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Oren
Guest
Do you think a personal feeling of resistence to a relationship with the opposite sex is a sign of a religious vocation?
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C
Chris_Jacobsen
Guest
No, it’s a sign that one doesn’t have a vocation for marriage.
O
Oren
Guest
Gee, thanks. 
B
Brain
Guest
well, I for example have recurring attractions to women i know, as in a kind of knowlege that i could engage in a sucessful possibly long term relationship with them. However, I dont because i feel that that is not what i shoud be doing.
Perhaps it is just that NOW God deosnt want me to court, or perhaps i am called to single life, or possibly (more and more probably) religous life. Thus discernment is nessessary. Prayer Prayer Prayer. I cannot stress it enough. I havent come to a conclusion yet, but i know that i am nearing at least a major clue/epiphany.
Perhaps it is just that NOW God deosnt want me to court, or perhaps i am called to single life, or possibly (more and more probably) religous life. Thus discernment is nessessary. Prayer Prayer Prayer. I cannot stress it enough. I havent come to a conclusion yet, but i know that i am nearing at least a major clue/epiphany.
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Grace_and_Glory
Guest
On its own, a resistance to romantic relationships isn’t a sign of a religious vocation, because there are too many things that could be causing such resistance. For example, a person might be hesitant to enter a relationship because of past experience in relationships, witnessing their parents’ destructive marriage, being busy with too many other things, or even health problems.
With other things, however, a lack of interest in engaging in a romantic relationship might be one indication, although one’s decision to pursue a religious vocation should not be based solely (or, I would say, primarily) in a lack of interest in relationships.
With other things, however, a lack of interest in engaging in a romantic relationship might be one indication, although one’s decision to pursue a religious vocation should not be based solely (or, I would say, primarily) in a lack of interest in relationships.
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Oren
Guest
Well yes of course, I said A sign not the sign. I know you wouldn’t base your entire decision just on that. But I do think it could be a pretty good sign along with other things, such as attraction to the life itself as a religious, etc. I was just wondering if anyone else thought so. Especially a consistent resistence, not in attraction to the opposite sex, but just in entering into relationships with them.
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Hesychios
Guest
All good replies here.
I guess we have to try and understand why we do not care to have a relationship.
A good argument could be made for a person with a religious vocation having a terribly strong need for a personal relationship. To a man with such feelings it can be a real challenge if one must be a celibate, but not impossible.
Of course the relationship one forms could be an intense devotion to Christ.
I have known a few priests who see their communities as the family, or the parish. All of the parishioners can be seen as the children of a priest.
We should bear in mind that until the last few decades in the USA most parishes had several priests living together at the rectory. In that case reluctance to form relationships would not permit one to live apart, we’d be stuck with strangers the bishop would send to the assignment and personal space would be at a premium.
It is possible that one who cannot see himself in a longstanding close or intimate relationship with any woman would be equally repelled or frustrated by a life in community with it’s lack of privacy, submission to authority and regimention.
In the Eastern churches where celibacy is not mandatory, a resistance to relationships taken by itself would be a puzzle, not a sign. A person desiring to serve a parish could be rejected because unmarried men are considered more suitable for the community life of a cenobite.
Traditionally, some Eastern bishops (especially in the old world) would simply not ordain a seminary graduate until the man found a bride, unless the person has always had a vocation to community life.
I guess we have to try and understand why we do not care to have a relationship.
A good argument could be made for a person with a religious vocation having a terribly strong need for a personal relationship. To a man with such feelings it can be a real challenge if one must be a celibate, but not impossible.
Of course the relationship one forms could be an intense devotion to Christ.
I have known a few priests who see their communities as the family, or the parish. All of the parishioners can be seen as the children of a priest.
We should bear in mind that until the last few decades in the USA most parishes had several priests living together at the rectory. In that case reluctance to form relationships would not permit one to live apart, we’d be stuck with strangers the bishop would send to the assignment and personal space would be at a premium.
It is possible that one who cannot see himself in a longstanding close or intimate relationship with any woman would be equally repelled or frustrated by a life in community with it’s lack of privacy, submission to authority and regimention.
