Scared

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If he is still in your life or knows where to find you, you are not “well”. You have only survived. You are still in great danger.

Get whatever help you need to do it, but get out now. This is not just about your safety, but about your child’s safety and about being there for your child. Think, if not for yourself then as a mother!! If this man attacks you or kills you and then commits suicide, what is that going to do to your child? And what makes you think you are actually protecting the man? You are not! If he wants to commit suicide, he will do it, and you cannot stop him. You can only hope he will not take you and maybe even your child with him.

You are not protecting him. Stop believing his lies and manipulations, and get out now. Not soon!! NOW!! 😦
 
You need to put your daughter and yourself first right now. As someone mentioned before, if you are truly concerned that he will go through with it, call the Suicide Hotline. But other than that, you cannot control anyone’s actions but your own. And if you are afraid for your life, then get out now.

To me, these threats sound like his way of manipulating you.

God bless you,

Christa
 
According to her other posts, he doesn’t.

He tells her he does so she will pay more attention to him. So she won’t leave him. So she will stay up with him all night.

He is mentally abusive.
 
DId I read something right? Did you call people who have advised you to get yourself and your daughter out of a potentially life threatening situation emissaries of SATAN?
 
Help2 said:
In my own home, im terrified. I jump every time he walks into the same room im in because my first thoughts are, hes gonna strangle me to death, then take his own life. He is very possessive of me. Id rather stay than leave and cause another life. :"(
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I’m going to be very blunt here. Do you want the life lost to be yours or your childs?

Your “fiance” is NOT your responsibility. Your child is. Your fiance is dangerous and it is a very real possibility that he could literally kill you and/or your child. Frankly, you should either leave and stay gone or at least send your child to a family member or friend for safety. You have every right to stay with this “man”, but you don’t have a right to subject your child to this.

I was married to an abusive man. Started out a lot like what you describe. February 2000 he strangled me on the stairs of our apartment. I nearly lost consciousness and I did lose control of my bladder. A neighbor called the police and he was arrested, taken to jail to “cool off” for a night, and before he got back I had his stuff packed and on the porch locks changed, done.

The very next day I got a visit from Child Protective Services. The social worker told me she was there due to the situation with my husband and that if I allowed him back into the home she would remove my children from my care.

This is no joke. You need to actually do something. At best this relationship irreparably damages your child, at mid level you lose custody, at worst you and/or your child end up in a coffin.
 
LSK said:
DId I read something right? Did you call people who have advised you to get yourself and your daughter out of a potentially life threatening situation emissaries of SATAN?
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She has come to think of this fellow as religious and good for her and someone God chose for her, so she is questioning why she is being turned from the course she thought God wanted.

This is what she needs to remember, a teaching from the same chapter where Jesus says “Stop judging, that you may not be judged” in the very first verse.

*Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but underneath are ravenous wolves. **By their fruits you will know them. *Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Just so, every good tree bears good fruit, and a rotten tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a rotten tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire. So by their fruits you will know them. Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name?Then I will declare to them solemnly, ‘I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers.
Matt. 7:15-23

OP, you cannot judge whether someone else is worthy of the Kingdom of God or not, but you had better believe you have to judge who you are going to allow to lead you.
 
I can not believe you would expose your child to this, in fact I am horrified. Children are not accessories in our life we just tote around with is where ever we go. They are precious human beings that are depend on their parents for love, protection and safety. You are failing this child by putting this man and his mental problems first. It breaks my heart. How could you allow this innocent child to suffer this? I pray that the Holy Spirit gets a grip on you and wakes you up.
 
EasterJoy said:
She has come to think of this fellow as religious and good for her and someone God chose for her, so she is questioning why she is being turned from the course she thought God wanted.

This is what she needs to remember, a teaching from the same chapter where Jesus says “Stop judging, that you may not be judged” in the very first verse.

*Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but underneath are ravenous wolves. **By their fruits you will know them. ***Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Just so, every good tree bears good fruit, and a rotten tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a rotten tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire. So by their fruits you will know them. Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name?Then I will declare to them solemnly, ‘I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers.
Matt. 7:15-23

OP, you cannot judge whether someone else is worthy of the Kingdom of God or not, but you had better believe you have to judge who you are going to allow to lead you.
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He prays daily with me. He is a very active church goer (once maybe twice a week), he shares daily scripture via email daily with me, he prays every night, does the rosary 4x a week, does confession as needed. We are also living chaste. However there are times when he tempts me and i give in to impure touching; im human. We all fall.
Is THIS NOT RIGHT in the eyes of God??? Do you not see the Holiness in my home?? So then why would God want me uprooted from such good fruits?
Ive come to think that the rage and the terror are just some bad days in our relationship.
 
