Sharol,
May I share my story?
I’ve been lost all my life, mostly due to my upbringing and a history of Depression and Anxiety. I’d always gone to church, though. In my teens I started to get involved with a Catholic charismatic youth group and as a young adult another Catholic group. These helped me grow in my faith but I still felt like an outsider. In my thirties my Depression was so bad I was feeling suicidal and finally got into counseling. The mental illnesses increases in intensity for 15 years but with a lot of work and therapy I’m on the other side now.
Regarding my faith journey, I became very involved with the Church through music ministry. I felt like I finally belonged but, in truth, my faith was not as strong as it should have been. It came to a point that I was ‘fired’ from a volunteer position of director of one of the choirs in my church. I no longer felt I belonged. I was lost as my relationship with the Church, with Christ and His Body hinged on something as superficial as leadership in a ministry. I left the Church.
While I was gone from the Church I did not search out another faith community because I knew that the Catholic Church was the One True Church. After ten long years I felt the urge, the call, to come back to Church. I tried to come back during an Easter Vigil and cried though the whole thing, thinking “I don’t belong here.” I tried coming back later at a regular Sunday Mass and, again, cried through the whole thing, thinking, “I don’t belong here.” When I got the urge again, I rejected it, saying to God, “Why even try? I’ll just start crying again.”
I figured at that time, “Well, if I can’t go to Mass, maybe I can say the Rosary.” Since I couldn’t find my rosary and I’d heard that the Pope had added five new mysteries, I went out and bought a new rosary and a booklet with all the mysteries described in it. I said all twenty mysteries of the Rosary, twice, and then felt strong enough to go back to Church.
When I entered the church building I took a bulletin and sat down. Looking at the front of the paper in my hand I saw that it was the Feast of Corpus Christi, the Feast of the Body and Blood of Christ. I though that this was the perfect day to return to the Body of Christ, on the Feast of the Body of Christ. After Mass, the priest was kind enough to hear my Confession and I’ve been growing in my Faith and haven’t left the Church since that time. Oh, and I go to Confession very frequently.
@Sharol,
What I’d like you to take away from my story are the following:
- Your feelings of isolation may be, in part, due to depression or anxiety and counseling may help. Just something to take into consideration.
- None of us ARE worthy. That’s why I now go to Confession very frequently. It has really helped me to grow in my relationship with God and in my Faith.
- If you aren’t comfortable with approaching the Mass right now, how about visiting an Adoration chapel and just praying there? Or picking up a Rosary and asking for the intercession of the Blessed Virgin?
The Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit love you, Sharol.
Be at peace.
