Reverence for Cremated Remains

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My only sister was married nearly 53 years and practiced her Catholic Faith devotedly although her convert husband has not for decades and has not yet nearly a year after her passing. She was cremated and a Catholic Mass was performed. He keeps her ashes in an Urn in their home as he is not yet ready to let go. He recently told me that he has talked to their three sons and has letter of intent to have both their ashes scattered in a National Park they loved, a Park far from their sons and grown grandchildren. Although their sons are religious, they do not practice the Catholic Faith they were raised in. I am the only relative that can speak for the Catholic expectations of reverent respect for her remains.

It is very clear he loved her and is still grieving. I have no way of knowing what they may have agreed while she still had the ability to discuss it.

What advice can you give in how to encourage my brother-in-law to honor his Catholic wife by coming into agreement with the Catholic expectations?
 
Ask him what she said. She was a devout Catholic, so you can tell him what the Church teaches. He has legal control of her remains, of course, but she was your sister. Let’s hope he does care about your grief, too.

Were it me, I’d go to the parish where her funeral was held and ask the pastor about this situation. He may have talked to your sister before she died and may know her wishes. He also might want to talk to her husband himself, since the husband is the non-practicing widower of a deceased member of the parish who was very devout when she was alive. Perhaps you can help him to reach out to your grieving brother-in-law. Pursue the living souls first, then worry about remains. Surely, after all, your brother-in-law’s soul is of more interest to your sister than her ashes, even though those are important, too.
 
Your sister should have discussed this with her spouse long before the time arrived. You could certainly say something to him, but don’t be surprised if he continues with his plan of scattering ashes.

I don’t think most people have a clue what the Church teaches on this, and the only catechesis I’ve seen in our diocese is there is a pamphlet that came with one of our Catholic Services Appeal receipts that talked about the diocesan cemetery and Catholic burial.

My DH’s parents have been divorced for many years, and neither is Catholic. They both plan to be cremated, and I have no doubt his brother (only sibling, also not Catholic) will want to do an ash-scattering when the time comes. DH is totally against it…not sure how that will all end up.

Anyway…I’m sorry for the loss of your sister, and will say a prayer for her and all the family. Trust that God understands the family dynamics, and loves her very much.
 
LITURGICAL NORMS ON CREMATION
Congregation for Divine Worship

ORDER OF CHRISTIAN FUNERALS
Appendix 2, “Cremation”

417 The cremated remains of a body **should be **treated with the same respect given to the human body from which they come. This includes the use of a worthy vessel to contain the ashes, the manner in which they are carried, the care and attention to appropriate placement and transport, and the final disposition. The cremated remains **should be **buried in a grave or entombed in a mausoleum or columbarium. **The practice of scattering cremated remains on the sea, from the air, or on the ground, or keeping cremated remains in the home of a relative or friend of the deceased are not the reverent disposition that the Church requires. **Whenever possible, appropriate means for recording with dignity the memory of the deceased should be adopted, such as a plaque or stone which records the name of the deceased.
 
LITURGICAL NORMS ON CREMATION
Congregation for Divine Worship

ORDER OF CHRISTIAN FUNERALS
Appendix 2, “Cremation”

417 The cremated remains of a body **should be **treated with the same respect given to the human body from which they come. This includes the use of a worthy vessel to contain the ashes, the manner in which they are carried, the care and attention to appropriate placement and transport, and the final disposition. The cremated remains **should be **buried in a grave or entombed in a mausoleum or columbarium. **The practice of scattering cremated remains on the sea, from the air, or on the ground, or keeping cremated remains in the home of a relative or friend of the deceased are not the reverent disposition that the Church requires. **Whenever possible, appropriate means for recording with dignity the memory of the deceased should be adopted, such as a plaque or stone which records the name of the deceased.
I don’t think anybody here is unaware that scattering the ashes of deceased persons is forbidden by the Church. The bigger issue, however, is that your brother-in-law has fallen away from practicing the faith. As bad as it would be for your sister’s remains to be treated with any disrespect, she must still be far more concerned that her dear husband is neglecting his soul by neglecting his religious duties so totally. If you can give his pastor any help in seeking this lost lamb, please give it. Your sister would certainly want this. The ashes are in his home at present, but once he returns to the Church, he will be better-disposed to interring your sister’s ashes in a suitable way.
 
