Sacrament info needed:

  • Thread starter Thread starter jp1985
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

jp1985

Guest
Hello,

I am not quite sure if this is where the post should go or not so feel free to move it if necessary. Anyways here goes.

I was brought up in an Assembly of God (un baptised) but stopped attending around the age of 10. That was 16 yrs ago. I just recently started attending church again and for some reason had a calling to attend mass at the catholic church. This was all new and very stange to me but it felt right when I was there. I decided to start RCIA classes so that I could learn more about the faith and be confirmed in the church if I choose to do so later. I took my first class last night.

While there I received a paper that read… Things needed before receiving sacraments. The one that concerns me says Marriage: If you are a baptised catholic and married outside the church , or living with significant other you will need to enter into a sacramental union.

A little background on me: Currently my girlfriend resides with me. We do this for financial reasons and also because we have a son together. He is only 4 months old. She is not catholic nor has the want to become catholic. I also dont know if well ever get married. Our relationship is pretty rocky. I do know that if we were to get married she is opposed to getting married in catholic church. Although she is NOT opposed to getting our son baptised catholic (not sure if I can do that either). My question is this: Does this mean I am not able to complete the RCIA, be baptised, confirmed, and receive the sacraments because of my situation? Not being married, living together, and having a son? 🤷
 
Cohabitation is viewed in the Catholic church as a sin, and a mortal (bad) sin at that. That said, I don’t think it will have any bearing on your viability in coming in to the church. You should know, though, that you will probably be uncomfortable at times during certain homilies (sermons from priests/deacons in mass) and in other situations regarding the Catholic view of marriage and the fact that you are not sacramentally married. The church will not approve in any way your living with your girlfriend because you are not married to her. The church views this as very morally wrong.

I think it’s great that you want to become Catholic, and even better that there is a possibility (a possibility which would turn in to an obligation should you become Catholic yourself) that your son be baptized. However, I think you should figure out and rectify the situation between you and your girlfriend. If you get married after you become Catholic, you have an obligation to marry either in a Catholic church on Catholic terms, or you can request a dispensation (special exception) to this rule and marry elsewhere, but your wife must formally agree to support you in raising your son Catholic. If she does not, the church will not support or endorse the marriage, and without this endorsement, your marriage is null and void in the eyes of the church; essentially, it’s as if you’re not married and never actually married at all.

Marriage is not taken lightly in the church.
 
jp1985 said:
Hello,

I am not quite sure if this is where the post should go or not so feel free to move it if necessary. Anyways here goes.

I was brought up in an Assembly of God (un baptised) but stopped attending around the age of 10. That was 16 yrs ago. I just recently started attending church again and for some reason had a calling to attend mass at the catholic church. This was all new and very stange to me but it felt right when I was there. I decided to start RCIA classes so that I could learn more about the faith and be confirmed in the church if I choose to do so later. I took my first class last night.

While there I received a paper that read… Things needed before receiving sacraments. The one that concerns me says Marriage: If you are a baptised catholic and married outside the church , or living with significant other you will need to enter into a sacramental union.

A little background on me: Currently my girlfriend resides with me. We do this for financial reasons and also because we have a son together. He is only 4 months old. She is not catholic nor has the want to become catholic. I also dont know if well ever get married. Our relationship is pretty rocky. I do know that if we were to get married she is opposed to getting married in catholic church. Although she is NOT opposed to getting our son baptised catholic (not sure if I can do that either). My question is this: Does this mean I am not able to complete the RCIA, be baptised, confirmed, and receive the sacraments because of my situation? Not being married, living together, and having a son? 🤷
Click to expand...
Poor kid, he must be baptized. jesus said: “if you do not become like kids…”

As for your girlfriend marrying in a Catholic Church, I use to say that mine is the tactics of the elephant: he just leans on the tree and slowly, the tree eventually falls to earth. With patience and much love, she will go there. See, first of all, what is her trauma against the RCC. then, slowly, try to figure out how to win over her objections one by one, like Julius Caesar said: “Divide et vinces” - Divide and you will win. One objection at a time.

Come to CAF and ask for help in the objections. There are people here, better than me, to answer with infinite patience to your queries.

You are in the good way. You are motivated, you want to improve your situation, you want to come closer to God, you have a long term objective. God will help you.

For me,anytime according to my calendar, here, by private post or email.

God Bless your Son and your family.
 
jp1985 said:
My question is this: Does this mean I am not able to complete the RCIA, be baptised, confirmed, and receive the sacraments because of my situation? Not being married, living together, and having a son? 🤷
Click to expand...
This is something you need to discuss with your priest. It is a pastoral situation, there isn’t anything black and white in this. You have a young child and are residing in the same house as the mother even though you two are not having relations any longer. This is something you need to explain to the priest and ask for guidance on.

Ultimately, you can’t continue on this way forever regardless of your desire to join the Church, it just isn’t practical or healthy for anyone to be in such a situation. Work on your relationship with the mother of your child. If you both believe you can enter into a lifelong, loving marriage then do so. If you can’t, then you will eventually have to separate.