In the Eastern churches where celibacy is not mandatory, a resistance to relationships taken by itself would be a puzzle, not a sign. A person desiring to serve a parish could be rejected because unmarried men are considered more suitable for the community life of a cenobite.
Traditionally, some Eastern bishops (especially in the old world) would simply not ordain a seminary graduate until the man found a bride, unless the person has always had a vocation to community life.
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Ambrose
Guest
Well my two cents is that I have an 18 year old son who’ll be a senior in high school and is quite committed at this point to becoming a Benedictine Priest. He does as far as I know have girls he pals around with at school but he’s never been on a date !
This was a concern to my wife and I but we had a good friend of ours who’s a Franciscan nun point out that maybe God’s protecting him. He really feels he’s been called since about the second grade and we do nothing at all to discourage him but at the same time, we let him know he doesn’t need to make any big life changing decisions now.
He’s going to seminary college next year and can’t wait to get there. My concern is that he thinks the place is heaven on earth and I’ve told him at some point he’ll be very let down by it and it’s bound to get tough in college as it does for anybody. He’s never had a girlfriend as such and he likes hanging around adults much more than he does kids his age b/c he’s said he doesn’t “like some of the things they’re into.”
He seems to relate well to others for the most part and is kind of a loner. Seems like the kind of kid at this point who would fit in well in a monastic community of course as a parent you always wonder if he’ll be happy. But the short answer to your question is that he doesn’t nor has he ever had any relationships with the opposite sex that could even be considered a steady relationship.
What does everyone think ? Your thoughts are appreciated.:tiphat:
This was a concern to my wife and I but we had a good friend of ours who’s a Franciscan nun point out that maybe God’s protecting him. He really feels he’s been called since about the second grade and we do nothing at all to discourage him but at the same time, we let him know he doesn’t need to make any big life changing decisions now.
He’s going to seminary college next year and can’t wait to get there. My concern is that he thinks the place is heaven on earth and I’ve told him at some point he’ll be very let down by it and it’s bound to get tough in college as it does for anybody. He’s never had a girlfriend as such and he likes hanging around adults much more than he does kids his age b/c he’s said he doesn’t “like some of the things they’re into.”
He seems to relate well to others for the most part and is kind of a loner. Seems like the kind of kid at this point who would fit in well in a monastic community of course as a parent you always wonder if he’ll be happy. But the short answer to your question is that he doesn’t nor has he ever had any relationships with the opposite sex that could even be considered a steady relationship.
What does everyone think ? Your thoughts are appreciated.:tiphat:
M
marke
Guest
Dear Ambrose,
What seminary will your son be attending next year ? And has he had contact with a Benedictine Community ?
Pax,
Br. Mark, OSB
What seminary will your son be attending next year ? And has he had contact with a Benedictine Community ?
Pax,
Br. Mark, OSB
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Ambrose
Guest
Hi Br. Mark !
My son will be attending Conception Seminary College in Conception Mo. Our family has gotten to know many of the monks up there, Abbot Gregory, Fr’s. Albert, Kenneth, Benedict (of course) Regis, and several others. We love going up there, in fact I’ll be there with my son the first week of Aug, for a quiet time retreat.
We think he has a chance to really thrive at Conception, I suppose I’m expressing here some of the concerns any parent would have about his kids future. He and our family love the Benedictine way of life. although my wife has been showing Franciscan tendencies lately !?!
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Oren
Guest
Yes, I’m planning on visiting a monastary of Cisterians (benedictine rule) as soon as I can get up there. if I was going to enter the monastary it would be Benedictine (at least in the rule, i’m not sure of the difference between benedictines and cisterians etc).
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PCR99
Guest
Dear Ambrose,
I would not worry about your son not having had a relationship. I never dated in high school - not one date. I am now happily married, but did not get married until age 31. It was hard to meet a man with the qualities I desired.
My husband actually attended seminary for a short while before we met. He reluctantly left the seminary because he realized that he was not being called to the religious life. It was very hard for him to leave as he loved it there and wanted to stay. His experience there is what helped me to fall in love with him and we have many close priest friends from there that we just adore.
