Saved from RCIA cold feet

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I was raised in a committed Baptist home. But I was attracted to Catholicism my whole life. Living in Oklahoma, I have very little exposure to the Catholic faith. And most of what I heard was negative. But I was still feeling that drumbeat of fascination with the Catholic Church. When I was in my late 20s (back in 1989), I decided to join RCIA. All was going well until the Easter Vigil approached. I met with the RCIA director, and I told her that I felt like a complete fraud and that I didn’t even belong in the Catholic Church. I don’t know what exactly she told me that convinced me to see it through. But I did. And now, decades later, I am indelibly Catholic. I find that episode so puzzling. But I’m glad I was prayed through that episode. I don’t know whether I would have ever returned.

I wonder how many people we lose to cold feet – and what we do to keep them aboard.
 
wow! Thanks for sharing that. I am a cradle Catholic who fell away from the Church through sin. I yearned to return but “cold feet” kept me away from the confessional and the Eucharist. In all the years I was away from the church, not one person ever spoke to me about returning. When I think of that, I make a conscious effort to be an encouragement for those who, like me, left the church and are lost like I was. I love Christ’s Church and do everything I can on a daily basis to stay close to Him through prayer, Bible study, daily Mass as often as I possibly can, etc. Being lost and scared to come home is very sad, so be a light for others, too.🙂
 
Only from my experience would I say at least this:

1.When someone comes to the parish asking to join, follow up as soon as possible; four months seems highly doubtful as being as soon as possible.

2.No one associated with the process of RCIA should in any way shape and/or form disparage the current faith of the RCIA hopeful.
  1. If, unfortunately, the RCIA hopeful changes his/her mind, someone from the RCIA team should get an exit interview to understand why. This would benefit both; the parish, to know how it can (name removed by moderator)rove the process, if needed, or to help that person discern without pressure; the hopeful, to better understand his/her own doubts.
  2. Respect and show compassion to the RCIA-er. This includes their spirituality/doubts, their abilities, or inabilities to understand the classes. Also, keep them informed of classes, i.e., when, where, changes, cancellations. Show care that the hopeful has made a wonderful decision by keeping somewhat in contact with him/her. Pastoral care to the hopeful would be fantabulous!
Again, this was just my experience.
I am a big fan of the Catholic Church.
These were most of the reasons that had me fleeing, not from the Catholic faith, but this particular parish. Four months is not reasonable. The Bishop’s office should not need to intervene to return calls and suggest that an RCIA class be offered. Twice. My inherited faith was greatly disparaged.
And no contact after many attempts to get answers as to when the following class year would start again. None.

No RCIA-er should be made to feel as if Jesus says Yes and the parish says No.

Please know that I completely understand that this situation was highly irregular.

But should it happen even once?
I can’t help but feel No. I can’t help but feel that the parish should wonder why I fled. I am but one. But when the average number of catechumins/candidates per year is 3 in a fairly large city church, I should think they’d wonder what’s wrong and how they could evangelize to receive more into the Church that still has my attention.
 
cheezey said:
Only from my experience would I say at least this:

1.When someone comes to the parish asking to join, follow up as soon as possible; four months seems highly doubtful as being as soon as possible.

2.No one associated with the process of RCIA should in any way shape and/or form disparage the current faith of the RCIA hopeful.
  1. If, unfortunately, the RCIA hopeful changes his/her mind, someone from the RCIA team should get an exit interview to understand why. This would benefit both; the parish, to know how it can (name removed by moderator)rove the process, if needed, or to help that person discern without pressure; the hopeful, to better understand his/her own doubts.
  2. Respect and show compassion to the RCIA-er. This includes their spirituality/doubts, their abilities, or inabilities to understand the classes. Also, keep them informed of classes, i.e., when, where, changes, cancellations. Show care that the hopeful has made a wonderful decision by keeping somewhat in contact with him/her. Pastoral care to the hopeful would be fantabulous!
Again, this was just my experience.
I am a big fan of the Catholic Church.
These were most of the reasons that had me fleeing, not from the Catholic faith, but this particular parish. Four months is not reasonable. The Bishop’s office should not need to intervene to return calls and suggest that an RCIA class be offered. Twice. My inherited faith was greatly disparaged.
And no contact after many attempts to get answers as to when the following class year would start again. None.

No RCIA-er should be made to feel as if Jesus says Yes and the parish says No.

Please know that I completely understand that this situation was highly irregular.

