Romantic relationships and jealousy

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Crescentinus

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I have this really weird problem. There are times that whenever I find a beautiful real-life couple (as opposed to ones in drama, comedy or anime), I can’t help but feel jealous.
When I look at that type of couple, I feel empty.
Why?
They have each other. As for me, I am still single.
Am I wrong for being jealous of those people?
Sadly, this feeling returns to me no matter what I do. D:
 
Crescentinus said:
I have this really weird problem. There are times that whenever I find a beautiful real-life couple (as opposed to ones in drama, comedy or anime), I can’t help but feel jealous.
When I look at that type of couple, I feel empty.
Why?
They have each other. As for me, I am still single.
Am I wrong for being jealous of those people?
Click to expand...
You should listen to this, it’s very good advice from Dennis Prager. Listen to the first 5 mins. It deals with exactly what you’re going through.

Video Link

On a final note, I suggest you listen to the whole video because it’s really good! 🙂
 
Hey, what a great link. I am watching it now. I was going to say something similar to what Prager is saying, but he says it so well.
 
Crescentinus said:
I have this really weird problem. There are times that whenever I find a beautiful real-life couple (as opposed to ones in drama, comedy or anime), I can’t help but feel jealous.
When I look at that type of couple, I feel empty.
Why?
They have each other. As for me, I am still single.
Am I wrong for being jealous of those people?
Sadly, this feeling returns to me no matter what I do. D:
Click to expand...
spend some time in adoration and pray about your desire to be married. Pray for your future spouse as well as for yourself to become a good spouse. Learn to be content in all things.
Happiness begins now, being married will not make you any happier if you are not already.
Marriage is wonderful but there are a whole new set of challenges that come with it that you can’t see right now as a single. Use your time now to pray and serve others. Getting your mind off what you think you don’t have and focus on the many things you do have.
 
austenbosten said:
You should listen to this, it’s very good advice from Dennis Prager. Listen to the first 5 mins. It deals with exactly what you’re going through.

Video Link

On a final note, I suggest you listen to the whole video because it’s really good! 🙂
Click to expand...
The audio is not very loud when I try watching the video on my mom’s laptop. O:
 
Crescentinus said:
I have this really weird problem. There are times that whenever I find a beautiful real-life couple (as opposed to ones in drama, comedy or anime), I can’t help but feel jealous.
When I look at that type of couple, I feel empty.
Why?
They have each other. As for me, I am still single.
Am I wrong for being jealous of those people?
Sadly, this feeling returns to me no matter what I do. D:
Click to expand...
My computer won’t let me watch the video posted but I can understand where you are coming from. Sometimes it may even seem as if people are even flaunting their relationship in front of you too but they aren’t in most cases they are just so happy or preoccupied they forget how you might feel. I don’t think it’s wrong to be a little jealous…you wouldn’t be human if you weren’t. It’s when it leads to a preoccupation with what others have that it runs you into trouble. When this happens I try to focus on other things but no matter when you do a little bit of jealousy is always going to creep up on you so just bare with it and think of the positive. Say a prayer if that works.
 
Crescentinus said:
I have this really weird problem. There are times that whenever I find a beautiful real-life couple (as opposed to ones in drama, comedy or anime), I can’t help but feel jealous.
When I look at that type of couple, I feel empty.
Why?
They have each other. As for me, I am still single.
Am I wrong for being jealous of those people?
Sadly, this feeling returns to me no matter what I do. D:
Click to expand...
What you describe is envy, not jealousy (commonly confused). That being said I have felt this way from time to time as I am single as well. This feeling derives from our pride/lack of humility and the best way I’ve found to combat it is to pray for any such couple and realize that your envy is likely based in your admiration for said couple. You would like to have what they have and share, pray that God would form you so that you could have a relationship such as that in your future. Take what you like about them and work to apply it in your life.
 
