Report or not to Report Bad Confession Experience?

[catholictiger]

The priest doesn’t have to defend himself.
If he is doing it, and the OP is not lying, then he needs to stop.
That is really it.
If the priest is not doing it, then he gets to listen to his sweet father, the Bishop, and say yes sir.

ok in that situation what he is doing is bad but in general it is always good to go to the priest first or at-least inform the bishop of the problem you had and that you are going to the bishop. What I fear is that a parishioner will go to the bishop for something that would have been resolved with a simple conversation, than the bishop will talk to the priest and maybe find out that the parishioner didn’t say it exactly correctly or something. Confession is an interesting situation because of the seal. But aways go to the priest first no matter how serious it is. If he priest than doesn’t give you a good answer that is when you go to the bishop.

This is the principle of subsidiarity at work. If there is a problem with the sacraments talk to the priest who is the minister first, he may have had a bad day, maybe he skipped over something, or maybe he is going against Church discipline. But always go to the priest first ALWAYS.

 

[catholictiger]

And to underscore it, the Bishop could send out a letter to all of his priests informing them that this is not allowed.
There are so many ways he can deal with it.

yes but I say again go to the priest first.

what may happen on day is that a priest does something that is allowed in the liturgy, and a parishioner who hasn’t seen it before complains to the bishop. The bishop than calls the priest and he says your parishioner came to me and said this, and the priest will respond well it is allowed in the rubrics for me to do this. It is also possible the bishop may say this to the parishioner, but the simple fact is if the parishioner went to the priest FIRST than it would have been resolved quickly.

It is also common courtesy to tell the priest what you had issue with, many times he can say why he did it or say sorry I did mess up there thank you for pointing this out.

 

[catholictiger]

I don’t want to argue

any time you are going to report a priest for anything, never do it behind his back. Always go to him first than the bishop. (the only exception to this would be something criminal but that is another issue all together)

 

[Hopey]

I generally agree, that in most cases it is best to go directly to the person.
Given the way the OP was treated, and coupling it with my experience of priests who have told me to my face, “You are not the Bishop”, meaning they change when they are corrected by the Bishop, I would go that route.
I would go that route also because it deals with a confession, not trying to go behind someone’s back.

Those are my reasons. I do agree, will not argue. In some circumstances, it may be best to just report it and be done. They do get corrected and the Bishop is the one to do it. It saves the OP from looking up canon law, quoting, etc.

And the OP gets to decide their route to take. At my parish, it was corrected and wasn’t a big deal on my part.

 

[catholictiger]

I generally agree, that in most cases it is best to go directly to the person.
Given the way the OP was treated, and coupling it with my experience of priests who have told me to my face, “You are not the Bishop”, meaning they change when they are corrected by the Bishop, I would go that route.
I would go that route also because it deals with a confession, not trying to go behind someone’s back.

Those are my reasons. I do agree, will not argue. In some circumstances, it may be best to just report it and be done. They do get corrected and the Bishop is the one to do it. It saves the OP from looking up canon law, quoting, etc.

And the OP gets to decide their route to take. At my parish, it was corrected and wasn’t a big deal on my part.

If a priest has a tendency to treat parishioners like you explain than yes go to the priest. I hate that we have some priests who let power go to much to their head and don’t listen to their parishioners and say stuff like “you aren’t my bishop”

 

[Sonny89]

Peace and all Good Casilda!

I have had a very bad experience, considered contacting the bishop, but let it drop because I don’t think anything will happen. Our diocese is running on very few priests. Who am I amongst the thousands in each parish? I am encouraged to write to the bishop, however, because I wish it upon no one else to have to go through what I did.

You’re right. Many diocese are in a similar state vocations wise, so I can understand your thinking along such lines, I’m also not one for making a stir generally & tend to think along lines of “who am I to do this?” Thank God, I’ve never had such an experience where the Priest spoke to me in such a manner but if I did I wouldn’t like to leave it, for exactly the reason you said-I would hate the idea of someone else going through it. Especially if a sensitive person or somebody who was returning to the Church after a prolonged absence, they may be pushed away (agin) decide never to darken the Church doors again

 

[TimothyH]

I don’t see how this is a problem at all.

