Requesting Prayers and Wondering

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GemmasGirl

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So… I am an Aspirant with a cloistered community. As some of you probably know, the formation process recently was expanded to include a 1-2 year Aspirancy in which the person with living at home, making periodic visits inside the community, and preparing to actually enter. I was accepted to the program back in July, and for personal reasons can’t enter until at least October 2020.
I shall begin by saying that I love the sisters deeply and have very little doubt that I am called there. When I am there, I feel extraordinary peace and freedom.
But… I am suddenly very, very miserable at home. My parents are wonderful and supportive, I have a few (though not a ton) of Catholic friends and a splendid parish… But it’s not enough anymore, somehow. I am insanely lonely without the sisters. I’ve always been a very odd duck, before I started discerning. Now I am realizing that my friends who are getting married and starting careers have very little time for me and seem to like putting me on a pedestal because I’m discerning. Plus, there is a very special something in my relationship with the sisters that is different.
Anyhoo… All prayers are coveted as I live the next months… And any suggestions for getting through them with my sanity intact. (Ok,it’s not really that bad… 😉)
 
When we are engaged to be married, there is a longing for our betrothed that is much more than the physical desire. You simply cannot even think of happiness without your beloved, you want to be with them all of the time and you feel their absence deeply.

In the same manner, we Christians long for heaven, to be with our beloved and it is not strange for us to feel that we are strangers in this world.

You are longing for your beloved. It makes sense 🙂
 
It is hard to settle in when you know you will be leaving.

Can you accept this period as a cross and offer up your suffering, your waiting?
 
My daughter, who entered the cloister in September, 2018, in a letter just after the one year mark wrote that she thought the first year would be really hard because of the adjustments, homesickness, etc., but it turned out that her first year in the cloister was much easier than her last year out of it. (She had to wait until she turned 18 and finished her high school course work.) But this time can be very beneficial. Practice great works of charity, particularly in your own home, take more time to pray, etc. I’m sure you get the picture. You’re getting close, even though it seems so far away.
 
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Many thanks for all the support and replies… yes, I know it’s a good sign… That’s the main thing encouraging me at the moment. I’m trying very hard to view this as a time of formation and preparation… Since I’m trying to enter a Passionist monastery, I should hope I would be able to offer up this suffering… Somehow, it’s not as easy in real life as it is philosophically… (Laughs at self)
I’m going to try to get in contact with a couple of active orders in m diocese just to get in relationship with sisters close to home. I’m in regular contact by email with Sister Novice Mistress, but a person a cross the table is different.
I told a friend who was trying valiantly to be sympathetic while not understanding the process that it was sort of like being in a long distance relationship… Periods of joyous ecstasy couched in long stretches of longing.
Again thanks for all the encouragement!
 
I have a couple of questions (which you definitely don’t need to answer here if you’re uncomfortable doing so). Do you have a full time job at the moment? If not, consider adding praying the Divine Office to your daily routine. Does your parish offer Adoration (I am in a rural area so it is not always available)? If you can, try making weekly or daily visits to Jesus! Maybe foster a new devotion! I have recently started praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet in addition to my daily Rosary. Just a few suggestions to use this time to deepen your spiritual life. I’ll be praying for you in your time of discernment.
 
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