Crescentinus said:
The audio is not very loud when I try watching the video on my mom’s laptop. O:
Click to expand...
Luvz2travel said:
My computer won’t let me watch the video posted but I can understand where you are coming from. Sometimes it may even seem as if people are even flaunting their relationship in front of you too but they aren’t in most cases they are just so happy or preoccupied they forget how you might feel. I don’t think it’s wrong to be a little jealous…you wouldn’t be human if you weren’t. It’s when it leads to a preoccupation with what others have that it runs you into trouble. When this happens I try to focus on other things but no matter when you do a little bit of jealousy is always going to creep up on you so just bare with it and think of the positive. Say a prayer if that works.
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If you two get the chance to properly listen to the lecture, I strongly urge you to.

What Dennis Prager is effectively saying is this,
“The happiest people I know, are people I don’t know that well.” When you are looking at a couple just remember you are only seeing a facade, you don’t know if they are happy or if they are just being happy in public. You don’t know perhaps the guy with the hot wife/gf actually has a lot of problems on his hands. Perhaps they are going through serious problems or perhaps they are both unfaithful to each other…the point is you don’t know and it’s foolish to think the other man’s grass is greener, until you actually step over into his lawn and discover it is astroturf.
Click to expand...
 
Kenny_Kamel said:
What you describe is envy, not jealousy (commonly confused). That being said I have felt this way from time to time as I am single as well. This feeling derives from our pride/lack of humility and the best way I’ve found to combat it is to pray for any such couple and realize that your envy is likely based in your admiration for said couple. You would like to have what they have and share, pray that God would form you so that you could have a relationship such as that in your future. Take what you like about them and work to apply it in your life.
Click to expand...
No, what he has is jealousy not envy. Envy is where you are fueled with hatred and your jealousy of someone drives you to wish they lacked it such as you.

Jealousy is when you are miserable of other’s fortune
Envy is when you are miserable of other’s fortune and you wish them to be as miserable as you.
 
I was often jealous when I saw a happy couple,until I realized that ever of this happy couples I meet(of curse I do not know what happened to couples I never saw again) broke up a few months later. Now I feel not very much anymore. Strange is that every successful relationship I know was already married a long time before I meet them.:eek:
 
austenbosten said:
No, what he has is jealousy not envy. Envy is where you are fueled with hatred and your jealousy of someone drives you to wish they lacked it such as you.

Jealousy is when you are miserable of other’s fortune
Envy is when you are miserable of other’s fortune and you wish them to be as miserable as you.
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Bishop Thomas John Paprocki of my Diocese recently gave an excellent homily on this very subject (jealousy vs. envy). The OP is coveting the kind of relationship they see other people having together (envy), not having a fear of being replaced when they don’t have anything to be replaced by or in (jealousy). I don’t know where you got your definitions from but I don’t find them proper in the most classic sense of the words.

From Websters.com:

Synonyms
  1. enviousness. Envy and jealousy are very close in meaning. Envy denotes a longing to possess something awarded to or achieved by another: to feel envy when a friend inherits a fortune. Jealousy, on the other hand, denotes a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that one more rightfully deserves: to feel jealousy when a coworker receives a promotion. Jealousy also refers to anguish caused by fear of unfaithfulness.
 
Kenny_Kamel said:
Bishop Thomas John Paprocki of my Diocese recently gave an excellent homily on this very subject (jealousy vs. envy). The OP is coveting the kind of relationship they see other people having together (envy), not having a fear of being replaced when they don’t have anything to be replaced by or in (jealousy). I don’t know where you got your definitions from but I don’t find them proper in the most classic sense of the words.

From Websters.com:

Synonyms
  1. enviousness. Envy and jealousy are very close in meaning. Envy denotes a longing to possess something awarded to or achieved by another: to feel envy when a friend inherits a fortune. Jealousy, on the other hand, denotes a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that one more rightfully deserves: to feel jealousy when a coworker receives a promotion. Jealousy also refers to anguish caused by fear of unfaithfulness.
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The Standford School of Philosophy and the works of Kant.

It’s not envy because nowhere has the OP held feelings of resentment over these couple’s relationships. What the OP really has is longing. To envy means to be in competition with one’s rival. If the OP had a relationship then surely his feelings of melancholy would go away. Envy however stays because envy involves a rival…there are no rivals for this OP.

