Responsibility as a son after marriage?

[rainereli_rod]

Hi, my brothers and sister in Christ.

I put this thread asking the advising and guidance on this question. What is going my responsibility as a son or dougther when i get marriage ? , I know the Bible says that husband and wife have to leave the home and become one. But i have so many doubts.

For example:

What is my mother is a single one ? Will she have to accept that she will be alone his lasts days? What I am very far away [another country] with my family ?

What is my mother doesn’t have insurance or any financial support ? Do I my wife have to accept that i share part of the family money to support my mother or father ?

What is my wife mother doesn’t have financial support ? It is going to be my responsibility as a Husband take care of my wife’s mother (i’m not saying it a bad thing) , because i’m clear that my wife probably have to pause his career to take care of the children while they grow ?

What is my mother or father gets sick ? Would i have to took them to my home ?

Would i have to work until i can provide to parents financial stability and a home, before looking to establish a family ? What if i have a young sister and i the only support on the family ?

How i personally as son should have to deal with this situations ?. I know what the bible says but i’m sure i should keep some degree of responsibility towards my parents welfare (in my case my mother) especially if she is a single one and the she has going through so much sacrifice to rise me.

I love my parents but should i wait so much or get lots of money before being able to have my own family ?

I would like to know the teaching and vision of the Catholic Church and your opinions my brother and sister, in this matter.

Thank you.

 

[HopefulWife2012]

I would say that is something you should discuss with your future wife, before you get married. My husband and I have yet to discuss this, and I do find my self getting a little upset with him when I’ve been asking for his help for a long time to fix something and I get nothing, but if his mother calls he drops everything for her. I’m glad he is so willing to help his family, but I feel like he forgets about the family he started

Definetly something to talk about beforehand. You should set bounderies, discuss how much your new family is willing to sacrifice in order to help out either spouse’s parents.

 

[Xantippe]

Hi, my brothers and sister in Christ.

I put this thread asking the advising and guidance on this question. What is going my responsibility as a son or dougther when i get marriage ? , I know the Bible says that husband and wife have to leave the home and become one. But i have so many doubts.

For example:

What is my mother is a single one ? Will she have to accept that she will be alone his lasts days? What I am very far away [another country] with my family ?

What is my mother doesn’t have insurance or any financial support ? Do I my wife have to accept that i share part of the family money to support my mother or father ?

What is my wife mother doesn’t have financial support ? It is going to be my responsibility as a Husband take care of my wife’s mother (i’m not saying it a bad thing) , because i’m clear that my wife probably have to pause his career to take care of the children while they grow ?

What is my mother or father gets sick ? Would i have to took them to my home ?

Would i have to work until i can provide to parents financial stability and a home, before looking to establish a family ? What if i have a young sister and i the only support on the family ?

How i personally as son should have to deal with this situations ?. I know what the bible says but i’m sure i should keep some degree of responsibility towards my parents welfare (in my case my mother) especially if she is a single one and the she has going through so much sacrifice to rise me.

I love my parents but should i wait so much or get lots of money before being able to have my own family ?

I would like to know the teaching and vision of the Catholic Church and your opinions my brother and sister, in this matter.

Thank you.

How old are you?

Also, what are the cultural expectations in your area? What did your parents do for their parents? Does your mother have some means of support? And is there some sort of pension system in your area? Would it be safe for relatives to live alone? Is it possible to set up a multigenerational household where there’s appropriate privacy?

In the US, we sometimes use the term “mother-in-law apartment” for an apartment that is part of a larger home but where there’s a lot of privacy and independence for both the mother-in-law and the young family, but at the same time it’s safer and more convenient than living completely separately. I do not know how it is in your area, but in the US, I would give the advice–DO NOT MAKE TWO ADULT WOMEN SHARE A KITCHEN FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME UNLESS BOTH OF THEM ARE CANONIZABLE SAINTS.

Without more information, I would say that 1) you need to figure out a lot of stuff with your future wife 2) there might be some need for delay, but not indefinite delay (after all, if you sacrifice everything for your mother and sister, who will sacrifice for YOU when you are old if you never get to have a family?) 3) Your older relatives should work while they are able-bodied 4) Your sister should work, too, once she reaches an appropriate age

There is no single answer, because there are so many differences in circumstances.

Also, you can ask advice from your parish priest, who will have a good sense of what is normal in your area.

