Saying goodbye 2 an unequally yoked friend

[PelagiathePenit]

Forgetting a former boyfriend and his beliefs? Dated a Christian boy, had him involved in my life for 4 yrs. He is good guy. Everytime we parted, he would fornicate with one of his so-called female friends. He even after our"break" slept with my so-called friend/neighbor. He tried to hide the ordeal from me. I need 2 forget him completely & his point-of-view. I thought we could hold ourselves accountable. He corrected me when I needed 2 B corrected. He always rationalized his fornication & selfishness. He was a smart man - he never worried or committed sins that would backfire on him. None of his sins seems to effect him. He stirred up drama between me & my friends after sleeping with 1 of them. He was against judging others, jealousy, envy, not forgiving others, not mingling with sinners, gossip, etc. He provided reasonable arguments 4 all the sins he strongly disagreed with. He is awesome man apart from this. Sometimes I do wonder what good is to wait 4 the man God wants u 2 b w/. He had many points about y church attendance is not necessary, premarital sex, praying often (we can do things ourselves and God hates repetition), confession. He was very realistic about the world. I question whether the Church is realistic and if it possible 2 become a saint. Does God become upset with consenting adults 4 having sex with their boyfriend? I still wonder why the CC has all these rules & regulations? If ur sins do not effect on U or U lose no sleep over them, I wonder if they are still real. I also wonder if I will ever find a guy if I choose 2 save myself. A man in 20s in interested in sex,sex, sex. Compared 2 him, I feel so sheltered and stupid. I no religion is not 4 comfort. I sometimes worry about his soul - I had a vision of him in purgatory. It hurts letting him go, he is a childhood friend.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

I do not want 2 let a boy get in the way of my love of God.

 

[vsedriver]

I do not want 2 let a boy get in the way of my love of God.

drop him. He is not interested in what is best for you only in what is best for him. He is so not worth all that emotional drama and baggage. If he can justify fornication he will justify any sin if it suits him.

Is this what you would want as a role model for your future children? There are so many more fish in the sea. Put your full trust in God and yes, he will give you what you need. It is so worth doing it God’s way which is what the Church teaches.

A chaste woman has no regrets.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

I think you need to worry about your own soul first. Living by the 10 Commandments is a pretty good start. If you don’t make the attempt to live according to the precepts of the Church you can not expect to make any rational or moral choices for yourself or your boyfriend. Your post sounds very confused: it is not acceptable for your boyfriend to sin, but OK for you. While you may think you have the moral upper hand, please go back and read your own post. I will pray for you. Peace.

 

[Mummsie]

I can imagine how difficult this time must be for you. But, it sounds like it’s the best decision for you, your soul, and your future.

I really don’t think the Catholic Church is being unrealistic. Are the 10 commandments unrealistic? I know it’s challenging in today’s world with the “do what feels good as long as you don’t hurt anyone”. But sin does hurt us. It begins the separation from God. Pre-marital sex has a lot of down sides to it…pregnancy, disease, loss of innocence, and no guarantees or commitment to marriage. I have also heard that for a woman when she has sex for the first time, there is a life long connection to that man. Wouldn’t you want that man to be your husband?

I’m praying for you. Please pray for me.

God Bless You.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

I think you need to worry about your own soul first. Living by the 10 Commandments is a pretty good start. If you don’t make the attempt to live according to the precepts of the Church you can not expect to make any rational or moral choices for yourself or your boyfriend. Your post sounds very confused: it is not acceptable for your boyfriend to sin, but OK for you. While you may think you have the moral upper hand, please go back and read your own post. I will pray for you. Peace.

U r right. I need 2 worry about my own soul. I did not say it was ok 4 me 2 sin. I do agree I may think I have a moral upper hand which is wrong. I do not understand the rest of what u r saying though.

 

[Lou2U]

No, he isn’t an “awesome guy”. He is a liar and a manipulator.

Think about it. He has sex with other people, denies it, breaks up friendships and has no respect for your faith. Why would you want to give yourself to him?

He is manipulating you into sleeping with him, and he is manipulating you into believing your faith is wrong because he can’t take advantage of you from it.

There are men who don’t think about sex all the time. If you don’t want to have sex, you need to uphold this for yourself, and you need to have self control about shutting a situation down when it is too intimate. If you don’t want to have sex, it needs to come from you, and you need to be strong enough in your faith to stick to it.

Your beliefs are worth something. They matter, and you shouldn’t feel otherwise. This man is creating doubts in your mind (like he created problems in your friendship) because he doesn’t benefit from them. Catholicism says no sex before marriage, and he disagrees with this - why? Because it means he can’t use you like he uses others.

Please go and talk to your Priest over confusions about your faith, he will be able to explain better than on a forum.

Lou

 

[Gliggle]

He is a silver tongued devil. Run very far from this man. He will only bring suffering, and it will not be worth it, he offers only dust for your beautiful soul that God loves.

