Scared and sad...porn and my boyfriend (a bit long)

[The_Bucket]

What man is free from porn?

What man, or woman, is free from sin? And I mean truly free.

No justification here, but I’ll speak as a fellow recovering addict from the same issue. It’s really a one day at a time thing and the bottom line is that you cannot guarantee that he will not fail at some point, even if/when he gets into recovery. I think the question is whether a) you think he’ll get back on the horse and b) if you can deal with the fact that he might fall.

I’ve been in recovery for almost two years. I’m sober. But I am not free of temptation. And I am not free of giving in to temptation on some levels. None of us are really free from sin. He could go for thirty years without falling into this sin… and then it could come back. The big question, at least in my book, is if he falls, are you going to be emotionally OK with that and will he immediately seek Reconciliation?

I suppose it’s a matter of whether you think individual instances of using pornography/masturbation is a dealbreaker when it comes to marriage, or whether it is a grave sin against which he must struggle and you’ll stand by him. I don’t know that there is a “right” answer here. It’s really a matter of personal perception. Obviously being full-fledged in this addiction and doing nothing about it is a dealbreaker. Just like someone indulging in alcoholism or drugs is a dealbreaker. But is someone who is very seriously fighting those addictions a dealbreaker? That’s really up to you.

I’m sad, hurt, he’s amazing in everything else and that’s why I love him so much. I also talked to him about God, that he can seek God’s grace to overcome this…he’s a craddle catholic, but strayed from faith. Thank God, he’s joining me for mass on sundays. He said he prays, but in silence…I pray so that his faith is restored…

I feel so alone, and don’t know who to talk to, and the worst part is, the one I want to hug me right now is the one that’s caused me pain as well.

I’d seek an S-anon group if possible and I’d refer him to the “Impurity Addiction” group right here on CAF. That, and there are a lot of online outlets for SA, SAA, etc. Phone meetings, online meetings, all that stuff.

But ultimately, this is his choice and his fight. Not yours. You can’t make him choose to get rid of this stuff and stay away from it. Only he can do that. Only he can decide to surrender himself to Christ. And he can’t just say “I’m done with it” today and for it to be before. It’s really one day at a time.

The good news? It’s one day at a time for all of us. Each day. Each hour. Each minute. Each individual temptation to sin. Every moment of every day we have a new decision; to choose God or to choose ourselves and our own base desires. So your boyfriend is not so different from everyone else and from you!

Oh and for the record… I’ve been married for 6.5 years and have three kids. Most of the people I know in recovery programs are married actually. This isn’t something that just single men struggle with. It’s everybody. And I mean literally everybody since I know a decent number of women in sex/porn recovery as well.

 

[LongingSoul]

I told him clearly that I wasn’t willing to take a step further if this wasn’t solved, that I didn’t want this poison between us and that I was willing to loose him if things didn’t change.

Ok, you know your base line. Don’t compromise on it if you discover that he continues to view porn down the track.

You also need to be vigilant about your own gut feelings and watch for real changes in his outlook. It’s not good enough for him say he is going to change and have you just trust the words. When someone is an addict… they are used to sneaking and lying and true recovery makes them value being an open book. If they get all shirty because you are checking up on them or expecting openness… you know they aren’t in true recovery.

He is very lucky to have someone who will pray and fast for him and if he has what it takes to be your husband, you are very lucky too. But don’t compromise your base line when it comes to this issue of porn. It’s degrading to the whole of womankind.

God bless.

 

[Anna_jane]

I know where you’re coming from, I’ve been dealing with this myself in the past few weeks. The pain doesn’t go away, but I try and offer up my suffering to Jesus when it comes over me. I can’t love him more or be any more hurt by this sin than Christ is, so it can be a bond between you and God.
I’m linking some things I found : they’re pdf files called On Breaking the power of Pornography. There are about five of them over several pages, I think, and they offer some real help for your boyfriend. olmcfssp.org/cms/index.php/olmc/events/cat/bulletin_inserts/P55/

 

[TMO]

I know where you’re coming from, I’ve been dealing with this myself in the past few weeks. The pain doesn’t go away, but I try and offer up my suffering to Jesus when it comes over me. I can’t love him more or be any more hurt by this sin than Christ is, so it can be a bond between you and God.
I’m linking some things I found : they’re pdf files called On Breaking the power of Pornography. There are about five of them over several pages, I think, and they offer some real help for your boyfriend. olmcfssp.org/cms/index.php/olmc/events/cat/bulletin_inserts/P55/

Thank you so much…It’s so hard…I wish it never existed, I wish this never would have happened, but it’s something I can’t change…What’s interesting too is that since about a month ago, I’ve had difficulties to pray…I think I was emotionally drained and avoided praying for being a deep experience…so this is definetely a way God’s using to bring me back closer to Him.