Good luck!

 

[rainereli_rod]

I would say that is something you should discuss with your future wife, before you get married. My husband and I have yet to discuss this, and I do find my self getting a little upset with him when I’ve been asking for his help for a long time to fix something and I get nothing, but if his mother calls he drops everything for her. I’m glad he is so willing to help his family, but I feel like he forgets about the family he started

Definetly something to talk about beforehand. You should set bounderies, discuss how much your new family is willing to sacrifice in order to help out either spouse’s parents.

Thank sister for your situation , i’ll pray for you and you family so you go through.

I’ll now lots of cases like the one that i post and i wouldn’t want to cause pain to my wife due to my behavior with my parents. I would like to have things sorted out , even before thing about to establish a family

 

[rainereli_rod]

How old are you?

27

Also, what are the cultural expectations in your area?

I live in Latin America , normally the lowest classes where i live, the parents live on the husband family house. I’m sure that is some root of problems.

What did your parents do for their parents?

What can i say ? My single mother, Work very hard to educate me on my faith , and work hard to provide me an education. Which allowed me to have a decent job now. And take care of all my family needs

Does your mother have some means of support?

She doesn’t work any more. So i think no.

And is there some sort of pension system in your area?

The socialist basic stuff, health mostly , trust me isn’t never enough.

Would it be safe for relatives to live alone?

Yes right now , i’m not sure on a short future.

Is it possible to set up a multigenerational household where there’s appropriate privacy?

No, i’m renting and putting part of my money to the bought and construction of a house.

In the US, we sometimes use the term “mother-in-law apartment” for an apartment that is part of a larger home but where there’s a lot of privacy and independence for both the mother-in-law and the young family, but at the same time it’s safer and more convenient than living completely separately.

Seems a good idea , but i’m not sure if is applicable

I do not know how it is in your area, but in the US, I would give the advice–DO NOT MAKE TWO ADULT WOMEN SHARE A KITCHEN FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME UNLESS BOTH OF THEM ARE CANONIZABLE SAINTS.

hahaha yes i totally aware of that

Without more information

I would say that 1) you need to figure out a lot of stuff with your future wife

Yes i’m aware of that. I sometimes wished the things were a little more simpler.

1. there might be some need for delay, but not indefinite delay (after all, if you sacrifice everything for your mother and sister, who will sacrifice for YOU when you are old if you never get to have a family?)

Yes , i have delayed things and i’ll do it until God’s will considered necessary. But do you realize that this a very hard thing to do , especially with all the social pressure that the young people have this days ? “God have mercy of the youth” . As a youth faithful Catholic the only thing that gives me strength if God body in the eucharist. But what about my brothers and sister when they can’t even date someone to until they have figure all those things. Oh my brother is a hard thing to do specially when the society and our own bodies and mind betray us.

1. Your older relatives should work while they are able-bodied

They don’t work any more , is hard to find jobs when you chose the wrong career for the country specially when you are old. Maybe abroad.

1. Your sister should work, too, once she reaches an appropriate age

Yep i think so , i’m counting on that , but first i need to provide education food and shelter
Maybe in 5 years. But if they get married they’ll have to stop working for a while

There is no single answer, because there are so many differences in circumstances.

Also, you can ask advice from your parish priest, who will have a good sense of what is normal in your area.
Good luck!

Thanks i’m realize that, i’m not asked advises for a priest yet , since i don’t even planned to date none yet. But the thing is that every time that i think about marriage minister i stump with a wall of situations (a big one).

I’m totally on the God’s Will and sometimes i even doubt i’m called to the minister of marriage. How knows ?

 

[Xantippe]

I would encourage you to start dating now, but to do so with a lot of prudence and patience.

So much depends on your future wife’s situation that at your age, I don’t see any reason for delay in just dating, although you might want to wait until you have your house built for marriage. I wouldn’t normally recommend that to a young couple, but you have several people to house immediately, so it makes the most sense to wait for marriage until you can house them in such a way as to minimize unnecessary in-law friction.

Also, who knows? Your hypothetical future wife may have some savings of her own that would speed up the process. Also, it may save you a lot of time and money if you have her (name removed by moderator)ut during the building process–or she may have some special needs. Plus, your sister may move out at some point.

