Resources/advice for control issues

[MegShmeg]

Hello all,

I’m not going to post a long, drawn-out explanation, because my eyes have been opened to the problems in my 3-yr relationship. A marriage is planned 6 months away and things are hitting the fan.

My other half has control issues. I am the opposite personality – I am very passive. Seems like his control issues began with slightly OCD type tendencies in his daily life, just certain ways things must be done, schedules, having control over things. He’s not abusive but the pattern of control is here, and I need to help him see it and help him to get help.

Any resources online, good books, that were enlightening to anyone who is/was a control ‘freak’ (sorry ) or has had a relationship with one?

I do of course appreciate any general words of advice or thoughts…

God bless.

 

[LSK]

Aren’t you blessed that you are willing to deal with this BEFORE you receive the Sacrament of Marriage.

Do you have a good relationship with your priest? Could you ask your intended to go with you to speak with the priest about these issues?

 

[MegShmeg]

I do feel very blessed. I have been shutting down from him lately, but our vocation to one another is very strong. I am going to help guide him into help and hope it goes well from there. I realize he needs to be open and not stubborn or prideful in this, but he needs to realize it!

We actually have a Catholic therapist that we both have gone to for about a year when things in my family got terrible, but not in the past 6 months. He is wonderful, and we both feel very comfortable with him. I am recommending that he goes to see him alone to try to get some help with this.

 

[Cupofkindness]

I would really recommend that you see the therapist as a couple, since this is clearly an issue that affects you and your relationship.

 

[TallyCatholic]

First let me say congradulations on coming to the Church (as I see from your little ticker in your signiature).

Have you talked to your fiance at all about your concerns? I would think that is first and foremost. You need to establish this type of uninhibited communication as soon as possible because you need to be able to feel that you can tell your husband anything.

And then see what he has to say, see if he has some very logical explanations for the way he has been acting. Some of these things you address might just be misunderstandings (meaning he might feel that he has to control things because he thinks you don’t want to, etc.).

Again none of us know the situation like you do, so you are the only one to truely judge this. But I am extremely OCD (not the real disorder) and love to control everything like the budget, house chores, things like that. My wife doesn’t mind because she doesn’t want to do them. But when she feels that I am being too controling or stubborn she speaks up, because she knows she can tell me anything, and then I realize that I am trying to control too much.

YOu know a lot of problems us guys have is control. Not just with cleaning, and money, etc. but with God too. We have problems letting God just have our heart and give up everything we THINK should happen for God’s will. So maybe this is just a manifistation of this.

I really struggle with giving up control to God. I try to keep everything within my box so I can control it, but I realize every day that He is the one who has control. And once you realize that, things are a little bit easier to understand.

I hope that helps.