Same Sex Attractions or Pride/envy?

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ddimitro

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I am strongly considering entering Seminary next year, and while carefully striving to live under Christian perfection, this question has come up in my mind.

As a single, 23-year old, blessed with good looks (so i’m told), I often find that I notice other attractive guys. It’s not that I have this burning passion to commit sin with him; rather, it seems i’m looking/staring more to make a comparison between me and him. Perhaps my single biggest vice, and it’s so shameful, I know.

In any case, am I being scrupulous in thinking that perhaps it’s same sex attraction, or is it more my pride and envy towards any other that society (or me) might perceive as good-looking?

In any case, it’s sin, and must be uprooted. I just think the path to destroy it is different depending on what is actually causing my thoughts.

God Bless,
David
 
ddimitro,

You and your confessor are the only ones that can arrive at an answer to your problem. I am not a psychologist and can provide only what little insight that I have from my own life experiences and observations. Unless you feel an attraction toward men that replaces or is interchangeable with the normal attraction men have for women, then your problem is not one of homosexuality.

Pride is the most likely culprit as you already seem to suspect. We all suffer from pride and it is the root of many sins. Everybody has a weakness toward comparing themselves with others. Since you are apparently handsome it is natural for you to compare your looks with those of other men. The intellectual compares himself with other intellectuals, atheletes compare their atheletic prowess to that of their competitors, and the wealthy compare their assets to those in their social circle. You can look at any human activity or human quality and find people measuring others against themselves.

You are of course on the right track in your interest to root out this problem within you. I would suggest prayer, fasting, and spiritual direction. Since you are interested in entering a Seminary and may have a calling to the priesthood, it is essential that you conquer this area in your life. Handsome priests carry a double burden. Pride in their looks or any other personal aspect will be played upon by Satan, and some women find handsome priests to be very attractive. The temptations and opportunities are bound to occur and vigilance and self control must be in the forefront of your mind. The problem you are dealing with may be potentially more profound and dangerous than you know. The fact that you are concerned and aware of it is a great blessing and gift from God. He is alerting you to it now, so as to make you a better man and priest tomorrow.

God Bless; you are in my prayers.
 
As a single, 23-year old, blessed with good looks (so i’m told), I often find that I notice other attractive guys. It’s not that I have this burning passion to commit sin with him; rather, it seems i’m looking/staring more to make a comparison between me and him. Perhaps my single biggest vice, and it’s so shameful, I know.
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Try to remember we all get old and ugly. This whole focus on looks seems rooted in ego and does it realy matter? You asked in your thread title if it’s same sex attraction or pride/envy. Yet in your narrative you said that you don’t have a burning passion to be with a guy. I think you need to ask the Lord to show you the truth of your heart. Be it envy or same sex attraction I would work it all out before seminary.

-D
 
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ddimitro:
I am strongly considering entering Seminary next year, and while carefully striving to live under Christian perfection, this question has come up in my mind.

As a single, 23-year old, blessed with good looks (so i’m told), I often find that I notice other attractive guys. It’s not that I have this burning passion to commit sin with him; rather, it seems i’m looking/staring more to make a comparison between me and him. Perhaps my single biggest vice, and it’s so shameful, I know.

In any case, am I being scrupulous in thinking that perhaps it’s same sex attraction, or is it more my pride and envy towards any other that society (or me) might perceive as good-looking?

In any case, it’s sin, and must be uprooted. I just think the path to destroy it is different depending on what is actually causing my thoughts.

God Bless,
David
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Dave, God bless you for considering the seminary.

My problem with you question is the lack of insight it reflects. It does not sound like the kind of insight that can successfully deal with the sexual confusion in our seminaries and within the orders and secular priesthood in our Dioceses.

Have you “tested” your vocation with years of dating? In other words, are you interested in the priesthood, and in “marrying” your Church, despite a well-grounded self-knowledge of your role in this world as a male?

I was shy as a young man, and at 23 would have joined the priesthood with zero personal insight.
 
As someone who in the past has been asked to serve on seminary committees evaluating candidates and seminarians on their progress, I am troubled by two aspects of your question: immaturity and scrupulosity.

Immaturity can be cured by time, study, prayer and reflection. The trouble with scrupulosity is that it causes you to focus on the minor sins and failings to the point of obessesion, while ignoring the grave sins. You need a competent spiritual director during the entire process of discerning your vocation, and would benefit right now from a directed Ignatian retreat, the entire 30 days. You are not there yet, my dear young friend, but we are praying that you continue on the path to which God is calling you.
 
Thank you all for an already good start to my post!

At the risk of sounding defensive, I’ll just say that I believe I have more personal insight into this question that I elaborated on; in fact, to have qualified the post with the OR (SSA --OR-- pride/envy) means I’ve carefully spent time seeing what tends to go through my mind, what triggers it, etc. I posted mainly to understand whether or not I was fooling myself. As others said, the devil uses instances like this to really bring someone down.

Vocation-wise, the discernment process certainly doesn’t end once you enter Seminary; in fact, it really begins full force only then! In any case, I continue to pray about my vocation, and the Holy Spirit will continue to guide me in that area of life.

I will pray before the Blessed Sacrament this morning, grateful of all of your help and the posts to come, as well as additional help to batter pride!

David
 
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puzzleannie:
As someone who in the past has been asked to serve on seminary committees evaluating candidates and seminarians on their progress, I am troubled by two aspects of your question: immaturity and scrupulosity.

Hi: I didn’t see your post when I wrote my response. Is the immaturity, in your opinion, rooted in the fact that I care so much about me in comparison to those around me? Or what do you see? Again, not asking from a defensive standpoint, but merely to make sure I am attacking the true problem.

Thank you.
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I would not offer this comment if you did not ask for it specifically, but one sign of immaturity in your post is the focus on your own appearance, feelings, etc., this narcissism is typical of younger adolescence and at your age you should be beyond it. I stand by the rest of my advice. Get spiritual direction.
 
The tempting ideas May be overcome with a Love for scripture explanations, books and meditations about Christ from pure sources like www.EWTN.com.

The love is a gift you can ask Christ for, or find a great director to teach you.

MY personal opinion is:
Love for men to serve and help them become pure souls is the right use of same sex attractions, but if it ever becomes lustful then both souls are damaged.

John
 
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