J
juan_math_geek
Guest
There’s this girl.
I met her about a month ago, when one day she invited me after Mass to join a prayer group community she “shepherds” in this new parish church where I am now going.
As we got to know each other better, we realized that we both had a lot to share in deep, spiritual matters. She is for me a unique friend - I have never been able to share in as deep a way as with her (except to my spiritual directors) and to converse casually about matters which are the-most-important-things - about prayer, about apostolate, and serving God and the church, etc.
Back in the first week of November, we prayed the rosary together everyday for plenary indulgences to offer to the poor souls in purgatory - that was actually our first date and the occasion for our first long conversation, after praying.
It turns out I had more experience in “shepherding” with another group in my past, and so we would have one-on-one meetings where we would plan things out for the apostolate in the prayer group and then together engage in these initiatives, etc.
Now, in a more recent conversation I learned that, in fact, she has already taken private vows (celibacy, poverty, obedience) which are temporary (3 years only). This is because she is discerning a vocation, perhaps to the religious life or consecrated virginity or celibacy as a lay faithful. She said that it is not clear to her whether she will renew these vows afterwards, but that she doesn’t see herself getting married.
I had begun to cherish her company but when she told me this I had to swallow hard cause it kind of… saddened me to hear that perhaps we don’t have a future together after all. Things could change, but I don’t like to hope uselessly. Anyway, it was actually something I did pray about even before she told me her vows - I told Jesus once, speaking with Him about my friend, that actually, He does deserve her more than I do…
Should I stop seeing her then? I don’t want to be a kind of stumbling block in her path of discernment. Obviously I don’t think I could date her romantically - this is clear - within the period of her temporary vows.
The clincher is this: I also underwent a very long discernment period of temporary apostolic lay celibacy (spent my entire college life with it), which in the end didn’t work out for me. I know that I continue to be called to do apostolate and to serve others, perhaps in married life. She would have been my ideal partner… but I think I understand her situation very much.
I am ready to remain just a friend to her… even though I do have this desire to actively seek to have a meaningful Christian partnership more than just friends. So I will be tuning out this desire, I guess… (your prayers are welcome).
I met her about a month ago, when one day she invited me after Mass to join a prayer group community she “shepherds” in this new parish church where I am now going.
As we got to know each other better, we realized that we both had a lot to share in deep, spiritual matters. She is for me a unique friend - I have never been able to share in as deep a way as with her (except to my spiritual directors) and to converse casually about matters which are the-most-important-things - about prayer, about apostolate, and serving God and the church, etc.
Back in the first week of November, we prayed the rosary together everyday for plenary indulgences to offer to the poor souls in purgatory - that was actually our first date and the occasion for our first long conversation, after praying.
It turns out I had more experience in “shepherding” with another group in my past, and so we would have one-on-one meetings where we would plan things out for the apostolate in the prayer group and then together engage in these initiatives, etc.
Now, in a more recent conversation I learned that, in fact, she has already taken private vows (celibacy, poverty, obedience) which are temporary (3 years only). This is because she is discerning a vocation, perhaps to the religious life or consecrated virginity or celibacy as a lay faithful. She said that it is not clear to her whether she will renew these vows afterwards, but that she doesn’t see herself getting married.
I had begun to cherish her company but when she told me this I had to swallow hard cause it kind of… saddened me to hear that perhaps we don’t have a future together after all. Things could change, but I don’t like to hope uselessly. Anyway, it was actually something I did pray about even before she told me her vows - I told Jesus once, speaking with Him about my friend, that actually, He does deserve her more than I do…
Should I stop seeing her then? I don’t want to be a kind of stumbling block in her path of discernment. Obviously I don’t think I could date her romantically - this is clear - within the period of her temporary vows.
The clincher is this: I also underwent a very long discernment period of temporary apostolic lay celibacy (spent my entire college life with it), which in the end didn’t work out for me. I know that I continue to be called to do apostolate and to serve others, perhaps in married life. She would have been my ideal partner… but I think I understand her situation very much.
I am ready to remain just a friend to her… even though I do have this desire to actively seek to have a meaningful Christian partnership more than just friends. So I will be tuning out this desire, I guess… (your prayers are welcome).