Resources for resolving workplace personalities

[on_the_hill]

Does anyone know of any good resources for resolving workplace conflicts / personalities between women?

I really don’t want this to come across as sexist.

I can manage conflicts between the guys. I can manage conflicts between a man and a woman. I am clueless as to how to approach conflict between women.

With the guys, I can say simply, “get your act together, you knuckleheads.”
With a man/woman, I can talk to either one of them and say, "It would be really helpful and a favor to me if you’d do the right thing here . . . "
But when there’s conflict between the women, it seems to run pretty deep into personality conflict.

And it could very well be that this is not a manageable situation. One of the women involved has been described more than once as being a “toxic” personality.

important: I am in a unique managerial role in that although I manage a small office (12 people) that is part of a large organization (a couple thousand), there’s not really an HR specialist that I can go to. All of those responsibilities are left to me.

So if anyone knows of any good online resources or how-to books I can read, I’d appreciate it.

 

[YourNameHere]

I think the age we live in is on that is confrontational, whether it be between two women, two men, or some combination of both men and women.
One person I deal with on a regular basis seems to like to mock my spirituality. “You call yourself a Christian, but…”
I am trying to pray for this person.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

First of all, forget they’re women and just focus on them as employees.

Second, if one of them is a “toxic” personality, with presumably a history of causing problems wherever she goes, is there some way you can remove her from your team? Send her for training, terminate her, internally transfer her, etc? It seems a bit unfair to just expect your employees, male or female, to put up with a toxic co-worker.

 

[on_the_hill]

First of all, forget they’re women and just focus on them as employees.

I’ll try to keep in mind.

Second, if one of them is a “toxic” personality, with presumably a history of causing problems wherever she goes, is there some way you can remove her from your team? Send her for training, terminate her, internally transfer her, etc? It seems a bit unfair to just expect your employees, male or female, to put up with a toxic co-worker.

Another aspect is that the toxic one gives 100% all the time and is very good at her job.

But…I’m seeing this from another perspective–literally at this moment. I can’t change her, but maybe I can get the others to keep her in perspective.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

OK, so the toxic lady is a good employee and you want to keep her. Is there some way she can either do her job totally apart from the team, or be trained in how to get along better with the team?

Her 100 percent dedication to her work sounds like it’s her main priority. The other people may have different priorities. She also may simply be one of these people who’s very good at a task but has bad people skills. I saw that with a lot of very smart engineers and scientific experts - basically they didn’t like people and they especially didn’t like anybody who wasn’t as smart as themselves, and they were not interested in training anyone, dealing with anyone’s mistakes, being inclusive to those who were learning, or having patience with them.

 

[on_the_hill]

OK, so the toxic lady is a good employee and you want to keep her. Is there some way she can either do her job totally apart from the team, or be trained in how to get along better with the team?

Her 100 percent dedication to her work sounds like it’s her main priority. The other people may have different priorities. She also may simply be one of these people who’s very good at a task but has bad people skills. I saw that with a lot of very smart engineers and scientific experts - basically they didn’t like people and they especially didn’t like anybody who wasn’t as smart as themselves, and they were not interested in training anyone, dealing with anyone’s mistakes, being inclusive to those who were learning, or having patience with them.

Seems like she should’ve been an engineer.
And before anyone complains, I married into a family of engineers (including my wife). They have two pastimes: arguing with each other over “bad” decisions and cheating at cards.

More seriously, she can’t really be separated by job function. She’s the office manager, and has to interact with people. But it’s a thought worth considering creatively.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

A toxic manager is bad news. It sounds like she got promoted in accordance with the famous Peter principle. . If she’s such an awesome worker, I’d find a way to promote her again or offer her a great position in a different arena. Then let somebody who can deal with your average humdrum office workers take over leading them.

 

[esieffe]

I was in retail management for years, and I was an IT supervisor / trainer in corporate America. Two ladies locked in fierce battle is not for the tame. I hope that does not sound sexist, but it is true.

