Returned to the Church- worried about my marriage

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hank3fan

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Good evening. I became disengaged from the Church back in the 90s and returned recently. During my lapsed years, I married a non-Catholic woman and we are happy together but I do worry about the status of our marriage. A month ago I made my first confession for 14 years and I brought this up- the priest gave me absolution for my sins and said we should talk about the marriage situation later. I will make an appointment to see him this week to get his take on how we should proceed. In the meantime, can anyone here offer me any advice on my situation? It is a civil marriage that has never been blessed- does this make me a fornicator and mean that I am in a state of mortal sin? I had the Eurcharist after that Confession - is there a possible problem with this?
 
hank3fan said:
Good evening. I became disengaged from the Church back in the 90s and returned recently. During my lapsed years, I married a non-Catholic woman and we are happy together but I do worry about the status of our marriage. A month ago I made my first confession for 14 years and I brought this up- the priest gave me absolution for my sins and said we should talk about the marriage situation later. I will make an appointment to see him this week to get his take on how we should proceed. In the meantime, can anyone here offer me any advice on my situation? It is a civil marriage that has never been blessed- does this make me a fornicator and mean that I am in a state of mortal sin? I had the Eurcharist after that Confession - is there a possible problem with this?
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Your priest will guide you although here we will voice opinions based on the scant information you give.
I would say that in the eyes of the Church you do not have a valid marriage and so yes you would be in a state of mortal sin if you have an ongoing sexual relationship.
Its not that you are married to a non-Catholic that is the problem. Its that you are a Catholic and are bound by the rules of the Church. Unless you had a dispensation from the Church (which I do not believe is given for a civil only marriage) then the Church does not consider you married.
For you to receive Communion you would have to refrain from sexual relationship until you sit down with the priest to sort out the marriage situation.

See Canon Law:

intratext.com/IXT/ENG0017/__P3Z.HTM
 
My understanding of mortal sin, though, is that you have to knowingly commit it. Since you had gone to confession, received absolution after telling him about your situation and he didn’t counsel you, I’m assuming you received Eucharist thinking it was fine at the time.

Obviously you’d still want to tell your priest your concern about receiving under those circumstances, but you don’t seem to have met the criteria for mortal sin because you didn’t have an understanding that you could be committing one.

Oh, and until the marriage is blessed, you should refrain from sexual activity.
 
So long as neither of you are divorced, there should be no problem. A quick discussion with your priest and a convalidation of the marriage and you’ll be all set…
Of course if either of you ARE divorced…things could get more complicated.

By the way - WELCOME HOME…👍

Peace
James
 
Thank you for all the replies and the welcomes. I do not believe that I received the Eucharist in a state of sin because it was done after a full confession, but I do see that I need to have the marriage blessed by the Church asap and that I should not have sex with my wife until it is so blessed . Luckily, I will not have to deal with some of the tougher dilemmas as outlined by DaddyGirl because my wife has no problems marrying within the Church (thank God for that!!!). Also, to clarify, we have no previous marriages. So I guess it’s just a question of handing in the required documents and getting the union blessed?
 
DaddyGirl said:
As above…from what I understand, you have to be married in the Catholic church for it to be valid (in the eyes of the church).
If you do not, and you are having sex, then it’s a big YES that you are sinning, etc. And you did receive the Eucharist in a state of sin (right?).
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He had just gone to confession and was unaware of the canonical status of his marriage, thus I wouldn’t say he committed any sin based on those circumstances.
So…your wife either has to re-marry you in the Catholic church…OR, if you stay with her, you have to stop having sex with her…FOREVER.
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That’s not necessarily true. In such a situation he can apply for what’s called a radical sanation. A radical sanation is a decree issued by the diocesan bishop stating that he accepts the original consent of the marriage as valid.
Its a common remedy to a situation where one party refuses to convalidate the marriage through a repetition of vows.
 
DaddyGirl said:
But wait…question, please?
IF they were indeed both divorced, but the previous marriages were NOT performed in a Catholic church…would it still be a problem? Since the other marriages wouldn’t even be seen as “valid” in the eyes of the Catholic church so, therefore, they weren’t really even "married in the eyes of God?
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In truth I don’t know. It would vary depending on details of the situation. I mentioned it only to caution the OP that, if there were a previous marriage(s), it would complicate matters as this would have to be sorted out.