rayne89 said:
I can not believe you would expose your child to this, in fact I am horrified. Children are not accessories in our life we just tote around with is where ever we go. They are precious human beings that are depend on their parents for love, protection and safety. You are failing this child by putting this man and his mental problems first. It breaks my heart. How could you allow this innocent child to suffer this? I pray that the Holy Spirit gets a grip on you and wakes you up.
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I dont know. I dont. :"(
My child has witnessed many fearful times. Its my failt but you need to also know that i just cant leave! If i leave, it will cost him his life :"( it’ll be my fault. On my conscious FOREVER
 
Help2 said:
He prays daily with me. He is a very active church goer (once maybe twice a week), he shares daily scripture via email daily with me, he prays every night, does the rosary 4x a week, does confession as needed. We are also living chaste. However there are times when he tempts me and i give in to impure touching; im human. We all fall.
Is THIS NOT RIGHT in the eyes of God??? Do you not see the Holiness in my home?? So then why would God want me uprooted from such good fruits?
Ive come to think that the rage and the terror are just some bad days in our relationship.
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Rage is not normal. Threatening is not acceptable.

And a Godly man wouldn’t tempt you, then blame you.
 
Help2 said:
I dont know. I dont. :"(
My child has witnessed many fearful times. Its my failt but you need to also know that i just cant leave! If i leave, it will cost him his life :"( it’ll be my fault. On my conscious FOREVER
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I’m not sure what the laws are in your area, but in California, if someone is threatening suicide, that person is considered a danger to himself and can be held involuntarily in a mental institution for 72 hours, during which time he is evaluated and can start treatment. Sometimes people call this “5150” after the section of the law that describes it.

A police officer can “5150” somebody, but it is not the same as being arrested. You can call the police right after you leave him; they can come and do a “welfare check”, and if needed, take him to a mental facility where he will be closely observed. I think you mentioned he is on parole, but I don’t think a psychiatric hold would not violate his parole, even if initiated by the police.

If he is truly suicidal, he needs professional mental help, which the “5150” would start. If he is threatening it to manipulate you, you should leave him. That is abuse.
 
Help2 said:
He prays daily with me. He is a very active church goer (once maybe twice a week), he shares daily scripture via email daily with me, he prays every night, does the rosary 4x a week, does confession as needed. We are also living chaste. However there are times when he tempts me and i give in to impure touching; im human. We all fall.
Is THIS NOT RIGHT in the eyes of God??? Do you not see the Holiness in my home?? So then why would God want me uprooted from such good fruits?
Ive come to think that the rage and the terror are just some bad days in our relationship.
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No, this is NOT right nor is it truly holy. A holy man would never behave the way this man behaves. A holy man wouldn’t threaten, intimidate, and terrorize a woman and her child nor would he have acquired said woman and child in his life by stealing them from their husband and father. He may be a believer, he may be using faith as a way to keep you there, but what you describe isn’t a holy relationship. It’s sick, twisted, and harmful.
Help2 said:
I dont know. I dont. :"(
My child has witnessed many fearful times. Its my failt but you need to also know that i just cant leave! If i leave, it will cost him his life :"( it’ll be my fault. On my conscious FOREVER
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If her were to actually commit suicide because you left it wouldn’t be on your head. YOU can’t make HIM do anything. HE would be making that choice all on his own. Realistically, though, it’s rare for a person to actually kill themselves when their love interest leaves. Sure, a lot will threaten to do so, but they rarely follow through. And even if this man is so mentally ill and dangerous to himself there is the option of leaving and calling the police to come and make sure he is safe and taken to a mental health facility if needed.

Again, the bottom line is that from your description this man is seriously mentally ill, dangerous to you and your child, and you need to either leave or send your child to live with someone else. If you refuse to see what he is and refuse to leave him, fine. It’s your life to throw away as you choose. But to subject a child to living with such a man is literally criminal. If you won’t take your child and go for both your sake’s then at least send the child to a safe home with people who will love her and look out for her best interests.

Do you want to stand before God someday and have to explain the entirely preventable psychological damage done to the child He blessed you with?
 
Help2 said:
He prays daily with me. He is a very active church goer (once maybe twice a week), he shares daily scripture via email daily with me, he prays every night, does the rosary 4x a week, does confession as needed. We are also living chaste. However there are times when he tempts me and i give in to impure touching; im human. We all fall.
Is THIS NOT RIGHT in the eyes of God??? Do you not see the Holiness in my home?? So then why would God want me uprooted from such good fruits?
Ive come to think that the rage and the terror are just some bad days in our relationship.
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Going to church, saying the rosary, reading scripture are all good things to do. However, these things are not fruits in and of themselves. The “…fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control”. (Galations 5:22-23) This man does not demonstrate any of this, but rather routinely exposes you to temptation, rage and terror.