I will offer my sufferings too. Maybe this lent I can finally start understanding a bit more the love Jesus has for us by dying in the cross…

 

[TMO]

Ok, you know your base line. Don’t compromise on it if you discover that he continues to view porn down the track.

You also need to be vigilant about your own gut feelings and watch for real changes in his outlook. It’s not good enough for him say he is going to change and have you just trust the words. When someone is an addict… they are used to sneaking and lying and true recovery makes them value being an open book. If they get all shirty because you are checking up on them or expecting openness… you know they aren’t in true recovery.

He is very lucky to have someone who will pray and fast for him and if he has what it takes to be your husband, you are very lucky too. But don’t compromise your base line when it comes to this issue of porn. It’s degrading to the whole of womankind.

God bless.

This is something I want to figure out too…how can I have peace of mind but without making him feel judged or evaluated? I told him I was scared of this, that he would feel ashamed and started lying to me. He offered to teach me how to hack his computer (he’s a programmer) and that I could take his computer any time I wanted… he told me where he watches it, how often and some details…

On sunday I was pretty emotional and asked him to have patience with me because I was hurting…he told me that if it was any comforting, he had started to delete the stuff from his computer…

What concrete things can we do so I know his commitment to this is real, and how can I know he’s making progress without coming off as judgemental so that he withdraws and starts lying to me? Even though he has been very open to me, in the practical reality, I’m afraid this could backfire.

I’ve thought about telling him that instead of me checking his computer and stuff, that he should be the one telling me about the things he’s doing, on his own, without me asking. That would make him own more his responsability and I would be in the place where I should be: supporting him, but not assuming this as my own.

What are your thoughts on this?

 

[TMO]

What man, or woman, is free from sin? And I mean truly free.

No justification here, but I’ll speak as a fellow recovering addict from the same issue. It’s really a one day at a time thing and the bottom line is that you cannot guarantee that he will not fail at some point, even if/when he gets into recovery. I think the question is whether a) you think he’ll get back on the horse and b) if you can deal with the fact that he might fall.

I’ve been in recovery for almost two years. I’m sober. But I am not free of temptation. And I am not free of giving in to temptation on some levels. None of us are really free from sin. He could go for thirty years without falling into this sin… and then it could come back. The big question, at least in my book, is if he falls, are you going to be emotionally OK with that and will he immediately seek Reconciliation?

I suppose it’s a matter of whether you think individual instances of using pornography/masturbation is a dealbreaker when it comes to marriage, or whether it is a grave sin against which he must struggle and you’ll stand by him. I don’t know that there is a “right” answer here. It’s really a matter of personal perception. Obviously being full-fledged in this addiction and doing nothing about it is a dealbreaker. Just like someone indulging in alcoholism or drugs is a dealbreaker. But is someone who is very seriously fighting those addictions a dealbreaker? That’s really up to you.

I’d seek an S-anon group if possible and I’d refer him to the “Impurity Addiction” group right here on CAF. That, and there are a lot of online outlets for SA, SAA, etc. Phone meetings, online meetings, all that stuff.

But ultimately, this is his choice and his fight. Not yours. You can’t make him choose to get rid of this stuff and stay away from it. Only he can do that. Only he can decide to surrender himself to Christ. And he can’t just say “I’m done with it” today and for it to be before. It’s really one day at a time.

The good news? It’s one day at a time for all of us. Each day. Each hour. Each minute. Each individual temptation to sin. Every moment of every day we have a new decision; to choose God or to choose ourselves and our own base desires. So your boyfriend is not so different from everyone else and from you!

Oh and for the record… I’ve been married for 6.5 years and have three kids. Most of the people I know in recovery programs are married actually. This isn’t something that just single men struggle with. It’s everybody. And I mean literally everybody since I know a decent number of women in sex/porn recovery as well.

