It’s definitely hard sometimes, I know. And it sounds as though the type of man you’re looking for may be rather scarce in the area where you presently live. But they are out there; it’s just a matter of finding them.I have been trying to find someone with all the qualities, but as anyone can imagine, finding someone who carries all the traits that you are looking for (there can be more but these are the most important to me)–in no particular order: Good values, family oriented, integrity/morals, financially secure, and Christian.
Of course I would want a man who is kind, educated, well mannered, intelligent, cultured, etc…but those things are negotiable in comparison to the “Top 5”. The physical appearance or race I could care less. Now out of those 5 qualities I have dated men that have 3/5 and even 4/5 but to get all 5 is tough. And I’m not an unreasonable person, I just don’t know where to give/budge. I may be in my 20s but I’m trying to approach this with a long term plan. Prayers for enlightenment would be nice.
I think spending time with one that does not meet the Top 5 is probably making it harder for you to meet someone that is in the Top 5. Also, you mentioned earlier that you would feel bad about ending it when he hasn’t done anything wrong, but wouldn’t it be worse to continue with it and end it later down the road? Why don’t you have a talk with him, let him know how he meets 4 of your top 5 (it nicer words), but we feel you need to marry someone that will share your faith, not just tolerate it. I would have never accepted to marry a person that did not share my faith. I knew too much about the faith at that point to be ok with it. Faith was supposed to support us both in tough times, and one of us lacking that support was not good in my books.I have been trying to find someone with all the qualities, but as anyone can imagine, finding someone who carries all the traits that you are looking for (there can be more but these are the most important to me)–in no particular order: Good values, family oriented, integrity/morals, financially secure, and Christian.
Of course I would want a man who is kind, educated, well mannered, intelligent, cultured, etc…but those things are negotiable in comparison to the “Top 5”. The physical appearance or race I could care less. Now out of those 5 qualities I have dated men that have 3/5 and even 4/5 but to get all 5 is tough. And I’m not an unreasonable person, I just don’t know where to give/budge. I may be in my 20s but I’m trying to approach this with a long term plan. Prayers for enlightenment would be nice.
Hi Sheila,Hi: My first question is, “how old is he?” Are you both within child bearing years? He is able to be a father to children and keep up with your youth?
Let me know, then we can go on from there.
Sheila
3 comments: 1) this advice above is excellent. Why not ask him, if he is serious about you, to go through RCIA. At least then both of you will have more information to go on. And it will do him no harm.I
What about this–tell him that you see a future with him, but will not marry him (or continue in the relationship) unless he agrees to go through RCIA with you. He does not have to join the Church at the end, but he needs to be willing to spend some substantial time learning about something you believe so deeply in. There are plenty of men of science who are ardent Catholics and have resources for you–one of the frequent priests on Catholic Answers has a PHD from Harvard in neuroscience! Then make sure your RCIA program is good and vibrant, if not, maybe choose something similar…
The influence of fathers on their children, especially in the spiritual realm, should never be underestimated. Studies say that it is fathers have more influence than mothers on whether or not children retain the spirituality they were brought up in.3 comments: 1) this advice above is excellent. Why not ask him, if he is serious about you, to go through RCIA. At least then both of you will have more information to go on. And it will do him no harm.
- you don’t want children for several years. That is fine, especially at your age, but you know the church teaches married people to be open to children. If you are faithfully following church teaching, that means you will want to use NFP. Will your husband be okay with that, or resent it and want you to start the pill? (which aside from being a sin, dampens your libido, puts you at risk medically, and is no fun)
- Children usually follow lthe faith of the father. If he has none, or is lukewarm, you will have an uphill struggle. It is immensely easier if the parents are on the same page;