Scared I sold my soul, please help!

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ScaredRn

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Hello, so this is my first time using this forum so I’m sorry if I mess something up. I am undiagnosed with OCD and scrupulosity but I know it have it. I have all of the effects of it. I am 18 too. So basically I am constantly worried about commuting then unforgivable sin, and I get mad at myself and in general when I do because I don’t want to do this. But basically I also started having thoughts of Satan and got scared I made a deal with him in my head from an intrusive thought. I know that’s not real though, but 2 nights ago I got really upset and started yelling at Christ. I told him that I give up, and I had Satan constantly running through my mind. I told him that I am giving myself up, and if Christ wants to save me, then i told him to save me. I am not entirely sure what I meant at the time, I was just tired of constantly thinking I am unforgivable and wanted to be done with religion, but I’m scared I offered myself to Satan or I offered my soul to him. So then I confessed to God what I did, but now I’m scared that since I implied it, it mean so I truly did it. I am just so scared that I actually sold my soul or offered it to Satan because of what’ve I said. I was really despairing at that point but I am scared that it doesn’t matter. I stopped repenting for a bit now and scared of my fate. I’m so sorry for such a long message, any help is appreciated so much
 
I agree with @Fauken. Please talk to your Priest, and a health professional about your OCD. You don’t have to suffer like this.
 
Ok. Do you think I can be forgiven though? Like am I hopeless now because of this? I didn’t mean I am specifically giving myself up to Satan, I just said it in general. But truly thanks again
 
You can be forgiven, but you need to go to a priest. Do not delay.
 
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Thank you, I will. I really don’t know why I do these things and I hate the fact that I am like this
 
ScaredRn said:
Thank you, I will. I really don’t know why I do these things and I hate the fact that I am like this
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Be kind to yourself ❤️ you’re struggling with an illness right now, but it is something you can get help for. Your Priest and doctor are the best people to give you that help. Look after yourself.
 
I understand, I just worry a lot because even though I do yell at God a lot I just want him to be proud of me. I don’t really watch what I say at all and keep messing up. But yea I will, thank you for your response!
 
I have schizophrenia so I know how disturbing those intrusive thoughts can be. The best thing you can do is stay calm and offer a prayer immediately (only one our father is needed be wary of prayer ocd) after the intrusive thought as a sign that your mental illness is to blame and you still have faith/believe in God. As for forgiveness God is loving and would understand. Talking to a priest and or therapist is also a good idea. I have had many disturbing thoughts but I know God knows our hearts better that we know ourselves. Hang in there and have faith.
 
ScaredRn said:
up. I am undiagnosed with OCD and scrupulosity but I know it have it.
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You need a therapist and a priest trained to help those with scruples. Do not delay in seeking out a mental health provider.
ScaredRn said:
I am just so scared that I actually sold my soul
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It is not possible to do that. It is only in movies and books. It is not possible to sell or give your soul.

Get help from your pastor and a therapist. OCD, intrusive thoughts, scruples— there are serious mental health issues.
 
It’s okay, and you should tell Him all of your struggles and joys. He is your dad. He is very proud of you and His love for you alone is immeasurable. The only sin He cannot forgive is the one that is not repented of. Talk to your priest, be forgiven, and go in peace. And remember that, every time you fall, Jesus is right there with you to pick you up… again, and again, and again…
 
Thank you ❤️ It’s just sometimes i feel like I mess up too bad, or I say something and realize I messed up. But again than you so much!
 
Thank you for your answer! That makes me feel better tbh, but yea I just always worry over these things. I’m dumb and make a lot of mistakes haha, but again thank you!
 
In addition to you can’t sell something that doesn’t belong to you, and you can’t have committed the unforgivable sin if you are still alive, here is a word of encouragement for you…

GOOD PRAYER!

This is what God wants to hear from us. He wants to hear the mess, the frustrations, the worst of it all. Much better the just repeated words - there is a place for that. I know a well known theologian who in a moment of anger and frustration went into a chapel and screamed the F word at God. Later when he went to confession about it, priest told him, Good Prayer. So I’m passing it on to you, don’t afraid to have your heart pierced and allow all of the crap out.
 
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