Can you tell me a little bit about how men view this? Does it really make them see their spouses/girlfriends less attractive and loose interest in them? What about the love they say they have for them? Does it change?

I hope my questions don’t offend you, I’m just trying to know where I’m standing here

I told him about specific hypothetical situations in the future, including my body changing due to pregnancy, post partum, aging, etc. what would happen if this continued if God gave us the grace to have a life together? I told him I was scared to be with him (in marriage of course) and not being enough for him because of all the things he’s been exposed to…

It’s a pain I can’t describe, it hurts in so many levels…

 

[The_Bucket]

I don’t know that I can help that much because I only speak for myself. That’s a major requirement of recovery… and just common sense really. I don’t know what’s in your boyfriend’s head. I don’t know what’s in anyone’s head! I can only speak for my own experience. So I’ll answer the questions but this only applies to me.

Can you tell me a little bit about how men view this?

Unfortunately, I think a significant portion of the secular world sees nothing wrong with pornography, even in marriage, provided that the wife is “OK with it” and there’s nothing illegal/weird. I would say that most people, however, would think that someone who wants to stop but can’t has a problem.

Does it really make them see their spouses/girlfriends less attractive and loose interest in them?

I never lost interest in my wife physically. I did, however, emotionally abuse her in ways that had nothing to do with sex. Basically I was a crazy rage-filled lunatic who was also terrified of his own shadow. Never hit or even threatened that… but I was really passive aggressive and then just flat out aggressive. Like, I would say that other people on the road who were making me mad “didn’t deserve to live.” Seriously. It was totally insane.

What about the love they say they have for them? Does it change?

Here’s the hard part. The problem here is, what was my concept of love? Would I die for my wife and kids? Heck yeah. Would I put down the computer and admit I had a problem lest I risk discovery? No. It wasn’t until I had no choice that I chose to admit my addiction. It was either that or lose my family. I think everyone struggles with the concept of true love, but I think I’m in a worse position than most. I get upset over real or perceived slights. My pride is easily wounded.

I have to shake myself back into reality frequently lest I get lost in my own head about “she did this or she won’t do this so I should just go back to my addiction.”

I was already far from being an empathetic person. I found that porn destroyed whatever small amount of empathy I had. I literally could not see anything from anyone’s perspective other than my own. I was obsessed with my own desires and saw other people as basically tools to either get in my way or give me what I want. Not all of these desires were bad. In fact, most were neutral. But when I didn’t get my way, even when I didn’t know what my way was, I was a nutcase. I am slowly recovering my ability to understand things from other people’s point of view and even communicate love through other “languages” such as actions, gift-giving, quality time, etc.

I told him about specific hypothetical situations in the future, including my body changing due to pregnancy, post partum, aging, etc. what would happen if this continued if God gave us the grace to have a life together? I told him I was scared to be with him (in marriage of course) and not being enough for him because of all the things he’s been exposed to…

My wife has gone through three pregnancies and still looks great to me. But then again, objective observers would agree with that statement because she stays in ridiculously good shape. Not for me by the way. For her. She’s an athletic person and wants to stay that way. I don’t think I will ever stop being physically attracted to her and, weird as it may sound to other parties, even porn addicts are attracted by things other than the physical. I wanted to marry my wife not because she was smoking hot (that was just a plus) but because she is a great woman of faith who I knew would drag me over the finish line to Heaven if she had to.

I just want to stop being a dead weight and contribute my share to this race.

 

[TMO]

I don’t know that I can help that much because I only speak for myself. That’s a major requirement of recovery… and just common sense really. I don’t know what’s in your boyfriend’s head. I don’t know what’s in anyone’s head! I can only speak for my own experience. So I’ll answer the questions but this only applies to me.

Unfortunately, I think a significant portion of the secular world sees nothing wrong with pornography, even in marriage, provided that the wife is “OK with it” and there’s nothing illegal/weird. I would say that most people, however, would think that someone who wants to stop but can’t has a problem.

I never lost interest in my wife physically. I did, however, emotionally abuse her in ways that had nothing to do with sex. Basically I was a crazy rage-filled lunatic who was also terrified of his own shadow. Never hit or even threatened that… but I was really passive aggressive and then just flat out aggressive. Like, I would say that other people on the road who were making me mad “didn’t deserve to live.” Seriously. It was totally insane.