But should it happen even once?
I can’t help but feel No. I can’t help but feel that the parish should wonder why I fled. I am but one. But when the average number of catechumins/candidates per year is 3 in a fairly large city church, I should think they’d wonder what’s wrong and how they could evangelize to receive more into the Church that still has my attention.
Click to expand...
My experience was very interesting because upon moving into my new apartment from out of state, I got a mailer inviting non-Catholics to the local parish. I was thrilled. I felt as if God Himself had heard my prayers and shown me the way. I called the parish and got a call back within minutes from the RCIA director. She was an amazing woman – filled with enthusiasm for the Church and all who would be a part of it.

I think we must have had about 10 people in our program.

I’m sorry you went through such a rough time. I hope you eventually found a place to settle down spiritually.

God bless.
 
njlisa said:
My experience was very interesting because upon moving into my new apartment from out of state, I got a mailer inviting non-Catholics to the local parish. I was thrilled. I felt as if God Himself had heard my prayers and shown me the way. I called the parish and got a call back within minutes from the RCIA director. She was an amazing woman – filled with enthusiasm for the Church and all who would be a part of it.

I think we must have had about 10 people in our program.

I’m sorry you went through such a rough time. I hope you eventually found a place to settle down spiritually.

God bless.
Click to expand...
Now THAT’S a fabulous idea!!!
And thankyou. I did.
And I am still a fan of the Catholic Church. 😉
 
I really wish that the RCIA catechumens & candidates were clearly told at the beginning that this is a process that takes as long as it takes and that not everyone will be ready at the same time. That is one of the worse things about the school model RCIA, this expectation that you start in September or October and everyone graduates in March or April simply ignores individual journeys to conversion.
 
Phemie said:
I really wish that the RCIA catechumens & candidates were clearly told at the beginning that this is a process that takes as long as it takes and that not everyone will be ready at the same time. That is one of the worse things about the school model RCIA, this expectation that you start in September or October and everyone graduates in March or April simply ignores individual journeys to conversion.
Click to expand...
True! I was told whether I was ready or not, it would be done at Easter.
I can’t tell you how terribly wrong that seemed, but how could I know? No precedence.
 
njlisa said:
I was raised in a committed Baptist home. But I was attracted to Catholicism my whole life. Living in Oklahoma, I have very little exposure to the Catholic faith. And most of what I heard was negative. But I was still feeling that drumbeat of fascination with the Catholic Church. When I was in my late 20s (back in 1989), I decided to join RCIA. All was going well until the Easter Vigil approached. I met with the RCIA director, and I told her that I felt like a complete fraud and that I didn’t even belong in the Catholic Church. I don’t know what exactly she told me that convinced me to see it through. But I did. And now, decades later, I am indelibly Catholic. I find that episode so puzzling. But I’m glad I was prayed through that episode. I don’t know whether I would have ever returned.

I wonder how many people we lose to cold feet – and what we do to keep them aboard.
Click to expand...
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give them guidance & direction.
 
njlisa said:
Wow!
Click to expand...
Yup.
“What does it matter? It’s a journey for life, sooooooooo…”
Of course, the same priest told me I was flat out wrong that St John of the Cross and Therese of Lisieux are doctors of the Church.
Though I knew that to be 100% correct, I curteously stated the fact in a “Fairly sure” sort of way. ( I am not a rude person. 😃 )

While I don’t expect priests to be perfect or remember everything, I wouldn’t expect a priest to flat out tell me I was wrong, either. He should have at least considered that I just might be right. Especially after telling me that in uncommon cases, some people can bypass RCIA.
 
njlisa said:
My experience was very interesting because upon moving into my new apartment from out of state, I got a mailer inviting non-Catholics to the local parish. I was thrilled. I felt as if God Himself had heard my prayers and shown me the way. **I called the parish and got a call back within minutes from the RCIA director. She was an amazing woman – filled with enthusiasm for the Church and all who would be a part of it. **

I think we must have had about 10 people in our program.

I’m sorry you went through such a rough time. I hope you eventually found a place to settle down spiritually.

God bless.
Click to expand...
THIS is who should be in charge of RCIA, those looking to serve the living God, not themselves.
 
cheezey said:
Only from my experience would I say at least this:

1.When someone comes to the parish asking to join, follow up as soon as possible; four months seems highly doubtful as being as soon as possible.

2.No one associated with the process of RCIA should in any way shape and/or form disparage the current faith of the RCIA hopeful.
  1. If, unfortunately, the RCIA hopeful changes his/her mind, someone from the RCIA team should get an exit interview to understand why. This would benefit both; the parish, to know how it can (name removed by moderator)rove the process, if needed, or to help that person discern without pressure; the hopeful, to better understand his/her own doubts.
  2. Respect and show compassion to the RCIA-er. This includes their spirituality/doubts, their abilities, or inabilities to understand the classes. Also, keep them informed of classes, i.e., when, where, changes, cancellations. Show care that the hopeful has made a wonderful decision by keeping somewhat in contact with him/her. Pastoral care to the hopeful would be fantabulous!
Again, this was just my experience.
I am a big fan of the Catholic Church.

