Scared....(tmi warning)

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Prayers… hang in there Goth. Don’t think the worst of it. It can be anything.
 
Goth_Catholic said:
I found what looks like a black lesion on my um…girly part. I’m hardly ever outside, I haven’t had a sunburn in three years, I don’t have fair skin, I have dark hair, dark eyes and no freckles. I’m almost 17. My grandfather whose near 80 had skin cancer three years ago, but not a type that’s deadly. I have no other family history of skin cancer. I have several moles but only 4 that are larger then a pin prick. I don’t go tanning. I have little to no risk, yet I’ve found this spot. I’m not asking for medical advice, and yes I’m seeing a doctor as soon as possible, which leads me into this…

I think I’m more scared of seeing the doctor then of the actual “thing” because of where it’s located:blush: . I’m, of course as most of you know, a virgin, which just makes this type of thing worse. (more tmi) I’m a recovering masterbation addict, however I never actually touched myself when I did it. I only touch in the shower and drying off (which is how I found this). I’m absoutely afried of being touched! My mom looked at it, and of course she had to touch me, and I freaked out. And, I haven’t seen my doctor since I was 11.

I don’t know how I am going to survive the next couple of days, I can’t bare not knowing. I’m so scared, it’s unreal. I have a huge physics test tomorrow and the day after which just makes everything worse because my doctor can’t see me until Friday afternoon.:crying:
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Oh dear, you sound so much like me!!! I was TERRIFIED of the doctor! They told me if I never had sex I wouldn’t need a feminine exam while I was uner 18. Well, that kept me a virgin until I became a christian, the God di after that…anyway. After a few messed up paps and a horrible case of changing docs a billion times AND female problems, I got over it. It’s really not as bad as it seems, but I can’t lie. Your first pap isn’t a pleasant thing if you are “untouched”.

Anyway, I also was paranoid about “down there”. I had a lot of funny things that turned out to be an ingrown hair, or a rash from sports. It’s more than likely nothing, but I’d see the doc.
 
I’m alright. It is a mole, but my doc wasn’t too worried, told me to come back in a month and if it hasn’t changed I’m fine.

But

The exam left me feeling so…defiled. I just don’t want to think about it. She misunderstood where it was, so I didn’t even need to be touched. Just thinking about it makes me:crying: all over again. I dont ever want to be touched like that again, ever. :crying:
 
Goth_Catholic said:
I’m alright. It is a mole, but my doc wasn’t too worried, told me to come back in a month and if it hasn’t changed I’m fine.

But

The exam left me feeling so…defiled. I just don’t want to think about it. She misunderstood where it was, so I didn’t even need to be touched. Just thinking about it makes me:crying: all over again. I dont ever want to be touched like that again, ever. :crying:
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Glad to hear it’s only a mole.

But I’m sorry you had such a bad experience :hug1: Having female exams aren’t fun, especially the first time around.
 
I feel like I lost a part of myself, somehow. I keep crying about it, as stupid as it is to cry about.
 
Goth_Catholic said:
I feel like I lost a part of myself, somehow. I keep crying about it, as stupid as it is to cry about.
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Awe Goth… it’s not a bad thing to cry. You’ve never experienced that and I know it’s scary. I HATE those exams, especially now that I lost my baby. They hurt me so much I couldn’t stand the pain.

I think it’s normal for you to react this way. You’re new to these things and you’re a virgin (Thank God). Was your mom w/you during the examination?
 