Peace
James
 
DaddyGirl said:
But wait…question, please?
IF they were indeed both divorced, but the previous marriages were NOT performed in a Catholic church…would it still be a problem? Since the other marriages wouldn’t even be seen as “valid” in the eyes of the Catholic church so, therefore, they weren’t really even "married in the eyes of God?
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A couple of points:
  1. Someone baptized Catholic is obligated to be married in the Catholic Church, thus any marriage entered outside the Church is invalid.
  2. Someone who is not baptized Catholic is not obligated to be married in the Catholic Church, thus any marriage they enter would be valid.
 
hank3fan said:
Good evening. I became disengaged from the Church back in the 90s and returned recently. During my lapsed years, I married a non-Catholic woman and we are happy together but I do worry about the status of our marriage. A month ago I made my first confession for 14 years and I brought this up- the priest gave me absolution for my sins and said we should talk about the marriage situation later. I will make an appointment to see him this week to get his take on how we should proceed. In the meantime, can anyone here offer me any advice on my situation? It is a civil marriage that has never been blessed- does this make me a fornicator and mean that I am in a state of mortal sin? I had the Eurcharist after that Confession - is there a possible problem with this?
Click to expand...
Based on the limited information you provide I don’t think you received the Eucharist on the occasion you mention in a state of sin. You had just been to confession and received absolution of your sins.

If you are a Catholic and if you were not granted a dispensation from canonical form then your marriage is probably invalid. If neither of you have ever been married before your situation is relatively easy to resolve.

Make an appointment to see your parish priest. He can fill in the necessary paperwork and make the appropriate arrangements to regularise your marriage. In the meantime you must refrain from sex with your wife.
 
NewEnglandPries said:
A couple of points:
  1. Someone baptized Catholic is obligated to be married in the Catholic Church, thus any marriage entered outside the Church is invalid.
  2. Someone who is not baptized Catholic is not obligated to be married in the Catholic Church, thus any marriage they enter would be valid.
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Good to hear from a priest on this matter…

Just to play devils advocate here on your response…

He is Catholic so his marriage to her is invalid?
She is not Catholic so her marriage to him is valid?

Put another way she is in in a valid marriage but he is not???

Just trying to be clear on this.

Peace
James
 
JRKH said:
Good to hear from a priest on this matter…

Just to play devils advocate here on your response…

He is Catholic so his marriage to her is invalid?
She is not Catholic so her marriage to him is valid?

Put another way she is in in a valid marriage but he is not???

Just trying to be clear on this.

Peace
James
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No. A marriage is either valid or not valid. It is not valid for one and invalid for the other. The previous post was not talking about this specific marriage, it was a generality about marriages.

The previous post was talking about:
  1. A marriage involving a Catholic
  2. A marriage between two non-Catholics
Any time one party is Catholic, Catholic canon law must be followed for it to be a valid marriage.
 
Yes, discuss with your priest (and/or deacon) and have your marriage convalidated. It’s realtively simple procedure.
He’ll want to sit down and discuss with you on “why” you want to, and discuss with yoru wife and why she wants to as well. You’ll discuss children too, being open to them, etc
 
1ke said:
No. A marriage is either valid or not valid. It is not valid for one and invalid for the other. The previous post was not talking about this specific marriage, it was a generality about marriages.

The previous post was talking about:
  1. A marriage involving a Catholic
  2. A marriage between two non-Catholics
Any time one party is Catholic, Catholic canon law must be followed for it to be a valid marriage.
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Figured as much…thanks for clarifying…

Peace
James
 
JRKH said:
Just to play devils advocate here on your response…

He is Catholic so his marriage to her is invalid?
She is not Catholic so her marriage to him is valid?

Put another way she is in in a valid marriage but he is not???

Just trying to be clear on this.
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The marriage is invalid because of his requirement to be married in the Church. The marriage is either valid or invalid on the whole, its not per person. If one person has an impediment then its invalid…
 
hank3fan said:
  • does this make me a fornicator and mean that I am in a state of mortal sin? I had the Eurcharist after that Confession - is there a possible problem with this?
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the very reason you are meeting with the priest is so he can answers those questions in a way relevant to your personal situation, in the context of confession if matter for confession is involved. You probably know the objective teaching, which is why you ask, but no one here is competent to say " you are sinning" in any way.

welcome home, I first read you got away from church in your 90s and then married, good thing I read it again.
 
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