He is threatening to take his life as a way to control you. In fact, he may even be engaging in these spiritual practices as a way to make think you are in a good and Holy environment. You aren’t.😦 This does not mean you aren’t a good and Holy person, but this is a horrible environment. And it is not what God wants for you or your child. She needs to be your first priority now.

Listen…I know what this is like because I have been through this. Like MJJean I was finally convinced that I needed to leave to protect my daughter. You are isolated and need to find people in your church or community that can help you to understand what is happening to you and put in place a safety plan so you can get away from this nightmare. You can call a domestic violence hotline or battered woman’s shelter and tell them what is going on. I am serious…even if he is not beating you, he is abusing you…and the social workers will help you to understand this. He doesn’t need to beat you because he is controlling you by acting crazy and making threats against himself. He has tricked you into believing you are responsible for him and filling you with a fear that it will be your fault if he dies. It won’t! If he chooses to take his own life, it will be his fault and his alone. And, despite what he says, chances are that he won’t kill himself.

Others have suggested you can call the police if you leave to ensure he doesn’t harm himself. I would encourage you to contact the police department even before you leave. They will almost certainly have an officer that specializes in domestic violence that can help you find the resources you need. They can be involved when you leave, etc. to make it all safer for you, your daughter and him.

Really this is very serious. You and your child are in danger. This is not the way things are supposed to be…
 
Help2 said:
I dont know. I dont. :"(
My child has witnessed many fearful times. Its my failt but you need to also know that i just cant leave! If i leave, it will cost him his life :"( it’ll be my fault. On my conscious FOREVER
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It will NOT be your fault. God gave people free will. If this man chooses to take his life -which I really don’t think will happen, but if it does that is his choice.

God made you a mother and as a mother it is your fault if you choose to stay and expose your child to a very damaging and dangerous situation. Your child can not protect himself. He can not choose. That harm that he experiences is and will be your fault. That is what should be on your conscience FOREVER. God entrusted you with a child to protect and love - and God expects you to put your child first. Do not use this man as an excuse to shirk your responsibility to protect your child. I am being harsh because what you are doing is wrong. The innocent child comes first ALWAYS!
 
Your “fiancé” thinks that it is not a sin for you two to live together in the same house, but I think that he is wrong. Has he not ever heard of the sin of scandal? Does he not realize or care that your living together might tempt some other couple to try the same thing thinking that they too could keep from sleeping together? This man is not as holy as he is trying to portray himself to you. I can’t imagine any priest approving of such a situation. Please take the advise of the other posters here, and get out while you can.
 
You keep complaining about your fiancé, but you don’t seem willing to do anything about it. He says he is devout and religious. Really? Then what is he doing living in your house?

If you’re too scared to do anything drastic, why don’t you just tell him that, as a devout Catholic, you are very uncomfortable having him live with you. Tell him that you feel very guilty having him there, and it would be much more “romantic” if you lived in separate places for now. The goal would be to get him to move out!

From there, maybe you could avoid him more by spending time with your daughter at evening school activities. You need to gradually get this guy out of your life!

Since you are living in your own house, I don’t know why you would have to leave, unless he is extremely dangerous.

Is he contributing a lot of money to your household? I believe this is a question that no one has asked yet. If he is, he could stop doing that and use the money for rent instead.

If you can somehow manage to ignore him more and more, maybe he’ll find someone else to abuse.

The bottom line is that nothing will change until you do something differently. Maybe just a tiny change every day would lead to a big change in the long run.
 
Help2 said:
I dont know. I dont. :"(
My child has witnessed many fearful times. Its my failt but you need to also know that i just cant leave! If i leave, it will cost him his life :"( it’ll be my fault. On my conscious FOREVER
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It is understandable that you believe that now, but it is not true. You don’t have that kind of control over him. You cannot make him do anything or keep him from doing anything, can you? You are more likely to be influencing the outcome of a football game by wearing your lucky game hat. Your feelings are very real, I don’t doubt that. The problem is that you are imagining you have control that you simply do not have. You don’t even know that leaving won’t be the thing that gets him to accept help from someone who can actually help him to save himself. All you know is that he is not getting one thin thread better because of what he has influenced you to do for him. If anything, he is getting worse, isn’t he? (I say this because you would not have let him move in if he had scared you like this in the beginning.)

It is not fair to expect you to just “get” this from your current vantage point. Go talk to real people who have been through what you have, people who can help you find the way that you can’t see even exists. You can do it. Just the one call…you can do it. You can, you can, you can!
 
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