Returning to the Church but married to a non-Christian

  • Thread starter Thread starter Hippogryph
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
H

Hippogryph

Guest
I fell away from the Catholic Church in my mid-late 20s after a sinful, long-term relationship with another Catholic girl finally imploded due to the seeds that we had both been planting for years.

After the break, I spent the next four years pursuing hook-ups, pointless diversions, more pointless relationships, and literally moving across the US to California in order to get involved with some “new age,” if you will, religious practices. I now see that this was all me running away from responsibility - namely from God, his law, and his Church.

When I was in Cali, I met the love of my life, a non-Christian, and we got married. Now we have been married now for almost 2 years and it has been the greatest relationship I’ve ever had with any woman.

Recently I have been hearing the call, so to speak, to return to the Church. I have been finding little signs, like a rosary turning up out of nowhere, or one of my devout Catholic friends contacting me out of nowhere. I started to read Catholic literature and watch EWTN and listen to Catholic radio and such. I even talked to my wife about it, and she is very supportive. She said she would like to go to Mass with me, so we are planning on attending this Sunday.

Now, I ask for you all to give me your prayers and your advice, if you have any. I never thought I’d be considering coming back into the Church, but now that I am, I have a non-Catholic, non-Christian wife, and I’m wondering how difficult it will be to get this blessed by the Church.

Also, with regard to my wife’s conversion, what would be the best way to open her heart and mind to the truth of the Catholic faith? Almost all Christian theology, dogma, and ideas are foreign to her. Things like not using contraception will be pretty shocking to her. I don’t know if I’m prepared to address these issues when they come up.

Thanks for your help.
 
Were you ever married before? Was your non-Christian wife ever married before?

If neither of you were married before getting your marital situation sorted should not take very long.

If either of you were, then that will mean a much longer, harder road.
 
Then simply talk to your parish priest about getting your marriage “convalidated”. (This refers to getting married in the Church.) Particularly if your wife is not averse to your conversion, this should be a painless sort of process. Though you may, if you like, have a full-scale wedding, you could also simply have a small ceremony with the priest and two witnesses.
 
One thing at a time.

Firstly, Welcome Home!

Make an appointment with your priest and explain your situation to him. He will help you convalidate your marriage.

Don’t worry about your wife’s spiritual state, yet. She does not have to convert for your marriage to be valid. If you try to dump all kinds of “how to be Catholic” stuff on her right now, it will probably overwhelm her and strain your marriage more than necessary. (Although, it would be okay to explain that artificial birth control would be entirely up to her but you would be willing to work together if she learned NFP).

After your marriage is convalidated, you might suggest that she attend RCIA. It is a class to teach about the Catholic faith, not an “intent to convert”.
 
Well Sillara has covered how to get your marriage squared with the Church.

As for the second question about opening her mind; I would not try to convert her, but simply live your life in the fullness of Christ. In other words let your life be directed by your faith rather than by secular ideals of normal/acceptable. That is how I came to the Church. My wife lived her life and taught me the truth through living her faith with no apologies. I couldn’t help but follow her.
 
SonCatcher said:
…After your marriage is convalidated, you might suggest that she attend RCIA. It is a class to teach about the Catholic faith, not an “intent to convert”.
Click to expand...
The inquiry classes prior to the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) typically start in September or so and go through until the start of Advent, when those who intend to convert start their catechumenate.

If you’re not used to it, Mass can seem like one of those “I’m in this exam, only I realize I’m the only one who missed all the lectures” nightmare. It can be very disconcerting. My husband is non-Catholic and did not get religious training growing up. He wanted to know what to do at Mass in order to not feel as if he were sticking out like a sore thumb at Mass…how to genuflect, when to genuflect or sit or stand, what he is and isn’t allowed to do as a non-Catholic, what it means to do this or that, and so on. Other non-Catholics do not mind appearing to be non-Catholic, so for them you mostly need to let them know about points of etiquette, such as not eating or drinking if you’re over about two years old, limiting the volume and amount of talking, how to let others out of the pew so they can receive Holy Communion, and that kind of thing, not to mention practical information such as where to find the bathroom. If his wife would like to attend Mass with him, I would ask her if she’d like tips about that kind of thing.
 
Oh, also be aware: If no one has warned you, they revised the English translation of the Mass last year and changed the responses slightly:

THE PEOPLE’S MASS PARTS
English translation of The Order of Mass I
© 2006, 2008, International Committee on English in the Liturgy, Inc. All rights reserved.

GREETING

Priest:
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ,
and the love of God,
and the communion of the Holy Spirit
be with you all.
Or:
Grace to you and peace from God our Father
and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Or:
The Lord be with you.
People:
And with your spirit.

PENITENTIAL ACT (A)

I confess to almighty God
and to you, my brothers and sisters,
that I have greatly sinnedin my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done and in what I have failed to do,
And, striking their breast, they say:
through my fault, through my fault,
through my most grievous fault;
Then they continue:
therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin,
all the Angels and Saints,
and you, my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord our God.