Here’s the hard part. The problem here is, what was my concept of love? Would I die for my wife and kids? Heck yeah. Would I put down the computer and admit I had a problem lest I risk discovery? No. It wasn’t until I had no choice that I chose to admit my addiction. It was either that or lose my family. I think everyone struggles with the concept of true love, but I think I’m in a worse position than most. I get upset over real or perceived slights. My pride is easily wounded.

I have to shake myself back into reality frequently lest I get lost in my own head about “she did this or she won’t do this so I should just go back to my addiction.”

I was already far from being an empathetic person. I found that porn destroyed whatever small amount of empathy I had. I literally could not see anything from anyone’s perspective other than my own. I was obsessed with my own desires and saw other people as basically tools to either get in my way or give me what I want. Not all of these desires were bad. In fact, most were neutral. But when I didn’t get my way, even when I didn’t know what my way was, I was a nutcase. I am slowly recovering my ability to understand things from other people’s point of view and even communicate love through other “languages” such as actions, gift-giving, quality time, etc.

My wife has gone through three pregnancies and still looks great to me. But then again, objective observers would agree with that statement because she stays in ridiculously good shape. Not for me by the way. For her. She’s an athletic person and wants to stay that way. I don’t think I will ever stop being physically attracted to her and, weird as it may sound to other parties, even porn addicts are attracted by things other than the physical. I wanted to marry my wife not because she was smoking hot (that was just a plus) but because she is a great woman of faith who I knew would drag me over the finish line to Heaven if she had to.

I just want to stop being a dead weight and contribute my share to this race.

Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience. It is very helpful

I will keep you in my prayers too

 

[TomClaimingLife]

Hi,

First thing you need to understand is that Porn addiction is not a simple one to get rid so fast. Porn take effort and time to get out. And if he is willing to try, and feel like he want to get out, he need your support and help also. As someone told before try reading Matt Fradd’s book Delivered and that is a great book to read. (mattfradd.com/)

Yes. it is true, that recovery is possible. but again it take effort, time and sometimes money too for this. it is also important to understand it is an addiction which take real solid time to get rid of it. (yes! sometimes more than an year). So be patient with him and understand him and love him. (Try not to blame him and fight with him, because that will make more guilty than a positive energy to fight.)

See this when time permits:
reclaimsexualhealth.com/Education-Resources/help-for-a-spouse.html

This is a catholic initiative where you can attend and practice to get out of this.
reclaimsexualhealth.com/

This helps to track (with his permission and you can be an accountability partner for him).
covenanteyes.com/blog/

Again Pray for him. if you are serious about him, Love him with his weakness and forgive him (as God forgive us). spend some time on those websites and understand he behavioral more about this issue.

Hope this helps.

 

[TMO]

Hi,

First thing you need to understand is that Porn addiction is not a simple one to get rid so fast. Porn take effort and time to get out. And if he is willing to try, and feel like he want to get out, he need your support and help also. As someone told before try reading Matt Fradd’s book Delivered and that is a great book to read. (mattfradd.com/)

Yes. it is true, that recovery is possible. but again it take effort, time and sometimes money too for this. it is also important to understand it is an addiction which take real solid time to get rid of it. (yes! sometimes more than an year). So be patient with him and understand him and love him. (Try not to blame him and fight with him, because that will make more guilty than a positive energy to fight.)

See this when time permits:
reclaimsexualhealth.com/Education-Resources/help-for-a-spouse.html

This is a catholic initiative where you can attend and practice to get out of this.
reclaimsexualhealth.com/

This helps to track (with his permission and you can be an accountability partner for him).
covenanteyes.com/blog/

Again Pray for him. if you are serious about him, Love him with his weakness and forgive him (as God forgive us). spend some time on those websites and understand he behavioral more about this issue.

Hope this helps.

Thank you very much. He has told me he’ll teach me to hack his computer, to trace those sites (one major obstacle, he’s a programmer and he has deactivated filters he himself placed in his computer when he’s tried to solve this on his own). Though I appreciate it, it scares me too. But the app can be very helpful too. I think we can get to a middle ground on that.

