you have betrayed their confidence and that those you have told will decrease in respect and kindness towards this woman and perhaps her husband by association (though it would be wrong of them to do that).
Personally I would speak to those people you have told and express your regret to them for telling them about this lady, speak well of her and admit your fault. I would then go to your friend humbly and tell your friend that you have broken your word at keeping his secret about his wife, explain why you broke your word and be honest with him, tell him you are sorry, tell him you understand if he doesn’t want your friendship anymore as you know how you have broken his trust and ask him if he can forgive you as you are truly sorry. That is what I would do if I was you. Your friend will appreciate the honesty and whether your friend can forgive you or not (though I pray he will for his soul’s sake) God will be pleased with you.
Moreover please don’t agonise and torture yourself with this my friend, we are all sinners and you have God’s absolution, just learn from this what God is teaching you about love, trust and friendship and mercy to the sinner.
I will keep you and your friends in my prayers
God Bless you and much love and peace to you
Teresa
Initially your friend betrayed his wife by telling you a private matter between himself and his wife, though he was probably seeking solace and advice from you. I am sure his wife would not have wanted you to know of her sin nor anyone else for that matter. We don’t even like to admit to ourselves how wretched we are, so we certainly do not want our sins to become gossip.
You have received absolution and your soul is clean of this sin. We do not always want to hear what we are told, mostly we tell another person information because we want to know what they think about it and usually it does not come from malicious gossip. I am going to presume that this information you had about this woman was to some extent a burden to you and you divulged it to others for their thoughts upon it, even though you promised not to repeat this to anyone else. Stop me here if I am wrong in thinking this.
I can understand you doing that as I have outlined above, but the consequence of it is, as you clearly recognise, the damage to anothers reputation. However you have not told a lie about a person to damage their reputation, you have told the truth, even so this truth will cause others not to view this woman the way they previously did without this knowledge of her.
If we love people as ourselves, we protect them and their reputation even if we see or know their faults and sins as glaringly clear as daylight.
The problem you face realistically is that this couple who are your friends will find out that you have betrayed their confidence and that those you have told will decrease in respect and kindness towards this woman and perhaps her husband by association (though it would be wrong of them to do that).
Personally I would speak to those people you have told and express your regret to them for telling them about this lady, speak well of her and admit your fault. I would then go to your friend humbly and tell your friend that you have broken your word at keeping his secret about his wife, explain why you broke your word and be honest with him, tell him you are sorry, tell him you understand if he doesn’t want your friendship anymore as you know how you have broken his trust and ask him if he can forgive you as you are truly sorry. That is what I would do if I was you. Your friend will appreciate the honesty and whether your friend can forgive you or not (though I pray he will for his soul’s sake) God will be pleased with you.
Moreover please don’t agonise and torture yourself with this my friend, we are all sinners and you have God’s absolution, just learn from this what God is teaching you about love, trust and friendship and mercy to the sinner.
I will keep you and your friends in my prayers
God Bless you and much love and peace to you
Teresa
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Nick
Guest
I have spoken to the three people that I told the secret, and I have asked them to PLEASE not tell anyone else, and also that I had no right to tell them in the first place. So now I have decided to let the matter drop, because I have concluded that I have not caused significant hardship to my friend and his wife by revealing this secret. I think it is just best to leave it alone.
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springbreeze
Guest
Dear Nick
You know your relationships with these people and no-one here can know how the dynamics of those relationships work. Trust your judgement and I wish you and your friendships the peace of Christ Jesus.
God Bless you always friend
Teresa
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Katie1723
Guest
Why did you feel that you had to tell anyone? And how would you feel if this were about you?? Or someone near and dear to you?
We all need to be more careful when the urge to tell a “secret” presents itself…truth or not , it shouldn’t be repeated
~ Kathy ~
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mercygate
Guest
Affirmative. Somehow, I think the world will never need fear that Nick will ever break a confidence again as long as he lives! Godspeed.
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stbruno
Guest
That is why gossip is such a horrible sin! But if you have been forgiven in confession…start to forgive yourself as well. The lesson you have learned is one you should retain for the rest of your life. Don’t repeat it! That will be worthy of all of us if we just remember that! But it is human nature to fall. We can only ask God for help with our loose tongues. Keep close to the sacraments, particularly daily mass, confessin and reception of the Eucharist frequently.
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