PENITENTIAL ACT (B) – (This is one possible version)

Priest:
Have mercy on us, O Lord.
People:
For we have sinned against you.
Priest:
Show us, O Lord, your mercy.
People:
And grant us your salvation.

THE GLORIA

Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to people of good will.
We praise you,
we bless you,
we adore you,
we glorify you,
we give you thanks for your great glory,
Lord God, heavenly King,
O God, almighty Father.
Lord Jesus Christ, Only Begotten Son,
Lord God, Lamb of God, Son of the Father,
you take away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us;
you take away the sins of the world,
receive our prayer;
you are seated at the right hand of the Father,
have mercy on us.
For you alone are the Holy One,
you alone are the Lord,
you alone are the Most High,
Jesus Christ,
with the Holy Spirit,
in the glory of God the Father.
Amen.
(The Niceno-Constantinopolitan Creed, given as the first option in the Missal, is printed on the reverse side so that all the words may be together.)

THE APOSTLES’ CREED

I believe in God,
the Father almighty,
Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,
At the words that follow, up to and including the Virgin Mary, all bow.
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died and was buried;
he descended into hell;
on the third day he rose again from the dead;
he ascended into heaven,
and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty;
from there he will come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting. Amen.

THE NICENO-
CONSTANTINOPOLITAN CREED

I believe in one God,
the Father almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all things visible and invisible.
And in one Lord Jesus Christ,
the Only Begotten Son of God,
born of the Father before all ages.
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made, consubstantial with the Father;
through him all things were made.
For us men and for our salvation
he came down from heaven,
At the words that follow up to and including and became man, all bow.
and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate
of the Virgin Mary,
and became man.
For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate,
he suffered death and was buried,
and rose again on the third day
in accordance with the Scriptures.
He ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory
to judge the living and the dead
and his kingdom will have no end.
And in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son,
who with the Father and the Son is adored and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets.
And one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church.
I confess one baptism for the forgiveness of sins
and I look forward to the resurrection of the dead
and the life of the world to come. Amen.

THE ORATE, FRATRES

Priest:
Pray, brethren (brothers and sisters),
that my sacrifice and yours
may be acceptable to God,
the almighty Father.
The people rise and reply:
May the Lord accept the sacrifice at your hands
for the praise and glory of his name,
for our good
and the good of all his holy Church.

THE PREFACE DIALOGUE

Priest:
The Lord be with you.
People:
And with your spirit.
Priest:
Lift up your hearts.
People:
We lift them up to the Lord.
Priest:
Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
People:
It is right and just.

THE SANCTUS

Holy, Holy, Holy Lord God of hosts.
Heaven and earth are full of your glory.
Hosanna in the highest.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
Hosanna in the highest.

THE MYSTERIUM FIDEI

We proclaim your death, O Lord,
and profess your Resurrection
until you come again.
Or:
When we eat this Bread and drink this Cup,
we proclaim your death, O Lord,
until you come again.
Or:
Save us, Savior of the world,
for by your Cross and Resurrection
you have set us free.

BEFORE THE SIGN OF PEACE

Priest:
The peace of the Lord be with you always.
People:
And with your spirit.

THE ECCE AGNUS DEI

Priest:
Behold the Lamb of God,
behold him who takes away the sins of the world.
Blessed are those called to the supper of the Lamb.
Together:
Lord, I am not worthy
that you should enter under my roof,
but only say the word
and my soul shall be healed.
 
Hippogryph said:
I fell away from the Catholic Church in my mid-late 20s after a sinful, long-term relationship with another Catholic girl finally imploded due to the seeds that we had both been planting for years.

When I was in Cali, I met the love of my life, a non-Christian, and we got married. Now we have been married now for almost 2 years and it has been the greatest relationship I’ve ever had with any woman.

Now, I ask for you all to give me your prayers and your advice, if you have any. I never thought I’d be considering coming back into the Church, but now that I am, I have a non-Catholic, non-Christian wife, and I’m wondering how difficult it will be to get this blessed by the Church.

Also, with regard to my wife’s conversion, what would be the best way to open her heart and mind to the truth of the Catholic faith? Almost all Christian theology, dogma, and ideas are foreign to her. Things like not using contraception will be pretty shocking to her. I don’t know if I’m prepared to address these issues when they come up.

Thanks for your help.
Click to expand...
As someone said…first things first…take care of your marriage situation, get it convalidated…talk to your parish priest.

And secondly…pray for her. She will come on her own…with your prayers. Be the example to her how it is to be a faithful catholic.

A suggestion to try to introduce her…is movies…watch religiously themed movies…about the Apostles, about the saints…this site has a library of movies for you to select at.

Oh…a suggestion maybe the catholicism series by Fr. Robert Barron.
 
Welcome back to the Church!

I am a Catholic who is also married to a non-Catholic, non-Christian woman. There was no problem having our marriage convalidated. We attended an 8-hour course at a local parish with other couples. Just talk with your pastor and he will let you know where and when the next class is going to be. My wife and I both enjoyed it.