I also wanted to ask about how not to get into “detective mode” on him. See, since I have a very good memory, I remembered the forum I saw on his pc when I caught him. I dreamed all night about loggin into that site to see what he could be watching. I prayed 3 misteries of the rosary, helped me and fell asleep but I kept dreaming . So when I woke up, I checked the site. Though I didn’t see any images, just the titles of some of the threads were so sickening…after this, I tried searching for his alias on google (he uses the same on pretty much everything) and I came across his xtube profile…you don’t have to get into the site to realize what type of material is there…just the thumbnails hurt me so much, it was hardocore stuff and I’ve been feeling sick since this morning.

After this I asked God for forgiveness for putting my self in a dangerous situation, and even though I knew I would go through something like this and to be fair, I think it’s pretty obvious and normal it would have happened; I understood these kind of behaviour would only hurt me too much to be able to support him.

I think I can be his accountability support but I’m going to need a looot of prayers to do this. It hurt me very much to see these things and it’s not the first time I’ve done it. But I don’t want to fall into this trap again.

Any advices on how to maintain peace through this? How can I stay positive and more importantly, emotionally stable when I find out he’s fallen and how much is too much? Sorry if my questions are hard, I’m just trying to figure out the best thing to do and I don’t have many people to ask for advice to

Thank you all for your prayers.

 

[TomClaimingLife]

First of all, it is a very bad idea for you to try to see what he is seeing. there is a high chance that you can fall into that pit too. i am not saying that you will, but there is a chance. most of the time. people start looking at porn to feed their enthusiasm or to know what is that. many times people say that, i watch to learn. No. that is never a good idea to watch porn for any reason. So not any more.
Second, Pray and go through a discernment to see what you are called for. spend time with Lord jesus infront of blessed sacrament and find out what is right for you to leave him back and move on with your life, or love him with his weakness and support him to get out of that habit/ addiction. you only know what is his place in your life and whether not to keep him in that. take that decision along with Jesus through prayer and fasting.

Once you decided on that and if that is an YES to stay with him and help him, make sure you understand what you are embracing, a cross along with Jesus Christ. That is a good thing, that God allows a cross in every one’s life. Love the Man and hate his weakness.

If you are at this level. there is hope. First spend time with Jesus to give you strength to withstand with this till its end and then learn about this addiction more. there is a lot of information available in internet.

1. even if you both are not married at this time, i suggest you to read these below links.
   covenanteyes.com/resources/wifes-guide/
2. search for ‘Spouse’ inside covenanteyes.com/ also and see those articles.
3. integrityrestored.com/HopeForWives

Read through that. always partial information will not help at all. so Spend valid time in prayer and reading which help you in this situation.

PS: I am not a therapist or any promoter of any of the above sites. I am just a man, fight myself against Porn. Everything that told above was very easy to say but it requires a lot of: patience, Prayer & fasting, self control and Love.

 

[mek42]

He could use an accountability partner, but it should probably not be you. He should be willing to be moderately open with his struggle with you for the sake of the relationship, but he should have someone else to be able to tell him when he’s full of it about something. In the rooms this would be a sponsor. It is too bad no NA near you. They give out keychains for so many days clean that can be used as a sort of talisman to get through rough days sometimes.

I can probably explain better why he should have someone other than you as primary accountability partner if needed at another time.

 

[flufinonis]

I wanted to marry my wife not because she was smoking hot (that was just a plus) but because she is a great woman of faith who I knew would drag me over the finish line to Heaven if she had to. .

I’m sorry to say this, but I find you awesome.

 

[flufinonis]

I’ve been dealing with the same problem myself with my boyfriend.
It’s not the end of the world or the relationship, and these things are permited by God, and where sin abounded, grace did so much more abound.

I know it hurts, and I feel my heart rip open everytime I find out he fell, because, let’s faith the truth, it’s an infidelity problem. But I’ve been patient and let this in God’s hands.
With the time my boyfriend finally grasped what was the real problem and now he constantly fights it. (even though he falls sometimes). I’ve been open to him and never screamed, yelled or puked my frustration on that matter on him. I’ve found that it’s really good to listen, listen and listen with love and compassion. I’ve told him peacefully and calmly (although I can never stop the silent tears) all the harm it inflicts in him, in our relationship, in his future marriage, spouse, children, in God, the women and girls that are sold and enslaved against their will in that horrid industry, and in me.
It’s necessary to understand this is an adiction, a really hard addiction to get out of, and we’re stimulated on sex, porn and masturbation by all the media, songs, movies, adverts, papers, internet, friends, etc we see and hear all the time.