 

[crystal_waters]

He sounds awful…why would you even class him as a friend when all he has done is hurt you by sleeping with others including your friends …and how can he call himself christian and then try and rationalize why he can commit sins and why he doesn’t need to pray often (as he can do things himself)…all he will do is lead you into sin after sin if you hang around him…and you may even start believing his way of thinking and fall away from the church…pray for his conversion but let him go…

 

[pianistclare]

I only got a few sentences into your long post.
My advice is to ditch. Now. No justification needed.
Ditch him.

 

[jaimeleglise]

He is not worth goingto hell for, plus he will make your life on earth a living hell. If you need more clarification and guidance than we can offer online, by all means see a priest. There has got to be some good Catholic men at your local youth group, volunteer place or try Catholic Match online. Members post on their profile their beliefs about chastity and marriage, so you know who you are meeting.

Interesting how he picks and chooses for himself what he calls sins and what he doesn’t call sins.

 

[EmlynJones]

I see that you have already received some very good advice as to how to react as a Christian.

I have a suggestion. Consider this:

1. God instituted marriage. (Genesis)
2. He “brought the woman to the man.” (Read that again.)

So…

1. I suggest that you began to pray regularly along these lines:

“Father in Heaven, if it be Thy will for me to marry, would you please bring me into
the life of the man You have for me? I put my trust in You in this very important matter in my life, for I know you love me and want what is best for me. Behold, the handmaiden of the Lord.”

I would think that you would find that what God has in mind for you is more wonderful than anything you could find for yourself.

Emlyn

 

[thistle]

Forgetting a former boyfriend and his beliefs? Dated a Christian boy, had him involved in my life for 4 yrs. He is good guy. Everytime we parted, he would fornicate with one of his so-called female friends. He even after our"break" slept with my so-called friend/neighbor. He tried to hide the ordeal from me. I need 2 forget him completely & his point-of-view. I thought we could hold ourselves accountable. He corrected me when I needed 2 B corrected. He always rationalized his fornication & selfishness. He was a smart man - he never worried or committed sins that would backfire on him. None of his sins seems to effect him. He stirred up drama between me & my friends after sleeping with 1 of them. He was against judging others, jealousy, envy, not forgiving others, not mingling with sinners, gossip, etc. He provided reasonable arguments 4 all the sins he strongly disagreed with. He is awesome man apart from this. Sometimes I do wonder what good is to wait 4 the man God wants u 2 b w/. He had many points about y church attendance is not necessary, premarital sex, praying often (we can do things ourselves and God hates repetition), confession. He was very realistic about the world. I question whether the Church is realistic and if it possible 2 become a saint. Does God become upset with consenting adults 4 having sex with their boyfriend? I still wonder why the CC has all these rules & regulations? If ur sins do not effect on U or U lose no sleep over them, I wonder if they are still real. I also wonder if I will ever find a guy if I choose 2 save myself. A man in 20s in interested in sex,sex, sex. Compared 2 him, I feel so sheltered and stupid. I no religion is not 4 comfort. I sometimes worry about his soul - I had a vision of him in purgatory. It hurts letting him go, he is a childhood friend.

I can’t believe you tell us all that and still believe he is awesome. He is not awesome. Drop him and walk away without looking back.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

You say he’s a great man other than this particular flaw…?

From what you’ve written, he sounds like a horrible man. Being intelligent is not enough to make someone a good man. This person doesn’t sound like dating / marriage material, quite the opposite. You need to get rid of this man, period. He is not worth the time or attention a woman such as yourself who is trying to live according to God’s laws.

I’m sorry, but people like this simply do not change. Until they’re willing to stop rationalize and actually let God into their hearts, they will never change, and you shouldn’t be expected to wait around waiting for them to change.

Ditch him, and find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve, and who doesn’t try to get you to have sex or go have sex with random women. All the rationalizations in the world won’t help him on judgement day; only repentance can do that. Pray for him, but get him out of your life for good.

As a man who dated a female counterpart to this type of person, I can say with absolute certainty that I am infinitely better off without her in my life; just as you will be infinitely better off without this man in your life.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

MayB when I stop liking him I will C him differently. He does have me wondering if the CC (Catholic Church) is unrealistic in this world. Most people do not follow all the rules & principles & God is merciful. I cannot imagine condemnation. Is it really so bad 2 do things ur own way or 2 have sex with ur boyfriend? It is obvious how sleeping w/ many folks is dangerous. What about 1 dude?

 

[Lou2U]

MayB when I stop liking him I will C him differently.

When do you think you’ll stop liking him? Before or after he does something to damage your faith, your friendships and your trust in people?

He does have me wondering if the CC (Catholic Church) is unrealistic in this world. Most people do not follow all the rules & principles & God is merciful. I cannot imagine condemnation.

There will always be arguments about this. Talk to a Priest if you are confused, because I bet it’s not the first time he’ll had been asked. The best I can say is don’t judge your faith based on everyone else, and know why you believe what you believe.

Is it really so bad 2 do things ur own way or 2 have sex with ur boyfriend?

Again, talk to your Priest for a Catholic perspective on this. However, you have referred to this man as your “boyfriend” - so do you mean that you want to stop liking him, or is it “one day, I won’t like him anymore” but continue to love him until then?