The penitent entered the confessional asking for pardon and healing. The penitent was absolved by the priest and received pardon and healing from Christ. How is that a problem?

The proper response to “I absolve you of your sins” is “Thanks be to God” and then you leave and let someone else have their turn. The only possible question was “What is my penance?”

Maybe I’m ignorant and someone can explain to me what grave offense the priest has committed that requires getting canon lawyers and bishops involved.

-Tim-

 

[Hopey]

I don’t see how this is a problem at all.

The penitent entered the confessional asking for pardon and healing. The penitent was absolved by the priest and received pardon and healing from Christ. How is that a problem?

The proper response to “I absolve you of your sins” is “Thanks be to God” and then you leave and let someone else have their turn. The only possible question was “What is my penance?”

Maybe I’m ignorant and someone can explain to me what grave offense the priest has committed that requires getting canon lawyers and bishops involved.

-Tim-

You have a right to confess your sins, in entirety, without being restricted. That is the issue I see. The person was not able to really have a confession. The OP said one, priests absolves, and basically said get out.

 

[TimothyH]

You have a right to confess your sins, in entirety, without being restricted. That is the issue I see. The person was not able to really have a confession. The OP said one, priests absolves, and basically said get out.

All right. Fair enough. Are there not other confessors around?

-Tim-

 

[Hopey]

All right. Fair enough. Are there not other confessors around?

-Tim-

I am not knowing.
For mine, there were at surrounding parishes but I also reported because what he was doing was wrong, not just for me, but all who were trying in our parish. And also for those who may have been away from confession for a long time.

 

[zab]

You should always be prepared to give your worst offenses first. Then you won’t have to worry that you forgot or didn’t get around to mentioning something.

Sometimes when priests get older they have issues with aging that could effect their ability to minister. We had one priest that took off walking and ended up in a neighboring town not knowing where he was or how he got there. I recall a couple of elderly priests who were losing their place and forgetting things while celebrating Mass. And we had one elderly priest who (from the bishop) was no longer permitted to hear confessions after people began reporting to the pastor some problems they were having. If you think something needs reporting then talk to your pastor first. If the pastor is the one with the problem, go to your bishop. However, not every bad experience needs attention drawn to it. Pray for your priests.

 

[Sonny89]

Peace and All Good!

Thanks for your post

You should always be prepared to give your worst offenses first. Then you won’t have to worry that you forgot or didn’t get around to mentioning something.
However, not every bad experience needs attention drawn to it. Pray for your priests.

Our Priests do need a lot of prayer! In my experience this can be all too easily forgotten, people can assume that Priests are somehow above the need for prayer for whatever reason (I’m not saying anyone here had forgotten it, just sayin’).

It can also be helpful to “rank” or prioritise sins-I often find that I get flustered or forgetful in confession so I often write them down as well & then just tear up & dispose of the piece of paper afterwards.

I also agree that not every difficulty or problem needs attention to it but the Sacrament of Penance can be hard for some people because for whatever reason they find it taxing or nerve-racking .

Me - Father, I have a question.
Priest - You are not a good listener. (I’m assuming he means that he’s done with me and I should be leaving.)
Me - I remember something else. I receive holy communion after committing this sin because I was unsure if it was a mortal sin or not.
Father - Good bye
Me - But I’m not done.
Father - Boy you don’t listen. I said bye. Now go.

Even though if the penitent honestly forgot something, it’s still absolved as long as it wasn’t deliberately concealed (If I’m mistaken about this I’ll gladly accept correction) there’s nothing wrong with wanting some clarity, particularly if the penitent is concerned it may have been mortal. Maybe the Priest in question is just a blunt person but as the OP said

I don’t think I caught him on a bad day, I seriously think that’s just how he how is. He’s older and from what it sounds like to me, he’s impatient with listening to people’s sins. Or at least that’s how he made me feel yesterday.