Yeah she was. But I can’t bring myself to tell her how I really feel. I feel like i’m on a rollar coaster. I cried for a while before I went back to school. I was fine for the last few hours of school until I was on the busride home. I started thinking about it again, and my brother’s stupid friends had to, out of no where, start talking about my ex-boyfriend and accusing me of sleeping with him behind my back. So I came home and cried there for awhile. I calmed down enough to last a few more hours and now I’m crying again. I just wish I wasn’t so stressed out on top of all of this.:crying:
 
Goth_Catholic said:
Yeah she was. But I can’t bring myself to tell her how I really feel. I feel like i’m on a rollar coaster. I cried for a while before I went back to school. I was fine for the last few hours of school until I was on the busride home. I started thinking about it again, and my brother’s stupid friends had to, out of no where, start talking about my ex-boyfriend and accusing me of sleeping with him behind my back. So I came home and cried there for awhile. I calmed down enough to last a few more hours and now I’m crying again. I just wish I wasn’t so stressed out on top of all of this.:crying:
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You’ve been having such a tough day. I’m so sorry Goth. I wish there was something I could tell you, but I’m not very wise. Sometimes I still act and think as if I were in high school.

The only thing I can tell you, and it might not help you much, is that you shouldn’t let those people get to you. Gossips can hurt a lot. The less you listen to the gossips, the less you will hurt. I learned that the hard way.

And about how you’re feeling because of the exam, I don’t know how to help you 😊. I wish I could say something that would help you. I think you feel that way because you are 17 and thankfully a virgin. I felt somewhat the same when I had my first cervical exam. Somehow I started looking at the world a little different. I don’t expect you to know what I mean, but I was walking around in school like a zombie. Everything was a blurr to me that day. I know I can’t help you much, but know that I am here for you and I’m sending you mega cyber :console: . Oh, and boys are stupid. They are all talk, but when it comes to facing reality, they aren’t very good at it. Especially in high school; so try not to pay attention to their lame comments.

ETA: Maybe talking to your mom will make you feel better. Moms are such good advice givers. I’m sure she’ll understand how you feel and will comfort you better than anyone can here on CAF. I don’t know how your relationship is with her, but if it’s a good one, try and talk to her.
 
Goth_Catholic said:
Yeah she was. But I can’t bring myself to tell her how I really feel. I feel like i’m on a rollar coaster. I cried for a while before I went back to school. I was fine for the last few hours of school until I was on the busride home. I started thinking about it again, and my brother’s stupid friends had to, out of no where, start talking about my ex-boyfriend and accusing me of sleeping with him behind my back. So I came home and cried there for awhile. I calmed down enough to last a few more hours and now I’m crying again. I just wish I wasn’t so stressed out on top of all of this.:crying:
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Why are they saying those things?:mad: I really don’t like when boys bully girls–or bullies in general!

Anyways…like you don’t have enough going on?😦 I want you to know that you’re in my prayers…and trust me…your exam will be fine–it will definitely be different, because it is definitely different when a doctor all of your life has never touched ‘there.’ I remember when I was 17 and had my first yeast infection–and this was before over the counter meds…you needed a prescription for monistat…I felt very uncomfortable…but, sometimes, we have to go through such things to make sure we’re ok. I pray you’re ok–I’m sure you are, but praying just the same for a good outcome to this. Please keep us posted.🙂
 
My brother’s friends are stupid, that’s all I know.

Yessi, thank you. :hug3: Just being able to actually talk about how I feel helps.

Thanks for your prayers whatevergirl.:hug1:

:grouphug:
 
I had my one month appointment, unforchently my doc thinks it’s bigger and I have to go to the gyn to have it removed:crying:

But I’m going to my mom’s pro-life, Catholic ob/gyn who delivered me, so at least that’s one good thing…

sigh😦
 
My husband had something black and ugly on his hand. I thought for sure it was cancer, since he’d already had a bout of skin cancer previously. Thankfully, it was just a blood blister. Maybe your mom is right! Just have the doctor check it out, and I’m sure you’re mind will be at ease. I’m glad you have a female doctor, as she will likely make you feel a bit more comfortable.
 
Like I mentioned…my doctor cut mine out. It’s good to just get it cut out and taken care of, and it is not that bad. I know what it’s like to have the anxiety before hand. Just look forward to getting it over with.
 
I’m so sorry you’ve been having a hard time with this issue - I will pray that everything is okay.

