Requesting Advice

[COLOS]

Whoops! Rereading this post, it looks like I’m casting your wife in a negative light through my own experiences. Sorry about that. Certainly not my intention. I saw the statement about her feeling guilty and thought I would weigh in with my similar experience.

Peace

 

[Adam14]

Whoops! Rereading this post, it looks like I’m casting your wife in a negative light through my own experiences. Sorry about that. Certainly not my intention. I saw the statement about her feeling guilty and thought I would weigh in with my similar experience.

Peace

No worries…I didn’t take it that way at all. Thanks for your comments!

 

[Adam14]

Did you & your wife join the Lutheran Church together before you got married? Or after? If it was after, in what church did you get married? This is very important to know.

We joined the Lutheran chuch after we got married. We were married in a Baptist church BUILDING, by a Baptist minister AND a Catholic Priest. I’ve spoken to someone from the Catholic church here about this in my initial meeting regarding RCIA. She said since it was our first marriage, and that a priest was there, everything should be fine. She mentioned that the marriage sacrament is the only one the priest doesn’t “do”, but instead “witnesses”.

Thanks for your nice comments!

 

[Daniel_Marsh]

Hi Adam, based on what you are saying she is seeing the Catholic Church as being based on her own works apart from Christ. If this is the case, changing churches will be the biggest mistake of your life. It is better that you both attend the Luthern Church worshipping God, then both go to the Catholic Church and be misable and alineated from God.

In the meantime, you should study what it means to walk in the Spirit and the freedom it brings ( Hebrews 4, I Cor 13, Gal 5, Eph 5:18, book of Acts, Romans 12 ), it is only after you both together have learned to walk in the freedom of the Holy Spirit that such a drastic transition will go right.

 

[COLOS]

No worries…I didn’t take it that way at all. Thanks for your comments!

Thank you. I’m relieved. You are very kind.
:tiphat:

 

[thecoach]

Just a quick background…

I’m currently Lutheran. This September, I will start RCIA, with all intentions of joining the Catholic church. My wife was raised Catholic, but joined the Lutheran church at the same time I did a few years ago.

Recently, I’ve been speaking to my wife about this. One thing we’re both really big on, is going to church TOGETHER. We won’t have it where each of us goes to a different church. My wife is comfortable, and willing to go back the the Catholic church whenever I convert.

I’ve done a lot of “research” on Catholicism lately, and I’m looking forward to RCIA. I do need some advice from folks here though. My wife doesn’t mind going back to the Catholic church, but she has some reservations about a few things.

One of the big issues she has right now is this…She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic. She says that there’s always this guilty feeling that is placed upon you, from the church. For example, if she doesn’t go to confession every week, she gets the impression that she’s a terrible Catholic when she DOES go.

I’m a bit concerned, not because I think it will be this way when I convert, but because I don’t really know how to answer this. She’s been in the church all of her life, and I’ve only recenltly began my journey. So I can’t say…“it won’t be like that…etc”…becaues I really don’t know.

As I said earlier, I feel really good about my conversion, but I want my wife to feel as good about it as I do. I don’t want her to do it just for the sake of us both attending the same church.

Does anyone have any guidance for me with this? I don’t really know what to tell her about her concern, and it worries me. Please pray for us.

Thanks!

My advice?..nah never mind

 

[JonNC]

Hi Adam, based on what you are saying she is seeing the Catholic Church as being based on her own works apart from Christ. If this is the case, changing churches will be the biggest mistake of your life. ** It is better that you both attend the Luthern Church worshipping God, then both go to the Catholic Church and be misable and alineated from God. **
In the meantime, you should study what it means to walk in the Spirit and the freedom it brings ( Hebrews 4, I Cor 13, Gal 5, Eph 5:18, book of Acts, Romans 12 ), it is only after you both together have learned to walk in the freedom of the Holy Spirit that such a drastic transition will go right.

Yeah Adam, don’t do it!!! :crying:

Just kidding. Adam, you and your bride should go where you feel the Holy Spirit is leading you. If it is the Catholic Church, so be it.
I strongly disagree with Daniel - I don’t believe you will be miserable, and certainly not alienated from God.

Jon

 

[Aydan]

I agree with everyone here. I myself am technically a Catholic revert because I was baptized and received first Eucharist but I was not raised in the faith and I never confirmed. In December of 2003 my best friend let me back to the church and I confirmed in 2004. I knew nothing about the faith one of the things that really helped me was a catechism of the Catholic Church written specifically for converts the one I have is by Peter craft its called Catholic Christianity I think this might be helpful to you and your wife if you’re interested let me know and I’ll find a link to it if you would like. Anyway I can totally sympathize with your wife because I felt that same type of guilt myself I used to think I was rejected by God actually. But when I came back into the church and attended confession for the first time all of those burdens were lifted off my shoulders because for the first time in my life I uderstood what God’s grace really means.

 

[AlegreFe]

We joined the Lutheran chuch after we got married. We were married in a Baptist church BUILDING, by a Baptist minister AND a Catholic Priest.

Oh that’s good. The Priest was there.

