Seeking advice from the married and engaged

[chevalier]

One thing I have noticed about this thread is that all the respondents except for chevalier are women. Why is that?

Because men don’t think about such things, shunning them as not manly enough? Or because it’s not manly to express it? Don’t know. I’m too jaded to care for either.

Well, I do have to say I experienced a great number of what people have enumerated with my last ex. There was no formal engagement, but come on, we were best friends with things always hinting in that direction, for like what together made 20% of her life. There was the “feeling”, the “always there”, the “the woman” factor, the “true love” thing, the “we’ll have a garden” conversation, the “same wavelength” thing (we could finish sentences for each other or read minds). A few days before the break-up, we actually still talked about the future like that. This is not to spoil the fun for anyone, but to say that sometimes you think you know but you don’t really.

Oh, and they say women are the ones who really initiate romantic relationships and the whole chase. Maybe it’s that the ladies more often know it’s the man than guys do. Maybe guys just sort of end up married.

 

[Tiber_Squid]

Thank you everyone for responding to this. You have certainly helped me and I am glad that so many has responded.

One thing I have noticed about this thread is that all the respondents except for chevalier are women. Why is that?

I usually argue war on terror and moral theology and other less touchy feely subjects but caught this topic and got sucked in. I’m an ex-Naval Officer and an engineer/analyst – definitely not your touchy feely emotional poetic type.

It happened to me and I’ve seen it happen to multiple very good friends – I must admit that the “you just know” answer is what I’ve experienced and what I’ve seen. Certainly bring in good council from trusted family and friends that know you well enough while are not too emotionally vested in your decision to marry the other person or not.

As much as I’d like to say there’s a set of 10 things to look at and be able to quantify and qualify every decision – when you find “the right one” you’ll know. It won’t be 100% but you’ll know. It needs to be more thatn infatuation with a particular characteristic and needs to be a well rounded “fit.” It’s best to marry another Christian/Catholic and someone with similar level of educations, etc. – not always. I don’t buy the opposites attract – certainly some opposites in some areas is complementary, but too many opposites in traits can make for sparks down the road.

I’ll echo the post that brings up importance in having some common ground on the big subjects – religion (already mentioned that), money, life goals, etc.

Other thing to balance – is yes Christian love ultimately is an Agape will-driven love that seeks the good of the other. However, there is the good of philial and erotic that can help bind people together. See Pope Benedict’s first encyclical. I don’t submit to the notion that any Christian can marry another Christian – people are simply people. I’m called to love my neighbor (agape, maybe filial) – but I submit there is a much smaller (but certainly more than one) group of people that I would best fit together (compimentarity of the spouses).

Perhaps the best question is will this person help the both of you to go to heaven or not?