Requesting Advice and Prayers🙏

[TMFLM]

Hello Everyone,
Thank you for your time. I need some advice.
I met my current boyfriend on CatholicMatch. He is absolutely wonderful, a truly Catholic man.

My only complaint was he had just become single after his ex-fiance broke up with him. He said he was over it, but she was all he would talk about and I realized he was rather depressed. I considered ending things but one thing led to the other and I ended up supporting him through this time. He had moved across the country for her and had no one around to support him.

Anyway, fast forward to now, a year later, and he never talks about her and is planning on moving closer to me. As we become more and more serious (he and I talk about marriage all the time and he just introduced me to his family) I have a nagging concern: I want to experience things with my S.O. (e.g. pre-cana instruction, wedding planning, etc.). But every time we even begin to discuss these things he always has some sort of comment about what that task is like. He went through all of these things with his ex and I am really struggling with my emotions. I feel like I’m his do-over and that makes me so unhappy. I know jealousy is a sin but I really just wish I was the first person that he got to experience these things with.

Are there any Catholics out there who have/are dating someone who was previously engaged? What was it like? I’m I being foolish for having these feelings?

I feel so lost right now and I would greatly appreciate both thoughts and prayers.

 

[Annie]

I would suggest discussing this with him and explaining your feelings. The experiences even for him will be different and therefore “new” so it would be kind of him not to keep bringing up his previous particupation.

 

[Dlee]

I would imagine your priest would also have some great advice to help you - and your boyfriend. He may have had this situation before and have some insight. Prayers.

 

[Mtatum1958]

Yes, communicating the feelings you experience when he makes these statements may help him grasp how it affects you. It sounds like he cares very much; this may help him see what’s going on, and he will desire to change it. “When you say xx, I feel yyy.”

The process may be a repeat, but it really should be a new experience because it is with you.

 

[JHFamily]

I almost wonder that, rather than the do-over mentality, that he wishes, instead to form new and different memories with you. I think it would be hard to go to a pre-cana retreat, for example, that was similar to the one he went to with his previous fiance. Maybe try to strike a new course that is different than the norm. Instead of a pre-cana retreat, for example, maybe the two of you can have a private one or one that is for anyone.