SNIP

No RCIA-er should be made to feel as if Jesus says Yes and the parish says No.

Please know that I completely understand that this situation was highly irregular.

But should it happen even once?
I can’t help but feel No. I can’t help but feel that the parish should wonder why I fled. I am but one. But when the average number of catechumins/candidates per year is 3 in a fairly large city church, I should think they’d wonder what’s wrong and how they could evangelize to receive more into the Church that still has my attention.
Click to expand...
I love all those suggestions. I wish the situation you described were highly irregular but since I experienced much of the same, I hate to say that it is a plague that is festering in larger parishes. Its so insidious that though I still wish to be part of the Roman Catholic church (I am of hispanic descent) I am not. It is my cross to bear, listening to a foreign language but I love everything else about my particular Catholic parish. This is where God opened the doors for me.
 
Casilda said:
I love all those suggestions. I wish the situation you described were highly irregular but since I experienced much of the same, I hate to say that it is a plague that is festering in larger parishes. Its so insidious that though I still wish to be part of the Roman Catholic church (I am of hispanic descent) I am not. It is my cross to bear, listening to a foreign language but I love everything else about my particular Catholic parish. This is where God opened the doors for me.
Click to expand...
:console:
 
So glad to have you in the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church founded by Christ our Saviour.
 
I’m actually having cold feet.
I’ve been attempting to enter the catholic church for 2 years now. one parish makes me feel rushed and I haven’t returned in a year. another completely ignores me or makes me feel not wanted(like “who are you and what are you doing here”) another is SSPX and I have heard a lot of negatives concerning them but they are willing to be patient with me.
my biggest problem is I’m literally totally alone concerning my decision. plus I’m a single mother of a 7 year old(she has not been baptised yet)
oh and btw, I’m an ex muslim
 
sarinabets said:
I’m actually having cold feet.
I’ve been attempting to enter the catholic church for 2 years now. one parish makes me feel rushed and I haven’t returned in a year. another completely ignores me or makes me feel not wanted(like “who are you and what are you doing here”) another is SSPX and I have heard a lot of negatives concerning them but they are willing to be patient with me.
my biggest problem is I’m literally totally alone concerning my decision. plus I’m a single mother of a 7 year old(she has not been baptised yet)
oh and btw, I’m an ex muslim
Click to expand...
:hug1:

I don’t know what to say. My daughter went through when she was 8. I just went through, two years later. Hang in there! Prayers for you.
 
sarinabets -

The best RCIA class for you is the one you actually attend.

I wouldn’t be too thrilled about SSPX, but if worst comes to worst, they can validly Baptize you. They can also give you valid First Communion. (But I don’t know that they can validly or legitimately Confirm you, and an adult would normally receive all three sacraments at once.)

However… sometimes people confuse the FSSP with the SSPX. If your town has an FSSP parish, that’s totally legit.

But seriously, the best RCIA class is the one you actually attend.

And don’t feel afraid to talk to the RCIA people about your concerns, like feeling lonely or out of place. A lot of times, they know friendly people who can take you under their wing and introduce you to everybody. Some Catholics are afraid to be too pushy about introducing themselves and making friends, because it scares some people off. So you will probably find them very friendly if they get an excuse!
 
DakiniArtist said:
What’s SSPX and FSSP???

🤷

Thanks!

🙂
Click to expand...
SSPX - Society of Saint Pius X. A group founded in 1970 in reaction to the decrees of Vatican II which it didn’t accept. They only celebrate the Tridentine Mass, originally calling the “Novus Ordo” Mass invalid. They have no canonical status in the Church so they cannot validly celebrate the sacraments of Reconciliation (except for someone in danger of death) and Marriage. In 1988 the founder, Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre, ordained four bishops in direct violation of the Pope’s orders. They were declared excommunicated.

FSSP -Priestly Fraternity of Saint Peter (in Latin *Fraternitas Sacerdotalis Sancti Petri), *a Fraternity whose charism is to offer the Mass and other sacraments according to the Roman Rite as it existed before the liturgical reforms that followed the Second Vatican Council. They are in Communion with Rome. It’s founders had once been in the SSPX but did not want to follow that group into schism and possible excommunication. They formed a new group which Pope John Paul II erected as a clerical society of Apostolic Life with Pontifical Right in 1988.
 
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