What the OP has I would assume is longing
 
It’s never good to envy, because you don’t know what’s underneath the perfect couple. For example, I was so envious of this beautiful young woman and her baby girl across the street while I was pregnant and alone. Then my landlord told me of their drug/domestic abuse/anger problems with the dad. They ended up evicted.

I’m just saying— what’s in your head is not reality. It’s a fantasy. The jealousy may be seen as a good thing though, that your heart is open to a relationship. <3

Looking back, if I only would have minded my own business and prayed, and maybe formed a relationship around that rather than seeking one out.

Hope this helps. Sorry to hear of this.
Lily
 
austenbosten said:
The Standford School of Philosophy and the works of Kant.

It’s not envy because nowhere has the OP held feelings of resentment over these couple’s relationships. What the OP really has is longing. To envy means to be in competition with one’s rival. If the OP had a relationship then surely his feelings of melancholy would go away. Envy however stays because envy involves a rival…there are no rivals for this OP.

What the OP has I would assume is longing
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Yes, I have more of longing. O:
 
Crescentinus said:
I have this really weird problem. There are times that whenever I find a beautiful real-life couple (as opposed to ones in drama, comedy or anime), I can’t help but feel jealous.
When I look at that type of couple, I feel empty.
Why?
They have each other. As for me, I am still single.
Am I wrong for being jealous of those people?
Sadly, this feeling returns to me no matter what I do. D:
Click to expand...
Been there done that. I’m not setting myself as an example, only expressing solidarity. Try to be happy for them! Just pray that they are happy, that their love pleases God, that they have a peaceful life with themselves and children etc. Be happy with their happiness.

Plus, even if you’re miserable, you can be happy that someone else made it. In some cases you will (or already) help people achieve something you can’t achieve, and there’s some joy in supporting them like that (sort of like a coach that can’t play himself). With strangers, it’s not the same as if you were a teacher or parent or whoever else may have supported them, so you don’t have this precise type of joy, but you can be happy in a similar way like a non-winning teammate is for the winner. For the record, don’t think those people have it easy. They most likely don’t. 😉 There is a chance it cost them to get where they are.

As for yourself and your “fate”, concentrate on what makes you a good man, good husband, good father. Mature, sensible women pay a lot of attention to that. If not now, then in a couple of years for sure.
 
chevalier said:
Been there done that. I’m not setting myself as an example, only expressing solidarity. Try to be happy for them! Just pray that they are happy, that their love pleases God, that they have a peaceful life with themselves and children etc. Be happy with their happiness.

Plus, even if you’re miserable, you can be happy that someone else made it. In some cases you will (or already) help people achieve something you can’t achieve, and there’s some joy in supporting them like that (sort of like a coach that can’t play himself). With strangers, it’s not the same as if you were a teacher or parent or whoever else may have supported them, so you don’t have this precise type of joy, but you can be happy in a similar way like a non-winning teammate is for the winner. For the record, don’t think those people have it easy. They most likely don’t. 😉 There is a chance it cost them to get where they are.

As for yourself and your “fate”, concentrate on what makes you a good man, good husband, good father. Mature, sensible women pay a lot of attention to that. If not now, then in a couple of years for sure.
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Thanks. o:
 
Sorry to resurrect this forum, but I totally feel what you are going through. As a single 23 year old guy who’s never had a relationship I get so jealous when I hear about people my age and younger getting engaged and married. I really don’t know how to feel as well because besides jealousy I feel like it will never happen for me because I have so many issues (unemployed, can’t find work in spite of graduating with honors, overweight since childhood, have a temper, hard time socializing with people, think i’m not good enough for a girl, not very attractive).

Anyway, I liked Pragers talk, even though it’s tough. Lots of other people have pain like me even though many times I feel that they don’t. Maybe I need to start getting to know more people and find about their problems because too often I feel like i’m the only one who suffers, especially with the girlfriend thing.

God Bless.
 
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