I think your son will figure out what is best for him in due time. I have not been blessed with any children, expect for my two babies in heaven, but if I ever had a son, I would be very pleased to have him attend seminary.
PCR
I would not worry about your son not having had a relationship. I never dated in high school - not one date. I am now happily married, but did not get married until age 31. It was hard to meet a man with the qualities I desired.
My husband actually attended seminary for a short while before we met. He reluctantly left the seminary because he realized that he was not being called to the religious life. It was very hard for him to leave as he loved it there and wanted to stay. His experience there is what helped me to fall in love with him and we have many close priest friends from there that we just adore.
I think your son will figure out what is best for him in due time. I have not been blessed with any children, expect for my two babies in heaven, but if I ever had a son, I would be very pleased to have him attend seminary.
PCR
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Sgt_Sweaters
Guest
God uses sundry means to reveal our vocations. Hard-wiring is one of them.
It took me years to realize that my aversion to romantic relationships and subsequent failure in them was a sign from God. I figured that since I was attracted to girls, then I should therefore date them and ultimately marry one.
Not so.
So now I’m assured that I’m to be single. Now what’s left is, am I to be religious?
God bless.
+Joel
It took me years to realize that my aversion to romantic relationships and subsequent failure in them was a sign from God. I figured that since I was attracted to girls, then I should therefore date them and ultimately marry one.
Not so.
So now I’m assured that I’m to be single. Now what’s left is, am I to be religious?
God bless.
+Joel
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FrmrTrad
Guest
I firmly believe that what you describe is a strong sign that a vocation to religious life should be seriously explored. Perhaps a reluctance to “a relationship” is explained by bad experiences in the past, but why couldn’t even that be God’s way of showing you that more workers are needed for the vineyard? Anyway, the way you put it seems more generalized: reluctance to commit to a relationship would point more towards some particular anxiety, like ‘my parents were troubled so I’m not sure what I want here’. But to feel that you like girls (e.g.) yet aren’t really drawn to spend a lot of time cultivating relationships sounds absolutely to me like a vocation. Definitely talk to several priests about vocational matters. I feel cheated, myself. Throughout my whole life I have liked girls and not boys: I am definitely heterosexual. But I have always been averse to the time-consuming trivialities necessary to develop “a relationship”. I had no idea that Catholicism was even worth considering until my mid-30s. I am quite sure that I have the temperament and outlook of a monk or priest. But now I’m fast approaching the age at which it is almost too late for a vocation. It isn’t my fault but it’s a missed vocation, because I simply didn’t know that there was a true faith until too late in life. But it explains everything. I bond easily with people, but have always felt averse to “the relationship”. Now I know I’m not wierd! I’m a would-be monk.
Anyway look into it. People are quick to cast doubt on religious life. This modern time is awful that way.
M
marke
Guest
Dear Ambrose,
Conception is a wonderful place !!! I used to live in St. Joseph, MO and as a young person attended Immaculate Conception Church, which merged with another church and was renamed Mary Queen of the Apostles and is now no longer a church but is I believe, a museum.
Has your son been through any kind of discernment or formation program thus far ?
The reason I ask is: just because one is enrolled to attend Conception Seminary College does not mean one is entering the religious community. Not everyone that attends the college are going to become members of the order or become ordained priests.
One of the vows that we take as members of the order is one of stability. Meaning that one for the most part stays put where one becomes a member. The decision to become a priest usually is not made until a person has become a member of the community and has become a Novice. As my old Novice master told my group many years ago “One does not become a monk to become a priest, but to become a monk”. I would suggest that you and your son read Chapter sixty -two of St Benedict’s Rule.
I would suggest that your son obtain the following books for his library: 1) Benedictine Daily Prayer: A short Breviary; 2) Letters to my Brothers and Sisters: Living by the Rule. 3) RB 1980: The Rule of St Benedict. These books are available from Liturgical Press / St John Abbey - Collegeville, Mn.