I just wanted to say that I hope this experience doesn’t keep you from getting regular checkups and knowing fully about the health of your “lady parts”. 😉 It’s a part of our body that needs attention as much as any other, less “sexual”, part. I wish I would have known more about my reproductive system in my teens and early 20’s - I had all the sex-ed in public school, but still didn’t know areally anything about my cycles, the “construction” of my reproductive system, why Kegal exercizes are important (three kids later…😦 ) , I still find it hard to get accurate information about prolapse issues, which is pretty frustrating…arrgh.

I too get to feeling uncomfortable, but I think its because of how another poster put it, it deals with our modesty, and that should be natural too. But don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed, nor let yourself feel ashamed, about what happens “down there”. It’s how God made us and it should be just a normal aspect of life.

Good luck to you!
 
Goth_Catholic said:
I had my one month appointment, unforchently my doc thinks it’s bigger and I have to go to the gyn to have it removed:crying:

But I’m going to my mom’s pro-life, Catholic ob/gyn who delivered me, so at least that’s one good thing…

sigh😦
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I’m so sorry this is happening to you dear, big hugzzzzzz your way. I know how you feel as I have had biopsies done there :eek: and all I can say is to make sure you use a good **Antibiotic ointment cream that has pain reliever **in it like Neosporin (gyno recommended).

http://www.neosporin.com/images/neosporin_products/Neo_plus_combined.gif
[neosporin.com/firstaid/neosporin.asp?sec=0&page=15#Neospor(name removed by moderator)lus](http://www.neosporin.com/firstaid/neosporin.asp?sec=0&page=15#Neospor(name removed by moderator)lus)

That’s the one I used.

It will take at least a week to completely heal so if it gets too painful as the biopsy cut starts closing then I would recommend what my Gynecologist said to me and that is to soak in warm water for at least 5 minutes.

You will be ok dear, trust me. Lots of prayers headed your way.

Peace.
 
I read your post from last month about feeling violated and dirty after your doctor visit. Has the intensity of your feelings subdued any? If not, I would recommend you take advantage of your visit by talking to the NFP doctor about learning NFP now before a marriage partner is anywhere near the horizon. It will give you time to become familiar with your body and its processes without the pressure and stress of a partner. Your mom could help you with the charts, too. If you haven’t already told her about your fears and anxiety, you can use this visit as an opportunity to do so. Saying that you’ve been really anxious about the doctors looking at you, and though you know it is normal that it hasn’t been comfortable, and you’re glad she’s going and you’d like to learn NFP to help you feel comfortable and in control of your sexuality is probably a good way of saying it to your mom to get it out there and get a solution in place. You can also read Theology of the Body or Good News About Sex and Marriage to help put your feelings into a better perspective.
 
Maritsa said:
I read your post from last month about feeling violated and dirty after your doctor visit. Has the intensity of your feelings subdued any?
Not really. I do still feel like I was violated, I just don’t cry about it anymore.
If not, I would recommend you take advantage of your visit by talking to the NFP doctor about learning NFP now before a marriage partner is anywhere near the horizon. It will give you time to become familiar with your body and its processes without the pressure and stress of a partner.
I don’t know if she’s a NFP doc or not. I’m not even sure if we have an NFP doc. I just know she’s Catholic and Pro-Life
Your mom could help you with the charts, too. If you haven’t already told her about your fears and anxiety, you can use this visit as an opportunity to do so. Saying that you’ve been really anxious about the doctors looking at you, and though you know it is normal that it hasn’t been comfortable, and you’re glad she’s going and you’d like to learn NFP to help you feel comfortable and in control of your sexuality is probably a good way of saying it to your mom to get it out there and get a solution in place. You can also read Theology of the Body or Good News About Sex and Marriage to help put your feelings into a better perspective.
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Thanks. I’ve wanted to start learning NFP anyway to help keep track of my cycles. I have been trying to pay more attention to the days and signs in the last few months. I have reconized that my cycles don’t vary as much as I was afried they did. I will ask the doc how much she knows about NFP though.
 
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