What is a boyfriend to you? What would you define as a good boyfriend?

My definition of a good boyfriend would be one that I can trust, who respects me and my opinions and tries to better himself.

Look at this man. Does he fit with my definition? Absolutely not. Does he fit into your definition? I hope not. A boyfriend who does not respect you and is content to sleep with your friends and others as well as you is not someone you can trust, and he is not worthy of your attention, your respect, or your love.

If you really want to stop “liking him”, you need to mean it. Cut off all contact with him. Delete his phone number, don’t arrange to meet him, don’t talk to him if you see him and don’t ask about him.

It is obvious how sleeping w/ many folks is dangerous.

I agree with you. Sleeping with lots of people is never good, and can lead to diseases and infections, and a lot of heartbreak. However, I hope you can see that what this man is doing is dangerous - he has slept with many people, including your own friend. I also hope you can see that your opinion is perfectly valid (and correct IMO), and you should not let this man change your opinion just because you love him, or because he doesn’t agree with it.

What about 1 dude?

Think about it. How do you know it’ll only be “one dude”? Wouldn’t you rather be sure (or as sure as you can be) by marrying and truly being with only one person?

I don’t know how old you are. When I was younger, I had a friend who “dated” another man. This man did drugs, alcohol, smoked, had no respect for authority and used girls. Despite knowing all of this, she decided to “date” him, lost her virginity to him, as well as drinking heavily and taking drugs. After that man, she went on to have sex with several more men just for pleasure, and lost many friendships through arguing about sleeping with people.

I’m not trying to say this girl is you, nor am I saying this man is like the one you know. But my friend changed so quickly, and things spiralled so fast. Despite knowing he was using her and that he didn’t truly love her, she went along with it, and I know she wasn’t thinking about where it would lead to.

Basically, my friend also thought: It’s only “one dude”.

There is no guarantee of this.

With reference to your own situation, this “one dude” is using you, like he’s using all these other women to get want he wants. He is manipulating you into clinging to him, because he knows you’ll listen to him, no matter what. He is stripping away your dignity and your self respect. Of course the normal rules don’t seem to apply to him - you have allowed him to push himself onto a pedestal and now you feel too “stupid” to pull him down. You are not stupid; he has taken advantage of you.

I could never like someone who slept with my friend to create drama and who lied to my face about sleeping with others. He isn’t worth your time.

Lou

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Even 'though receiving very good advice you are in denial and are trying to justify your actions and weak morals. You really a prime target as you are trying to intellectualize the situation. There isn’t anyway to say this that sounds “charitable,” I tend to think that you are nearly equally guilty of the sins of your boyfriend. It isn’t too late to check the looking glass on the wall and see who is looking back at you. Stop making excuses and see a priest PDQ.

 

[pianistclare]

MayB when I stop liking him I will C him differently. **In your OP you said he was a “former boyfriend”. You dodged the bullet; why are you inviting him back into your life?**He does have me wondering if the CC (Catholic Church) is unrealistic in this world.

You’re kidding right? He’s wrong and you know it. Why do you want to please him over God? Most people do not follow all the rules & principles & God is merciful. **You are responsible for your own sins, not the sins of all the rest of the world. If “most people” lived a holy life maybe the world would change, ever think about that? **I cannot imagine condemnation. **Then stop playing with fire. Simple. Then you don’t need to worry about it. ** Is it really so bad 2 do things ur own way or 2 have sex with ur boyfriend? **Oh please. You already know the answer to this. YES. It’s BAD. ** It is obvious how sleeping w/ many folks is dangerous. **Apparently not. **What about 1 dude? **People don’t sleep around with “dudes”. That’s a childish notion. People sleep with their husbands who they are very much in love with. That’s the way it’s supposed to be done. Stop trying to re-write the moral code. **

See a priest as soon as you can. You need real life, face to face direction.

 

[Irishmom2]

MayB when I stop liking him I will C him differently. He does have me wondering if the CC (Catholic Church) is unrealistic in this world. Most people do not follow all the rules & principles & God is merciful. I cannot imagine condemnation. Is it really so bad 2 do things ur own way or 2 have sex with ur boyfriend? It is obvious how sleeping w/ many folks is dangerous. What about 1 dude?

Maybee wen ur an adult u will c how immature ur spelling makes u look.

But for now, your rationalization of sin, your lack of understanding of what the Catholic Church believes and why, is example enough of how much you need to grow up. You are no where near ready for a relationship as you are a poor judge of character.

If you are really interested in learning about the Catholic Church, go take a refresher course by attending RCIA. But if you are not interested, stop speaking negatively about The Church that has been around way longer than your so- called friend that thinks he has all the answers.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Even 'though receiving very good advice you are in denial and are trying to justify your actions and weak morals. You really a prime target as you are trying to intellectualize the situation. There isn’t anyway to say this that sounds “charitable,” I tend to think that you are nearly equally guilty of the sins of your boyfriend. It isn’t too late to check the looking glass on the wall and see who is looking back at you. Stop making excuses and see a priest PDQ.

Y & how do U think I am just as guilty of what I accuse him of?