Regarding NFP, what sold my wife on the concept was the fact that it is a natural and healthy method of monitoring her fertility. She was very impressed that I cared for her health so much and wanted to attend regular NFP courses as a couple to learn the system (Creighton Model). Of course, I also wanted to use NFP for reasons of faith, but I didn’t talk to her much about that in the beginning. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hide that aspect from her…I just didn’t overcomplicate the issue by discussing it much.

As time has passed by and we had our two children, I would take our daughter to mass each Sunday while my wife stayed home with our infant son. My wife grew fond of the way my daughter and I would always be talking about Jesus when we got home from mass. Just recently, my wife said she wants to become Catholic. She said she wants to be a part of what my daughter and I experience and talk about each week.

To make a long story short, take baby steps and don’t bombard her too much with faith matters. God will do his work in time 🙂
 
EasterJoy said:
Oh, also be aware: If no one has warned you, they revised the English translation of the Mass last year and changed the responses slightly:
Yes, Thank you. I myself realized there were some changes pretty quickly when I went to my first mass again after a 10 year hiatus:eek:. I was like 😊 serves me right… :rotfl:
Click to expand...
 
Grace2013 said:
Yes, Thank you. I myself realized there were some changes pretty quickly when I went to my first mass again after a 10 year hiatus:eek:. I was like 😊 serves me right… :rotfl:
Click to expand...
If it makes you feel any better, nobody is assuming that people who make mistakes haven’t been to Mass for a year. It’s been a year and the daily Mass people are still messing it up every once in a awhile! Say the same thing for a few decades, and old habits die hard. Some parishes have pulled the “cheat sheets” from the pews, but lots of them still have them.

Actually, it is probably the best time to come back in decades, if you’re afraid you won’t know the responses, because everybody is making mistakes these days!! 😃
 
Welcome home OP!

It seems that your marriage convalidation will be a straightforward matter. Talk to your parish priest and take it from there.

It is wonderful that your wife is ok with your reversion. Many times a spouse has strong objections and the conversion/reversion creates problems. Don’t be OTT about it, don’t suffocate her with Catholic stuff, just let her do things at her own pace. Live your faith and answer questions when she asks. If you don’t know the answer come here and you will get all the info you need 👍

Best of luck and God bless!
 
Hippogryph said:
I fell away from the Catholic Church in my mid-late 20s after a sinful, long-term relationship with another Catholic girl finally imploded due to the seeds that we had both been planting for years.

After the break, I spent the next four years pursuing hook-ups, pointless diversions, more pointless relationships, and literally moving across the US to California in order to get involved with some “new age,” if you will, religious practices. I now see that this was all me running away from responsibility - namely from God, his law, and his Church.

When I was in Cali, I met the love of my life, a non-Christian, and we got married. Now we have been married now for almost 2 years and it has been the greatest relationship I’ve ever had with any woman.

Recently I have been hearing the call, so to speak, to return to the Church. I have been finding little signs, like a rosary turning up out of nowhere, or one of my devout Catholic friends contacting me out of nowhere. I started to read Catholic literature and watch EWTN and listen to Catholic radio and such. I even talked to my wife about it, and she is very supportive. She said she would like to go to Mass with me, so we are planning on attending this Sunday.

Now, I ask for you all to give me your prayers and your advice, if you have any. I never thought I’d be considering coming back into the Church, but now that I am, I have a non-Catholic, non-Christian wife, and I’m wondering how difficult it will be to get this blessed by the Church.

Also, with regard to my wife’s conversion, what would be the best way to open her heart and mind to the truth of the Catholic faith? Almost all Christian theology, dogma, and ideas are foreign to her. Things like not using contraception will be pretty shocking to her. I don’t know if I’m prepared to address these issues when they come up.

Thanks for your help.
Click to expand...
The Holy Spirit is calling you back into the Church. Welcome (back) Home! The next step is to find and make an appointment with a wise and holy priest to discuss your marriage situation. If neither of you have been married before, this should be easily fixed. Attending RCIA as a couple would be a good way to re-aquaint you and introduce your wife to the teachings of the Church. Some things will be harder and some things will be easier for her to accept. Be patient and pray, pray, pray.
 
The point in common that i have with you, is that i also married and non-Catholic and felt this call to resume to church. Say the rosary and pray for your wife. I never intended for my husband to change but all of sudden he asked me what kind of prayer i was doing and started to join in. On his own, he discovered that Catholic faith is the true church and she contains all the blessed sacrament that we need to receive such Eucharist and confession. Anyway, he is converting to the Catholic and he is about to be baptize. He looks at me with envy and he looks forward for the day for him to receive also the Eucharist.

Pray for your wife, you don’t need anyone approval to follow this call. Never cease to pray for her. I recommend for you to get many movies or books about Saints. Study their life and let the Holy spirit guide you. Don’t forget to read the bible again and don’t doubt this holy book.

Congratulations on considering to go back to the Catholic faith. All these years, that i thought i knew the Catholic church, to only realize that i am rediscovering it with my husband. What a blessings that Jesus gave us before ascending to Heaven and the teaching and that he passed on to this apposite. Peter was indeed of the rock of his church.

Blessings and love!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top