Risk and Decision Paralysis - Keeping You Unhappy

[pmankow]

I have found myself just existing. I have a career, home, all the other ‘life’ amenities… yet I find myself ‘stuck in the mud.’

-I am 37 and have no local friends, there is a young adult group 20-40 that meet after a late Mass and I drove around the block three times but did not go in. I kept telling myself it’s too late (8pm), they’ll all be too young, they’re probably those ‘annoying youth group Catholics’, you’re too shy, etc… I ended up driving home.

-I found a very very very cheap trip to a Caribbean island today, I have the money and vacation time, but I can’t seem to pull the trigger. If I don’t go I’ll probably just sit around the house all those days. If I do go I’ll get to experience some warm weather, a new place, new food, beaches, swim, etc… but I just keep telling myself, ‘you should save that vacation time for something else’, ‘you don’t want to go alone’, ‘you don’t speak Spanish’, ‘you’ll be lonely and do nothing’, ‘what if you meet someone (friend/girlfriend) you’ll want to have those vacation days then’…

-I am comfortable at my job but live in a city with no family or friends- I have been here six years. I make a very good income but live alone and feel like I am wasting my thirties away. If I move home I’ll be around family and friends but won’t have the same level of career- maybe, I am assuming that. I’ll be admitting defeat by coming home- to what I don’t know. Also, they do drink more in my home town, I don’t want to fall back into that.

This theme seems to be more and more prevalent in my life. Fearing what the future may hold if I make the wrong choice. I am finding that it is keeping me from acting at all, constantly in a state of paralysis. Worrying about losing time, money, career status, possible future opportunity… I end up just being ‘safe’. I know this is wrong, I am looking back on the past 5 years of my life and what have I really accomplished? A few raises? I should state that those years have not been a total waste but they definitely were not ‘full’ or ‘lived’ if you know what I mean.

Can anyone relate to this? What did you do? I really need to stop worrying about tomorrow as long as I am doing God’s will today.

 

[Cruciferi]

I have found myself just existing. I have a career, home, all the other ‘life’ amenities… yet I find myself ‘stuck in the mud.’

Yup…

I am 37 and have no local friends

No friendly coworkers either?

there is a young adult group 20-40 that meet after a late Mass and I drove around the block three times but did not go in.

Attend the next meeting. You won’t know if it’s worth it until you go.

-I found a very very very cheap trip to a Caribbean island today, I have the money and vacation time, but I can’t seem to pull the trigger.

I wouldn’t go traveling alone either. Although a cruise might be enjoyable… You might also consider staying domestically and find a cozy Bed and Breakfast.

I am comfortable at my job

Ah, but do you love it? Or at the very least enjoy it?

I make a very good income but live alone and feel like I am wasting my thirties away.

Get your resume together and start applying for another job. Only leave if it’s better than what you currently have.

Fearing what the future may hold if I make the wrong choice. I am finding that it is keeping me from acting at all, constantly in a state of paralysis.

Have you considered seeing a Therapist?

I know this is wrong

How do you know that this is wrong? Are people telling you that it’s wrong? There’s certainly no sin in living conservatively or being cautious. However, if you’re not happy with your life consider seeing a therapist or even a certified life coach.

they definitely were not ‘full’ or ‘lived’ if you know what I mean.

Define “Full Lived”? What do you want out of life?

Can anyone relate to this?

Yes, I’m a County worker making decent money and I hate my job.

What did you do?

I’m definitely looking for other job opportunities.

 

[Irishmom2]

I agree with @Cruciferi, and would add that you need to keep a positive outlook. People can sense when others have a negative view. Positive people attract other positive people. If you want friends or a bf or gf, you have to be willing to put yourself out there even if you fail sometimes. Nothing will happen if you stay home.

 

[7_Sorrows]

Friends and family will not be around forever. How badly do you want to be close to them again?

There is the saying you never can go home again which I really don’t agree with. It is different.

Maybe you are fearing commitment. It is hard making friends in this day and age with people so attached to their cellphones and IPads.

Maybe try vounteering one day a week for your church or a food bank.

 

[Sunbreak]

Try doing something you like (a hiking group, a “fun” class, volunteer for something) and you will find other people who share your interest and could be potential friends. This is the kind of thing I did to meet people.