I’ve spoken to someone from the Catholic church here about this in my initial meeting regarding RCIA. She said since it was our first marriage, and that a priest was there, everything should be fine. She mentioned that the marriage sacrament is the only one the priest doesn’t “do”, but instead "witnesses"

That’s not entirely true. The ministers of the Sacrament of Marriage are the couple, true. But if one is Catholic, whether lapse or not (in this case your wife was a lapse Catholic) and the other is a non-Catholic baptized Christian (you are baptized right?), permission would still be required from her bishop to marry outside of the Catholic Church. There is more to this than meets the eye. And since I don’t know more about your wife’s standing with the Church at the time you got married, I can’t say much more. But since a Catholic priest was there, it seems like things are kosher.

 

[AlegreFe]

Hi Adam, based on what you are saying she is seeing the Catholic Church as being based on her own works apart from Christ. If this is the case, changing churches will be the biggest mistake of your life. It is better that you both attend the Luthern Church worshipping God, then both go to the Catholic Church and be misable and alineated from God.

:nope: I don’t think if you both come home to the Catholic Church that you’ll be alienated from God. She can go to RCIA with you and learn what it means to do good works as the Holy Spirit leads her to do them because they are the works that God created so that we can live in them. She will get it. Just pray for her and have her come with you to RCIA. She will be fine.

 

[AlegreFe]

I agree with everyone here. I myself am technically a Catholic revert because I was baptized and received first Eucharist but I was not raised in the faith and I never confirmed. In December of 2003 my best friend let me back to the church and I confirmed in 2004. I knew nothing about the faith one of the things that really helped me was a catechism of the Catholic Church written specifically for converts the one I have is by Peter craft (it’s Kreeft) its called Catholic Christianity I think this might be helpful to you and your wife if you’re interested let me know and I’ll find a link to it if you would like. Anyway I can totally sympathize with your wife because I felt that same type of guilt myself I used to think I was rejected by God actually. But when I came back into the church and attended confession for the first time all of those burdens were lifted off my shoulders because for the first time in my life I uderstood what God’s grace really means.

I love hearing stories like this of people coming back home. I want my brother & sister to come back home. But all in God’s time.

Oh, btw, it’s Peter Kreeft and here’s a link for the book. It’s always cheaper at Amazon.

 

[Lapell]

Hi Sepharad…

Yes, she was raised in the Catholic church, baptised/confirmed. But we were married by a Catholic priest, so as far as I know, the church doesn’t see the need to convalidate our marriage.

I don’t think she has to be baptised again, since she was already baptised by the Catholic church. I was baptised by the Lutheran church, and from my understanding(and what I’ve been told), there is no need for me to get baptised again either.

Thanks for the comments!

Indeed I once learned that baptism in another Christian Church is valid in Catholic authorities’ view, since it was done “in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” So your understanding is right. Had you been a Mormon, it would not have been accepted as valid, though.

 

[KingAlfred]

“One of the big issues she has right now is this…She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic. She says that there’s always this guilty feeling that is placed upon you, from the church. For example, if she doesn’t go to confession every week, she gets the impression that she’s a terrible Catholic when she DOES go.”

Adam, to be brutally honest with you, yes…this is a major dimension of the traditional Catholic psyche. As a Lutheran, your wife has been taught that one can’t earn his or her salvation. In the Catholic Church, the opposite message is implied. The major ‘good work’ is perfect observance, e.g., perfect adherence to Catholic teaching. No…I’m not a rebel. In fact, I’ve taken the doctrine of ‘good works’ ever farther in my own daily life. I live to imitate Jesus Christ as teacher to the best of my ability. My entire life is one big ‘good work’. I’m just being as honest with you as I can.

 

[ufamtobie]

Just a quick background…

I’m currently Lutheran. This September, I will start RCIA, with all intentions of joining the Catholic church. My wife was raised Catholic, but joined the Lutheran church at the same time I did a few years ago.

Recently, I’ve been speaking to my wife about this. One thing we’re both really big on, is going to church TOGETHER. We won’t have it where each of us goes to a different church. My wife is comfortable, and willing to go back the the Catholic church whenever I convert.

I’ve done a lot of “research” on Catholicism lately, and I’m looking forward to RCIA. I do need some advice from folks here though. My wife doesn’t mind going back to the Catholic church, but she has some reservations about a few things.

One of the big issues she has right now is this…She says the from her experience in the church, there is a constant feeling that regardless of what you do, you’re never good enough or never a good Catholic. She says that there’s always this guilty feeling that is placed upon you, from the church. For example, if she doesn’t go to confession every week, she gets the impression that she’s a terrible Catholic when she DOES go.

I’m a bit concerned, not because I think it will be this way when I convert, but because I don’t really know how to answer this. She’s been in the church all of her life, and I’ve only recenltly began my journey. So I can’t say…“it won’t be like that…etc”…becaues I really don’t know.

As I said earlier, I feel really good about my conversion, but I want my wife to feel as good about it as I do. I don’t want her to do it just for the sake of us both attending the same church.

Does anyone have any guidance for me with this? I don’t really know what to tell her about her concern, and it worries me. Please pray for us.

Thanks!

We are all sinners, if we say we are not sinners then we make God a lier.

(John 8: 7) When they persisted in their questioning, he straightened up and said to them. “LET THE MAN AMONG YOU WHO IS WITHOUT SIN BE THE FIRST TO CAST A STONE AT HER.”

God Bless you on your journey Home to the Catholic Faith

Ufamtobie

 

[Adam14]

Again, thanks to all for your comments. I really think it helps.

I even thank Daniel Marsh, although I don’t agree with what he said, I asked for advice and opinions, and he was only giving his.

Thanks to all and please keep my wife and I in your prayers, as I’ll do the same for you and your family.