It’s hard but not impossible. Specially if you have God by your side. That’s a very important point.

My boyfriend used to be craddle catholic, he quit, spent years in ‘the world’ and then I invited him to my catholic movement and converted. There he learned what real love is. The love of ultimate sacrifice (as in the crucifixion), the love of forgiveness, the love of patience, the love in the suffering. We as christians are invited to be part of that love. It is really hard for someone who hasn’t experienced God’s love and accepted him in his life, to love that way. And you want your future husband to love you with Christ’s love, I bet.
The difference we experienced was so huge after my boyfriend converted, it really amazes me. It took some time, but the joy now is greater than the pain I sufferd.

It’s helped us both to be in a movement searching for an adult faith. I deeply encourage you try this with him, it’ll improve your relationship with God, with your boyfriend and your future family.

I trully love him and want to marry him someday, and my love for him just wants him to be okay, and to overcome this, and I’m willing to help him as much as I can, even if that sin destroys me everytime. I want the best for him.
I trust him, and I trust that he really wants to get out. That trust has helped him, and he’s also learned that God’s there to help.

I’ve let him know (and feel, that’s important) that he’s got all my support to get out. That I still love him, although not the sin, and that we can fight and pray together against it. He knows that he can tell me this and I won’t go bersek, instead, I try helping him the way Jesus would… Christ condemns the sin, not the sinner.
With the time, he’s found out by himself that he needs to sincerelly confess it to me first and then go to confession. I’ve found out that even if it hurts me a lot, it gives us and oportunity to talk, to discus the subject, our future, pour tons of tears, let out our fears… and be able to forgive him in the end. Trully forgive him. (that’s above my power, but somehow, I’ve been able to). Sometimes he takes the initiative to say a prayer at the end. I feel that by putting this cross in God’s hands, he’s given between my boyfriend and me a lot of spiritual intimacy. Man, that intimacy, the intimacy of the soul we’ve experienced feels awesome, feels free, feels we’re so ourselves and yet so united.

But sometimes, these questions struck me. What kind of physical intimacy he’s mislearned this far? How polluted is his concept of sex and all that? How this is going to afect us in the future, in our marital relationships? What about the images he’s seen? How’s that going to affect him? How’s that going to affect our honeymoon? Will he end up being unfaithful with a real woman? It scares me. He knows those fears and has no answer for that. He can now see how a sin rips through a lot of things and affects a lot of people over time. I can see his pain on that and how sorry he is.

Fasting helps. A priest told him to “give up something you like”. I’d fast some days for him too. I saw how that helped him a lot. And it could be with anything, like food, games or some days off the internet.

We’ve also read together a lot of JP2 texts on the subject. “Love and responsibility” inspired us. We look for anything that could help us on the subject and the faith in general. Jason Evert inspired us too. We’ve seen his videos on youtube, read and promoted his books. Sadly, ACN isn’t importing them to my country anymore and we’re really sad and don’t know what to do.

We’re fighting for purity and chastity together. Every night, (on the phone, or by ourselves) we say a prayer together and ask Mary for help. We ask for a “saint relationship” or “christian relationship”. Later we’ll be asking for a saint marriage, if that’s God’s will, haha, I hope. Novenas are great too.

Things are so much wonderful when you’re fighting to reach sactity with a militant catholic. I used to pray for his conversion like this: Help him find the Truth, and fall passionatly in love with it. Funny enough, that somehow confirmed that here is The Truth. Sometimes I pray for my future husband to be deeply in love with God.

And last, I’ve never played the detective and I discourage it. That undermines trust. And trust is important. Now my boyfriend pretty tells me himself when he falls, (although I can guess by his behavior), I wait till he tells me. Few times I’d ask him details or how’s he doing with “the loneliness problem”.

You can do it. It’ll take time, and if you let this in God’s hands, he’ll guide you, give you patience, love, and peace through this hard times.

 

[TMO]

Thank you very much to everyone who are praying and giving me advice…

The last couple days have been very hard; as I said earlier, I fell in the trap of trying to trace things on my own and some of the images have hurt me very deeply, even though I didn’t see anything, the thumbnails made me shiver inside and I felt disgusted, hurt, scared and horrified…

I’m still very emotional. Thank you for your support