If you had unlimited resources, I would suggest providing your mom a bedroom, a bathroom, and a small kitchen of her. But even with more limited resoures, you can still provide your mom a room and perhaps a small kitchen area of her own–perhaps a small refrigerator, a microwave, maybe a coffee maker or electric tea kettle just for her, and maybe some storage (and ideally she’d have a sink of her own). It might also be nice to arrange a small sitting area in her bedroom so that she can privately entertain friends–for instance a couple of comfy chairs and a table. Or maybe a balcony or patio of her own would be nice. And ideally a TV of her own if she watches TV. You know how in a hotel they manage to squeeze a lot of function into a small space? Of course, your mom will want a lot of (name removed by moderator)ut, but it might be helpful to her if you made a big list of possibilities and asked her what was more important. (And then there’s your sister, but she may not be around forever.)

It might also be helpful if you told your mom that you want to have a wife and children of your own, but also want to be able to offer her a place of respect in your home and that going forward, you want to be able to offer both of the women in your life a comfortable home.

Important tip: do not stick your mom’s bedroom right next to whichever bedroom you plan to occupy with your future wife. Try to figure out how to put a little distance between the two, even if it’s small. Every inch counts!

Best wishes!

 

[Xantippe]

Come to think of it, you might also want to make your own bedroom equally comfortable so that you and your hypothetical future wife can head off to bed and enjoy some private time together without needing to spend all evening with the rest of the family.

 

[Julian0404]

" And they shall leave their mother and father and be joined together and become one" - paraphrase of scripture explaining marriage.

After marriage a new family has been born of two, but it is separate and distinct. Your first obligation is to each other, as you become one with your own children.

“Honor your Mother and your Father” - paraphrase of 4th Commandment.
“It will go well for you, if you care for your father in his old age, even as his mind fails” - paraphrase of scripture.

After marriage the 4th Commandment is not voidable or moot. It is still the bridge between GOD adoration found within the first three commandments, and mans obligations found from 4-10.

You must do “what” you can do for all of your family, which goes beyond your immediate family. Long distance, you may only be able to send money and always prayers and Masses and Novena’s. But you must do, what you can do, and GOD knows what you can do, so be generous and not filled with excuses or quibbling

Pray the 27th Psalm for strength and trust in JESUS.

 

[LethalMouse]

How old are you?

-DO NOT MAKE TWO ADULT WOMEN SHARE A KITCHEN FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME UNLESS BOTH OF THEM ARE CANONIZABLE SAINTS.

I agree, though it may not matter if he is young as those aged women care not for such things.

Had to

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[Rosebud77]

How old are you?

Also, what are the cultural expectations in your area? What did your parents do for their parents? Does your mother have some means of support? And is there some sort of pension system in your area? Would it be safe for relatives to live alone? Is it possible to set up a multigenerational household where there’s appropriate privacy?

In the US, we sometimes use the term “mother-in-law apartment” for an apartment that is part of a larger home but where there’s a lot of privacy and independence for both the mother-in-law and the young family, but at the same time it’s safer and more convenient than living completely separately. I do not know how it is in your area, but in the US, I would give the advice–**DO NOT MAKE TWO ADULT WOMEN SHARE A KITCHEN FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME UNLESS BOTH OF THEM ARE CANONIZABLE SAINTS.
**
Without more information, I would say that 1) you need to figure out a lot of stuff with your future wife 2) there might be some need for delay, but not indefinite delay (after all, if you sacrifice everything for your mother and sister, who will sacrifice for YOU when you are old if you never get to have a family?) 3) Your older relatives should work while they are able-bodied 4) Your sister should work, too, once she reaches an appropriate age

There is no single answer, because there are so many differences in circumstances.

Also, you can ask advice from your parish priest, who will have a good sense of what is normal in your area.

Good luck!

amen to this! Spoken I think from hard experience,

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Cross each Bridge as you come to it, when My parents became old , I visited them each week,had lunch with them,we talked about everything ,I gave advise & they gave me advise, I never cast them aside because I had a wife &. Children, they were lucky because they worked hard through there life and owned there own home ,and had saved money,
As a son,you still have a responsibility to look after them if you can,
I have no hesitation to look after my mother in law when that need arises ,

 

[Xantippe]

amen to this! Spoken I think from hard experience,

I’ve told the story before, but I was once visiting my mom as a late 30-something. I was helping her prepare some carrots and celery for a party and she was hovering over me telling me exactly how long to cut them. Apparently, it was really important…