Until you enter the Church you are not bound by her laws on marriage. You could marry civilly before becoming a Catholic and that marriage would be valid. You could also wait until you are a Catholic. If she absolutely doesn’t want to marry in the Catholic form, it is possible for you to obtain a dispensation from form and still marry validly. You would still need to complete all the Catholic marriage preparation together.

I urge you not to get married if, as you describe it, your relationship is very rocky. You need to work that out and not rush in to anything. But, eventually you do need to resolve things one way or the other.

Ultimately, no, you do not have an impediment to entering the Church. You just have a lot of decisions to make. The priest can help guide you.
 
Thanks for the responses all. As for living together I dont know what you mean by the church views this as a mortal sin. I could be wrong but Ive never read anywhere in the bible that says cohabitation is a mortal sin. It says sex outside of wedlock is wrong. We WERE guilty as charged there. If I am given the opportunity to be baptized and admitted into the catholic way of life that will of course change. I dont plan on living like this forever and am going to work on a solution. But the question was merely CAN i complete the RCIA and receive sacraments even though I have sinned by not being married and having a son. Or do we HAVE to get married first before I can complete?

Also what did the second reply mean by poor kid? Did you mean me or my son? My son was born outside of wedlock but he is completely taken care of, happy, healthy, and I am trying to change and raise him in the right way. I believe God gave us him in order to give me reason to straighten my life out and bring me closer to God. It worked. The reason me and his mother reside together is as I said for financial reasons and for him. I support them both as I should be doing. I dont see that as wrong either…but I have been wrong before.
 
jp1985 said:
But the question was merely CAN i complete the RCIA and receive sacraments even though I have sinned by not being married and having a son.
Click to expand...
I answered this. You do not have any impediment to the sacraments. Perhaps my language wasn’t clear. Having a child out of wedlock does not prevent you from being receiving into the Church.
jp1985 said:
Or do we HAVE to get married first before I can complete?
Click to expand...
No. You don’t have to get married to her at all. The Church would advise against it since you say that the relationship is “rocky.”

What you will need to do is sit down with the priest and explain your situation. Living together without being married does present some problems, even if you are not having sexual relations. There are the temptations it presents as well as the scandal to others it can create. Again, nothing insurmountable. Just things you need to talk to your priest about and explain.
 
Thanks very much for making that clearer 1KE. My first response was more for the other replys I got not yours. You answered my question! I was just confused by the paper the church gave me.

God bless.👍
 
jp1985 said:
Thanks very much for making that clearer 1KE. My first response was more for the other replys I got not yours. You answered my question! I was just confused by the paper the church gave me.

God bless.👍
Click to expand...
Well, consider that 99.999% of people who are “living together” are not in your situation but are, rather, having sexual relations and in a sinful state of cohabitation. The Chuch isn’t talking about roommate situations, since that is not the normal meaing of “living together” in this day and age.
 
jp1985 said:
er). My question is this: Does this mean I am not able to complete the RCIA, be baptised, confirmed, and receive the sacraments because of my situation? Not being married, living together, and having a son?
Click to expand...
It means you need to speak to the priest or deacon about your personal situation. It is not something that should be discussed in the classroom setting. Your intitial interview with the RCIA director should have asked basic questions about your marital status, but the notice you received is to let you and everyone in the class know that you cannot receive sacraments of the Catholic Church if your living in any situation that would be objectively sinful for a Catholic–unless or until you rectify that situation. Since there are dozens of possibilities and dozens of variables, they cannot cover everything. So they give you a heads up so you know it is your responsibility to discuss your status with the priest.

Most people continue their preparation classes while they are working on resolving marriage issues. there is no way to give you pertinant advice here since there are so many variables.

No, this represents a pathway to grace, not a barrier

welcome home
 
Again thanks for all the replys. I spoke to the RCIA director about this, the deacon, and marriage counselor. They recommended I continue and do not have to be married in order to complete the course and become in full commision with the church. Although they recommend we live as brother and sister until/if we get married. I also prayed alot about it. The next day my girlfriend decided she would come to RCIA with me and did so. Then started reading the bible I got her and is attending mass with me this sunday. She says if it is this important to me then its important for her to live as one and raise our child the right way. So now we are both on our way to better things and I am excited to see what God will bring to us next. :signofcross:
 
jp1985 said:
Again thanks for all the replys. I spoke to the RCIA director about this, the deacon, and marriage counselor. They recommended I continue and do not have to be married in order to complete the course and become in full commision with the church. Although they recommend we live as brother and sister until/if we get married. I also prayed alot about it. The next day my girlfriend decided she would come to RCIA with me and did so. Then started reading the bible I got her and is attending mass with me this sunday. She says if it is this important to me then its important for her to live as one and raise our child the right way. So now we are both on our way to better things and I am excited to see what God will bring to us next. :signofcross:
Click to expand...
👍
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top