There’s no way I can go back to him and talk to him again. He wanted nothing to do with me. Aside from his words, the way he talked to me was really hurtful. I’m scared to go back to him.

All it would have taken was another minute or 2, at most, to say something along the lines of “Don’t worry, that’s not a (mortal) sin” or to give an appropriate response to the issue in question.

As has been said, by me and others, one of the concerns is also the effect on other penitents who may feel equally hurt or even pushed away from Confession or the Church & who may not be able for whatever reason to avoid this Priest in the future if they want or need to Confess in the future

 

[TimothyH]

I am not knowing.
For mine, there were at surrounding parishes but I also reported because what he was doing was wrong, not just for me, but all who were trying in our parish. And also for those who may have been away from confession for a long time.

OK. That makes sense to me. Then something should be done.

You could just say flat to his face, “No Father. You are going to hear my sins and I really don’t care if you like it or not. Now, lets get on with my whole confession. I have sinned in these ways…”

Of course the risk is that he calmly replies, “For your penance I would like you to loose 15 lbs.”

-Tim-

 

[janeway529]

Hi, I had very bad confession experience yesterday and am unsure what to do about it. When I entered the confessional, I was thrown off when the priest started with, “Well” and only gave him 1 sin instead of 2. To make it easier to understand, here’s how it went:

Me - I revealed other’s fault several times last week.
Priest - (Absolves me)
Me - Father, I have a question.
Priest - You are not a good listener. (I’m assuming he means that he’s done with me and I should be leaving.)
Me - I remember something else. I receive holy communion after committing this sin because I was unsure if it was a mortal sin or not.
Father - Good bye
Me - But I’m not done.
Father - Boy you don’t listen. I said bye. Now go.

I left feeling so shocked and sad upon leaving the confessional. It still affects me now thinking about this. My question to you, is this something that should be reported? I just don’t want him to be doing this to others who are on the fence about their Catholic faith because experiencing this could quite possibly change their views. Or is this a battle that I will not win. He’s a new priest to our parish but he’s very old and grumpy.

Reminds me of my pastor, who at a Lenten parish penance service kindly reminded everyone, “This is Confession, not a time for counseling. We only have [so much time], and we want everyone to have a chance to receive the sacrament.”

I’m guessing that since you were already absolved, the priest considered his duty as fulfilled. That you remembered another “sin” and are not sure about it being a sin possibly meant to the priest that you have not properly examined your conscience and it would be a waste of the priests’ time if you suddenly remembered again a third “sin” after he had absolved you a second time. This isn’t a judgement on you, but I’m arm-chair psychologizing/assuming this is the priests’ mentality/point of view based on what you have said. I agree that you should probably take this up with the priest and clear up any bad feelings. At best, this seems like a big misunderstanding to me.

 

[HelenRose]

Hi, I had very bad confession experience yesterday and am unsure what to do about it. When I entered the confessional, I was thrown off when the priest started with, “Well” and only gave him 1 sin instead of 2. To make it easier to understand, here’s how it went:

Me - I revealed other’s fault several times last week.
Priest - (Absolves me)
Me - Father, I have a question.
Priest - You are not a good listener. (I’m assuming he means that he’s done with me and I should be leaving.)
Me - I remember something else. I receive holy communion after committing this sin because I was unsure if it was a mortal sin or not.
Father - Good bye
Me - But I’m not done.
Father - Boy you don’t listen. I said bye. Now go.

I left feeling so shocked and sad upon leaving the confessional. It still affects me now thinking about this. My question to you, is this something that should be reported? I just don’t want him to be doing this to others who are on the fence about their Catholic faith because experiencing this could quite possibly change their views. Or is this a battle that I will not win. He’s a new priest to our parish but he’s very old and grumpy.

Bear in mind that he can not defend himself.