I don’t think anybody here is unaware that scattering the ashes of deceased persons is forbidden by the Church. The bigger issue, however, is that your brother-in-law has fallen away from practicing the faith. As bad as it would be for your sister’s remains to be treated with any disrespect, she must still be far more concerned that her dear husband is neglecting his soul by neglecting his religious duties so totally. If you can give his pastor any help in seeking this lost lamb, please give it. Your sister would certainly want this. The ashes are in his home at present, but once he returns to the Church, he will be better-disposed to interring your sister’s ashes in a suitable way.
I didn’t know.
 
I didn’t know.
I stand corrected!

We are not to rise without identity or in spirit only, as part of some “group consciousness,” but still each one beloved as an individual person and with a glorified body. Therefore, reverence for the body which the virtue of hope teaches us will rise again and our duty to witness to our sure hope in the resurrection requires that the remains of the dead not be scattered or dispersed without just cause. Obviously, a manner of death which scatters the remains of the deceased cannot be helped. Furthermore, it would be permitted, for instance, to donate body parts to science, rather than burying them with the rest of the physical remains, provided there is a commensurate good achieved and the portion of the remains not interred with the rest of the body are treated with respect. It is not that it is beyond the power of God to resurrect a body whose remains were scattered. It is that the ritual of scattering or the attitude that scattering makes no difference does not give the body that is to be raised again the respect it ought to be given. Cremation once carried such a strong connection with bluntly public disbelief that the body would truly rise again that it was forbidden in the Catholic Church until 1963. The rule was relaxed because cremation no longer carried that connotation.

from funeral policies for the Archdiocese of Portland in Oregon (boldface mine):
*What are the accepted means of laying the deceased to rest?
Summary: Canons 1176 §3 and 1180:
The Church maintains and earnestly recommends that the members of the faithful
observe the pious custom of burying the bodies of the deceased.
However, the Church also holds cremation as an option and does not prohibit its
practice unless it is chosen for purposes that are contrary to the Christian faith
,
such as:
a) the deceased or those responsible for his or her burial have no belief in
the resurrection
;
b) the choice is based on a sectarian spirit;
c) there is a hatred of the Catholic religion or the Church.
It would be most proper that, if a parish has its own cemetery, deceased members
of the faithful of that parish should be buried in it, unless the deceased or those
given charge of his or her burial arrangements have legitimately chosen another
cemetery for the final burial.
The “Appendix” of the Order of Christian Funerals adds: “The cremated remains
should be buried in a grave or entombed in a mausoleum or columbarium. The
practice of scattering cremated remains on the sea, from the air, or on the ground,
or keeping cremated remains in the home of a relative or friend of the deceased
are not the reverent disposition that the Church requires. Whenever possible,
appropriate means for recording with dignity the memory of the deceased should
be adopted, such as a plaque or stone which records the name of the deceased”
#417. *

This is what Canon 1180 literally says:
*Can. 1180 §1. If a parish has its own cemetery, the deceased members of the faithful must be buried in it unless the deceased or those competent to take care of the burial of the deceased have chosen another cemetery legitimately.
**§2. *Everyone, however, is permitted to choose the cemetery of burial unless prohibited by law.
 
Thank you for your replies. They help me.

We live on opposite coasts, but he will be visiting in early June.
 
Thank you for your replies. They help me.

We live on opposite coasts, but he will be visiting in early June.
Can you arrange to have a Mass said for the repose of your sister’s soul at the time and in the parish where your visit will take place? That makes a nice way to invite him to Mass with you.
 
Aside from Catholic teaching, I’m pretty sure that there are laws against scattering human remains in a national park.
 
Aside from Catholic teaching, I’m pretty sure that there are laws against scattering human remains in a national park.
Some national parks forbid it, but others have a process for getting a permit. From what I gather, they’ll want to make sure the remains have been fully pulverized, so there will be no recognizable human remains in the ashes (like a tooth).
 
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