I have a daughter who is 24 and working and lives away from home. My son is 23 and has recently joined college for a graduate program.
My husband and I have always put our needs aside to make the lives of children as comfortable as possible in every way. They were great as kids, good grades, very loving towards family and friends, helpful at home, responsible. My daughter turned out fine. My son was actively involved in sport like basket ball and table tennis. He won lots of prizes in various competitions at school for poetry recitation, drawing, music. He got great grades at school till his final year high school. It all started in his high school. One time, his exams were around the corner and I must admit I was strict about him using the phone or taking very long breaks during his study time. His teachers and principal had high expectations of him and told me to encourage him as a parent. I was never strict about his studies except in the final year high school.
Two days before an exam, his friend invited him for a birthday party and my husband and myself told him not to go for it. My son became very upset. He screamed and yelled and a few things in the house. Shocked at his outburst, I told him, he could go. But he chose not to. From then, I stopped interfering with his studies and never stood in his way of how and when he wanted to do things. My son took this as a green signal that he could bully, yell, scream and shout, destroy things and times use abusive language to get whatever he wanted. What he didnt realize is that, we were doing everything for him, not because we were scared of him, but as parents, doing the best we could . When he was in college as an undergrad, he got worse. He would taunt, bully and cuss more often. He would walk in when my daughter or myself were watching t.v. and would demand he wants to watch T.V., which meant we get up and leave. When we were using the computer, he would tell us to get up and leave and he would keep the PC on, and would be doing other things and use the PC probably an hour later. He would ask me to serve lunch or dinner and the food would be lying on the dining table for an hour or two, as he would be busy talking to friends on his cellphone. When reminded, he would say that he will have his food whenever he wanted. He did have good friends and was not involved in drugs or alcohol. His friends were not difficult or aggressive. My daughter used to be scared of him as he used to bully her, insult her and scare her with his mannerisms, that she used to be choose to be in her room when he was around. She was relieved to be away from him when she had to leave home for college.
Now my son joined university at graduate level and he hasnt changed a bit. During his recent stay with us for one month, I was scared to talk to him, as every simple or pleasant conversation would end up in him becoming arrogant with me, blaming me for ‘not letting him’ do as he pleased as a young boy and put me down in everyway possible. He has forgotten how fortunate he was as a child in every way. He always talks about all the things he couldnt have or couldnt do, and never appreciates all the good things he was blessed with and everything he has or could do which many of his friends or classmates couldnot. When he joined university for his graduate course a few days ago, I rang him up and he said, he’d talk to me later as he was going for a shower. I never got any offlines or email or anything from him. He continually expect my husband and I to keep fulfilling all his needs and is absolutely mean and inconsiderate to us. Though he was mean to my daughter, she rings him up and talks to him. She sent him some money when she first got her her pay, he never bothered to thank her for it.
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