mary's kid:
Just to clarify… I never stated the celibate period would last the whole marriage. Actually, I am worried about what a celibate period of 6 months to a year would do to my husband in light of the addiction.
Oh! That does make a difference and is definitely a good question.
As for the trust issue, been there myself. My grandfather always teased “Trust no one, not even your Grandpa”…we laughed it off at the time, but by the time I was in college, boy it was sad how much it had really set in. I had serious trust and control issues. Don’t think I got over those until my kids were in middle school, and it wasn’t because of any thing I did or set out to do…God pretty much made Himself clearly the one in control and the grace of the Holy Spirit helped me to see it one day. Life is much easier now.
I did take offense to your comment about “therapy at an affordable rate” as though you are a better person than I because you pay more for a therapist. It looks like you only had one therapist to pay for.
My apologies for not being clearer myself. My point was that God somehow finds a way to provide for the needs of the family even though on paper it appears impossible. Even though it was just one therapist that was a huge cut from our budget. I cried for several days going over and over the numbers feeling so incompetent for not being able to provide the critical care my son needed at that moment, wrestled with taking on a part time job on top of my full-time one, etc. Ended up at adoration and peace came over me. Went home and made the appointment with the therapist. It so happened I ended up with a retroactive raise the university handed out, my husband was handed a few extra projects at work which were extra pay, relatives sent checks for late birthdays and such…somehow we had just as much as we needed to get him through therapy - over a year’s worth of sessions! I understand your distress, I was hoping to offer a bit of hope - that obviously backfired in my rush to post, my bad
If I recall correctly though you already have good therapists lined up for all your family’s needs within your insurance so you wouldn’t need to go elsewhere anyway. I suppose my post came across suggesting you should, but you made it clear they were out of range distance-wise as well and then you shared that the therapist you see is Christian already and supports saving the marriage. I think that came later in the thread though.
Anyway, I just want you to know that I believe completely that since marriage is so sacred God will provide whatever it is you need to help you and your husband through this - including money when you see no way that could possibly happen. It’s scary as all get out to be in that position and truly, I don’t know how it works - whether it was a measure of my own faith or despite the lack of it - but I wanted you to know it did happen against all odds.
As for the 6 month celibacy period, how your husband handles that depends on the support system he has in place to help him through it. Therapy sessions, affection time between the two of you (non-sexual, kind of back to the courtship days), and listening to the 10 cd set of Christopher West’s Naked without Shame might help (it may take him 6 months to listen and reflect on each cd
). It took me about a week - hard to find the time - but it was so good I kept wanting to get back to it instead of having to force myself to pick it up again - that was a good thing.
Somehow I get the impression you two are going to be ok. I’m sorry I’m not of much help explaining why I feel that strongly about it, or how I see it coming to be. Maybe just knowing someone out here believes can help just a little?
