Scared to have more children

[Convert26]

Please be gentle with me regarding this issue. I am pregnant with my second and very overwhelmed. My husband is military and we are unsure of the future and how it’s going to play out… but what we do know is that it will be difficult regardless… training… deployment… long days… etc… with this in mind, it’s become very difficult for me to imagine having a large family as lovely as it sounds. I am already overwhelmed with my 1 year old and I am completely terrified to have a newborn again. Not only will my husband not be around but when he is around, he won’t be able to help much because he is studying. I feel as if I would be doing a disservice to my vocation as a catholic mother and wife to not have anymore than 2 children. But this is how I feel at the moment. If I were to get pregnant again I feel it wouldn’t be years from now until I felt ready again and that is a big IF. Am I failing as a mother because I’m already emotionally and mentally struggling with motherhood? My husband wants a big family and comes from a big family so this would be a huge problem between us. Am I in sin for even thinking this and if I ultimately decided that I couldn’t manage with young babies especially with the military lifestyle that we live in… would I be committing mortal sin?

 

[stuartbrianhenlis]

Dear “Flump”,

Please try and be gentle with yourself! You sound overwhelmed. Is there anyone whom you could get help? Is there a Chaplain you could share your needs with? I’m a Senior Citizen who never was blessed with children, but I think I can understand your situation.

 

[Mythicalbio]

There is no sin, especially not mortal, in thinking this or worrying about it. It is a genuine concern.

 

[ZemD]

Please try to calm down, I can hear the anxiety in your post. You have done this all before, it is much easier the second time around! I speak from experience, my second child is 6 months old, my first about to turn 3. I would have had a child before my first son’s second birthday if not for an early miscarriage.

You will be able to do this and after your second child you will know how you feel about your ability to handle more. Before my second son was born, I was terrified. I thought I would never be able to handle it. Now that he is here, I am managing just fine and have so much love for both children and they love each other as well.

I am extremely tired everyday, but I remind myself this is a short time in what will hopefully be a long life and I can sleep more as they get older.

Wait until you second son is about a year, see how you are doing and talk to your husband at that time if you feel you can’t have more children.

 

[ZemD]

Also the feeling of struggling, and feeling emotional are just normal parts of motherhood and being pregnant. There are good days and bad days, that does not make you a failure. The military lifestyle can be isolating, do you have a friend you can call or text who also has young kids?

 

[Convert26]

I don’t know many people my age with young children. Maybe a 2 or 3 that I’m not particularly close with… I have tried resources within my reach to find support but with Coronavirus happening that has come to a halt. I do have family and a couple close friends as support but they are across the country from me so it makes it hard not having anyone close.

 

[Irishmom2]

Are there any military family support groups?

 

[ZemD]

That is very hard. Having young kids can be isolating on it’s own at times.

I started saying the rosary with my first son at about a year and a half, that 20 minutes a day made a very noticeable difference in my demeanor.

 

[JerryZ]

First I would like to let you know that you are not sinning, questioning and probing GOD’s will is always a challenge. Also I would like to thank your husband for his service and you for the love and support you provide him. I can relate to It being challenging and overwhelming, do you have a support group from the other enlisted wife’s? Or perhaps from your parish church?
I can relate as we have 3 kids and sometimes we thought we could not do it.
The other important note is do educate them in the gospels use them as your guiding light, in these dark times we need or Catholic mothers and fathers to bring more faithful soldiers to the good fight against the evil that wants to take over the world.
We know that Jesus will prevail so keep on fighting.
God Bless!!
Peace!

 

[Convert26]

Thank you so much. Yes there are support groups. I am hoping to get involved in that again soon once the Coronavirus limitations are lifted so that we can do so with our little ones.

 

[Convert26]

I definitely need to get back to saying my rosaries. I have no doubt that it would help me with my emotions and wild running thoughts. I think it always comes down to choosing between a nap, shower or chores during his nap but I think rosary trumps all those things for the most part. Thanks again for your message. I really appreciate the support and quick response.

 

[ZemD]

You can still have your time to yourself! I say my rosary with my kids around. My oldest has his own plastic rosary that he will hold on the couch with me until he gets bored. Then he will wear it while he goes and plays, and he brings it back when he hears “hail holy queen” because he knows it’s almost over! I will pray for your family tonight.

 

[Convert26]

Your prayers are so appreciated, thank you.

 

[Lunam_Meam]

It’s normal during pregnancy to struggle mentally and emotionally due to hormonal changes. However, of course you want to be vigilant of your thoughts, because they can lead to actions. When anxiety strikes take a deep breath, repeat Jesus’s name to yourself, and remember all you have is right now — take life one moment at a time.

As for you and your husband, family unity is important, so be patient and communicative with each other, and support one another in the ways you can. When he’s engaged with military duties, don’t allow yourself to become discouraged, just do your best, and not be too hard on yourself.

In times of trial do not fear, rather look to Mary and Joseph, and how they remained faithful and loving to God, and each other through their own trials, especially at the start of Mary’s pregnancy, and even after the birth of Jesus.

God cannot operate where there is not faith, so have faith in Him, be prayerful, and charitable in your thoughts and actions. He is your Father and friend. Go to Him not only with your worries and sufferings, but thankfulness and joy, and leave them with Him. Call upon Him with confidence, and He will supply what you need, when you need it, and bring order out of disorder.

In conclusion, congratulations on the pregnancy of your second child! They are a gift from God. And, once you’re holding this precious soul in your arms you’ll feel much better.

May your days ahead continue to be blessed! You and your family are in my prayers.

 

[GodIsPerfection]

Welcome to CAF!

I am not female or a mother, so I think you would be better served by responses from Catholic women or mothers who understand the issues of marriage and motherhood as trials and blessings.

Whatever you are thinking is not a sin. Acts may or may not be sinful.

Talk to a Catholic Priest or perhaps a Catholic Chaplain who has encountered these military situations. You need to talk to the priest accompanied by your husband, who can moderate the marital discussion.

Pregnancy is stressful. There are hormonal and body changes that can affect emotions. Don’t be too critical of yourself.

You and your husband need to slow down reproduction for a time. There are Church approved approaches for trying to do this. The husband needs to understand your emotional distress and help you to cope, for now. The big family can still come in good time. God does not want good Catholics to suffer mental breakdown or come to divorce over stresses like this.

You need the emotional support of other women who have been successful in marriage and as mothers. This could be your own mother, mother-in-law, or sisters. If the military has relocated you away from family, get connected with some women in the Church, especially older Catholic women with a long track record of enduring marriages (no matter what) and child-rearing. Older Catholic women might actually enjoy helping you with a new baby or small children, and they can counsel you.

Do not be overzealous and strict about your Catholicism, in a guilty, unloving way, as a new Convert might tend to be. The Blessed Mother, Mary, Mother of God, knows all of your sorrows and difficulties. She wants to help you. She is a mother, too. Pray the Rosary daily (it takes bout 20 minutes). The Blessed Mother will bring love and peace to your home and family.