And I guess my last thing I believe would be important to discern is where does your son see himself within the Catholic Church ? For example does he feel more comfortable with individuals who are, for lack of better words “liberal” or “conservative”. The Benedictine Order has been and continues to be active in the Liturgical Reform Movement since the 1940’s. So if your son is of a conservative bent, it would perhaps be a better fit if he would seek membership into one of the “new” religious orders which are more conservative, such as the Franciscans of the Renewal.
As to the original question that was posted, “Does resistence to relationships a sign of a religious vocation?” I would say, NO , because one who is a member of a religious community is involved in relationships, relationships with his fellow religious as well as those who come to the monastery. Even if one is a hermit, he is not completely alone because he is dependent on the greater christian community.
In the Love of Christ,
Br. Mark, OSB
Conception is a wonderful place !!! I used to live in St. Joseph, MO and as a young person attended Immaculate Conception Church, which merged with another church and was renamed Mary Queen of the Apostles and is now no longer a church but is I believe, a museum.
Has your son been through any kind of discernment or formation program thus far ?
The reason I ask is: just because one is enrolled to attend Conception Seminary College does not mean one is entering the religious community. Not everyone that attends the college are going to become members of the order or become ordained priests.
One of the vows that we take as members of the order is one of stability. Meaning that one for the most part stays put where one becomes a member. The decision to become a priest usually is not made until a person has become a member of the community and has become a Novice. As my old Novice master told my group many years ago “One does not become a monk to become a priest, but to become a monk”. I would suggest that you and your son read Chapter sixty -two of St Benedict’s Rule.
I would suggest that your son obtain the following books for his library: 1) Benedictine Daily Prayer: A short Breviary; 2) Letters to my Brothers and Sisters: Living by the Rule. 3) RB 1980: The Rule of St Benedict. These books are available from Liturgical Press / St John Abbey - Collegeville, Mn.
And I guess my last thing I believe would be important to discern is where does your son see himself within the Catholic Church ? For example does he feel more comfortable with individuals who are, for lack of better words “liberal” or “conservative”. The Benedictine Order has been and continues to be active in the Liturgical Reform Movement since the 1940’s. So if your son is of a conservative bent, it would perhaps be a better fit if he would seek membership into one of the “new” religious orders which are more conservative, such as the Franciscans of the Renewal.
As to the original question that was posted, “Does resistence to relationships a sign of a religious vocation?” I would say, NO , because one who is a member of a religious community is involved in relationships, relationships with his fellow religious as well as those who come to the monastery. Even if one is a hermit, he is not completely alone because he is dependent on the greater christian community.
In the Love of Christ,
Br. Mark, OSB
B
Brain
Guest
Yes, but i think what he (or a least I) was referring to was a dsinterest in Romantic relationships. Obviously that cannot be the only sign, but I feel that it at least one. A disinterest in a romantic relationship (despite atraction otherwise) could at least rule out marriage (at least for the time being).
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Ambrose
Guest
Hi Brother Mark !
Thank you for your thoughtful answer, it is appreciated. My son has been to several discernment weekends and programs sponsored by the diocese. Basiclly I’d say he fell in love with Conception Abbey after a few family visits. He already has read the rule of St. Benedict and actually thought about taking a break from his studies and entering the postulantcy there. Abbot Gregory let him know he wasn’t of age and that he should start his educuation first, then after a couple of years if he wants to, he may enter the community. It’s as if the his discernment is over, in his mind this is what he wants.
I was also intrigued by your comments about ‘liberal and conservative.’ I suppose what comes to mind there is that we his parents are pretty orthodox in the practice of our faith and would even consider ourselves conservative. We have noticed monks who seem on both sides at the Abbey but we are encouraged by our local Bishop who is a wonderful guy and will make sure in terms of the education, the line is towed at the college. Along with that he has gotten close to the Abbot and has appointed him to be diocesan representative for interreligious affairs. In short I think enough of our Bishop that if he’s OK with the goings on at the seminary college (and it did at one point have a liberal reputation) then - I’m OK.
Please continue to pray for him. I’ve told him on more than one occasion that he won’t be a Priest on his terms but on ‘their’ terms and he may not like everything along the way. He seems to think the discernment is over, I tend to think it may just be beginning.
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