It goes without saying first of all, this should be a constant addition to your rosary intentions. That is what will fix this… but in the meantime you have to do your due diligence, as it is part of our daily obligation.

With that out of the way, the best thing you can hope for in the short term is armistice, the kind there is between North and South Korea. I would do a two person, NOT just yourself, a two person one on one meeting with each of the two ladies.

Be frank and tell each one separately, they can dislike each other till the end of time, but they are expected to maintain proper business decorum and communication if they want their careers to stay out of decline. I would use these words.

No amount of hand holding, appeasement, olive branch efforts is going to help. They are adults, and the office cannot host an ongoing long term conflict and not suffer. That’s it, the end.

That, and pray.
Pax!
-e

 

[1ke]

I suggest you read two books:

Discipline Without Punishmnent to set up your own positive performance and step based corrective action system.

Crucial Conversations for how to have difficult conversations including performance discussions. Crucial Accountability is also good if you have staff that don’t meet expectations and deadlines, or peers that don’t.

All available on Amazon.

 

[edward_george1]

If there’s one thing that almost three decades on a hot air balloon crew taught me, it’s better to have no help than bad help. When you show up at a balloon rally, sometimes well-meaning organisers will supply you with a few volunteers to act as crew. The problem is, crewing a balloon requires a lot of practice with the particular pilot, what they prefer and what they’re comfortable with. There’s a lot of safety considerations as well. Adding in inexperienced people just creates another layer of difficulty. So very often, a crew would rather work around being shorthanded than have to deal with additional people who might cause a problem.

I’d rather have a team full of good people who get along well who give 75% than a team of divas who give 100%. Work rate and effort can be coached up. Personality rarely can.

-Fr ACEGC

 

[Mtatum1958]

Crucial Conversations for how to have difficult conversations including performance discussions.

I will second this. It helped me to see that a “toxic” person, no matter how good or important their function might seem, can have very detrimental effects on the group, department, or workplace.

 

[1ke]

Another aspect is that the toxic one gives 100% all the time and is very good at her job.

But…I’m seeing this from another perspective–literally at this moment. I can’t change her, but maybe I can get the others to keep her in perspective.

I agree this isn’t really a man or woman issue.

But I will tell you that a toxic employee who is a good producer is still a toxic employee and you CAN expect her to behave appropriately or move on. It’s bad for the team to allow her to run amok in the name of her being a good performer.

Use the combo of books I’ve suggested. Discipline Without Punishment goes into discipline in three areas: performance, behavior, and attendance. Crucial Conversations gives you a framework to hold the conversation and keep it from turning bad.

Lastly, I’ll give you my 5 second management course: all behaviors and workplace performance problems boil down to one of three things— can’t, won’t, or don’t know how. You can only fix the third one. Diagnose whether she can’t, won’t, or doesn’t know how to behave. If she doesn’t know how— get her some training and mentoring. If it’s one of the other two: bu-bye.

 

[HopkinsReb]

If there’s one thing that almost three decades on a hot air balloon crew taught me, it’s better to have no help than bad help. When you show up at a balloon rally, sometimes well-meaning organisers will supply you with a few volunteers to act as crew. The problem is, crewing a balloon requires a lot of practice with the particular pilot, what they prefer and what they’re comfortable with. There’s a lot of safety considerations as well. Adding in inexperienced people just creates another layer of difficulty. So very often, a crew would rather work around being shorthanded than have to deal with additional people who might cause a problem.

I’d rather have a team full of good people who get along well who give 75% than a team of divas who give 100%. Work rate and effort can be coached up. Personality rarely can.

-Fr ACEGC

Well, an explanation from a priest of running a hot air balloon at a balloon rally was not on my list of expected readings for today.

 

[edward_george1]

That’s among the tamer things I think about most days.

 

[on_the_hill]

Thanks for all the replies, everyone. I won’t be able to respond to all of them–but I am reading them.