Resume contact with brother?

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Brief background: my brother decided a few years ago he was transgender, changed his name and everything, and even completely cut off contact with me and my parents for a few months. He’s since decided to resume contact, and he and my parents speak pretty regularly, but I haven’t spoken to him for a least a year. It’s not because I hold a grudge or anything against him; really, I wish him all the best and pray that he finds his way back one day. I haven’t spoken to or met with him because I’m afraid it will be very psychologically traumatizing for me to do so. I just don’t want to see him the way he is because I really believe it will seriously mess with my mental health to do so.
Recently, I was thinking about the Gospel passage from either last week or two weeks ago, about the man who owes a great deal of money to his master and begs his master for forgiveness. After being forgiven, the man then goes out to someone who owes him money and beats him horribly. Being a sinner myself, of course, I wonder if I’m not being like the man in the Gospel passage. I wonder if, because I don’t want to speak to my brother (and again, purely for reasons of mental health), I’m going to God for forgiveness, and then just turning around and treating my brother the same way the man in the Gospel passage did. Is this really what I’m doing by not wanting to speak to my brother?
Again, I have legitimate concerns about my own wellbeing and the stability of my mental health if I have to see the way he’s changed and hear him try to mimic a girl’s voice, but I’ve been wondering about this lately, so I figured I should get some advice. Would God condition forgiveness of my sins on speaking to my brother, despite my concerns for my mental health?
Thanks.
 
Mazon said:
. Would God condition forgiveness of my sins on speaking to my brother, despite my concerns for my mental health?
Thanks.
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I don’t believe that your forgiveness from God depends on you speaking to your brother.

It is not as if you are not forgiving him for something. You just know that for your own mental health, you cannot see him. There are people we just can’t be around sometimes, and that’s okay.

God is forgiving your sins because you asked for forgiveness, not because of anything else. I don’t see your situation the same way as the gospel.

But perhaps you can ask your priest next time you see him.
 
Mazon said:
Recently, I was thinking about the Gospel passage from either last week or two weeks ago, about the man who owes a great deal of money to his master and begs his master for forgiveness. After being forgiven, the man then goes out to someone who owes him money and beats him horribly. Being a sinner myself, of course, I wonder if I’m not being like the man in the Gospel passage.
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I think, as often happens, that you are answering your own confusion. Like the guy in the gospel, your attitude might be the issue. Discrimination/entitlement/judgment. He knows the Catholic position you take so he probably doesn’t expect you to rejoice about his choices, but like Jesus, you can meet a person where they are at and still love them.
 
Annie said:
Surely you are seeing someone for your mental health problems and could discuss this with that person?
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I agree. This is really an issue to discuss with your mental health professional, who can help you get to the bottom of why you feel that contact with a family member is unhealthy for you, and what, if anything, you could consider doing to address the situation.

I’d feel free to give you an answer if this were just a matter of you feeling uncomfortable talking to your brother since he’s transitioned. However, since this is a matter of your health, it’s a medical question, and we here on the forum can’t and shouldn’t be giving you advice on it.
 
Yes. Speak to a priest, and to your mental health provider. This doesn’t really sound like a matter of forgiveness, but you probably will have to deal with your brother in the future.
 
No, I’m not seeing anyone for these issues. Frankly, this is the only mental health issue I have, and I don’t see much point in paying a psychologist to lie to me about how wonderful it is what my brother’s done. Honestly, outside of this, I’ve got no mental issues whatsoever.
I think, as often happens, that you are answering your own confusion. Like the guy in the gospel, your attitude might be the issue. Discrimination/entitlement/judgment. He knows the Catholic position you take so he probably doesn’t expect you to rejoice about his choices, but like Jesus, you can meet a person where they are at and still love them.
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Except I don’t have feel any entitlement or judgement towards my brother. The fact that I’m not talking to him is not his fault; it’s mine. Mentally, I’m very afraid that I won’t be able to handle it.

Thanks for all your answers, everyone. I’m feeling a lot better about this than I did when I wrote my original post yesterday. I plan on asking my priest what he thinks about this next time I see him. Just wanted to reiterate that I really don’t have anything against my brother at all; again, it’s my fault for not talking to him, since I’m very worried it will have a negative impact on my mental health. Thanks again.
 
Mental health concerns need to be discussed with your therapist, not strangers on the internet.

Mental health conditions often diminish our capacity, so speak to your pastor for moral guidance.
 
The poster stated they do not have mental health issues. However, seeing and hearing their sibling dressing, acting, talking, and living as someone of another gender, after a lifetime of knowing them as they were would be hard for them - and their ‘mental health’ over that issue. It doesn’t sound like they need or want a therapist at this point. But know how emotionally difficult it will/would be if they do resume contact with a sibling…
 
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