Sending son to Catholic school for the wrong reasons

[Saint_Michael]

Earlier in the year my wife and I decided to send my son to public school because we are tight with money. However upon taking my son to orientation we noticed he was only one of five white students, and the majority of the students were Muslim (we live in Brooklyn in an area that has a high concentration of Muslims).

Well anyway I feel pretty badly about making the decision based on race (moreso on religion), but kids I think will ostracize my son for 1. being white 2. being a non-Muslim. The Catholic school is 89% white and the rest hispanic and Asian which I feel is a better environment for my son, since there will be kids he can relate to, and won’t “gang up” on him for being different.

Bottom line I feel like a racist, but I also realize that I made the right decision for my son as backward as the reasoning seems. Has anyone out there struggled with a similar situation, or decided on Catholic school for all the wrong reasons?

I don’t consider myself a bigot, and I get along with other people just fine and in no way think I or my son are better than anyone, but I also live in the real world, and in Brooklyn especially amongst Muslims people get very “clannish” for lack of a better word.

 

[Jabronie]

Just pray for God to take away any (involuntary) prejudice feelings you might have had. Maybe He used this temporary weakness as a reason for you to send your child to Catholic school?

And don’t beat yourself up over this. If you were indeed a bigot, you would feel justified in making such a decision.

 

[puzzleannie]

we sent our children to parochial school (70s) because the public school they would have been bussed to was 90% white, guess they judged on our zip code and did not bother to check their actual race. We had deliberately moved to a well integrated neighborhood because we felt well integrated schools were healthier but bussing changed that. 30 years later after court ordered bussing our town’s schools are more segregated than ever and have gone from one of the best to one of the worst public systems in the nation. our parochial school meanwhile maintained a ratio of roughly 50% white, 30% black, 10% Hispanic and 10% Asian during the 14 years our children attended. Also about 70% Catholic, 30% non-Catholic during the same time.

 

[masondoggy]

I can’t blame you for the decision that you made. Racial tensions do find their way into schools and that’s not something I would want my kids to have to deal with either. They need to be able to focus on their education rather than constantly having to prove themselves because they’re the only white kid in the class. This has nothing to do with being prejudice or a bigot.

The truth is, it may not be a big deal in younger grades, but in older grades, the pressure will be on.

 

[Gerry_Hunter]

Pray on this. Sending your son to a Catholic school is something that will certainly get the attention of the Enemy – the one who is not flesh and blood. He is a liar, and more pointedly in this instance, the accuser of the brethren. Do not dismiss the possibility that this is an attack aimed at thwarting your decision, based on a false accusation.

And be mindful, when you pray, that the Good Shepherd may say to his sheep, “We are going to have to do something about the burrs in your fleece,” but He never says, “Bad sheep!” If that message insinuates itself during your prayer, know that it is not from heaven, but from hell.

Blessings,

Gerry

 

[Saint_Michael]

Pray on this. Sending your son to a Catholic school is something that will certainly get the attention of the Enemy – the one who is not flesh and blood. He is a liar, and more pointedly in this instance, the accuser of the brethren. Do not dismiss the possibility that this is an attack aimed at thwarting your decision, based on a false accusation.

And be mindful, when you pray, that the Good Shepherd may say to his sheep, “We are going to have to do something about the burrs in your fleece,” but He never says, “Bad sheep!” If that message insinuates itself during your prayer, know that it is not from heaven, but from hell.

Blessings,

Gerry

Thank you great advice, I’m a novice at praying, I don’t really get it yet, but I will try. Thanks to everyone who responded too.

The money is tight it’s an extra $600 a month, plus my wife goes on maternity in about two months so we’ll be shy another $1,000 take home. That means in two months I’ll be $1,600 negative and I’m already living pay check to pay check.

But in all I feel great about getting my son in Catholic school, It’s something I always wanted, but the wife was not keen on the money it was going to cost. But during the P.S. orientation when she realized her son would be one of 5 kids like him in the entire grade of over 90 students, and most were Muslim who we’ve witnessed are not permitted to play with my son (at local parks and on the street parents will pull their Muslim children away), she gladly relented. I’m not proud of why I made the decision as I like to think of myself as open minded, but I like the decision all the same.

Thanks again, I think I’m at peace with this. Now I just need $1,600 a month to cover Catholic school and another baby.

 

[crystal]

Hi,

I don’t think you’re being prejudiced at all. You’re not saying anything disparaging about other cultures. You’re simply making a decision to send your son to a school that you believe will be the best fit for him. That’s a god thing to do. (typo but I think I’ll leave it You have your son’s welfare in mind.

I can easily see why you feel conflicted about why you made the decision but I see it from an educator’s perspective. I taught school for 11 years and I’ve read in educational publications that the best thing parents can do for their children is to find a good fit for them when it comes to school and programs etc…That makes perfect sense to me. I think your son is lucky to have such mindfully caring parents.

A good fit can mean choosing a school/program for a variety of reasons. It can be because of the socio-cultural dynamics as in your case, or to protect them from a bully situation, or because of the content of the subject matter (i.e. math/science magnet schools), an awesome music program, a particular teacher (good or bad), all girls’ schools, and any other reason that the parent may have. When you have your child’s welfare in mind you’re on the right track.

Crystal

 

[Island_Oak]

Earlier in the year my wife and I decided to send my son to public school because we are tight with money. However upon taking my son to orientation we noticed he was only one of five white students, and the majority of the students were Muslim (we live in Brooklyn in an area that has a high concentration of Muslims).

Well anyway I feel pretty badly about making the decision based on race (moreso on religion)…

No you don’t or you would have made a different decision. You lead with your primary concern–regardless of how your tried to rationalize it after the fact.

Have you considered that this environment is where you LIVE? Pulling your son out for a couple hours a day won’t change that. If you feel so outnumbered and uncomfortable, why are you there?! If you plan to stay, as opposed to moving to a place where you match the prevailing color scheme, consider that making an effort to integrate into this community would help–you and your son–to learn about, accept and respect your neighbors and look deeper than their skin color and differing religious choice. If you see them as neighbors, friends, people–instead of colors–you might feel differently and have a more positive influence on your son and the greater community. Prejudice is never pretty or justifiable.

 

[Saint_Michael]

No you don’t or you would have made a different decision. You lead with your primary concern–regardless of how your tried to rationalize it after the fact.

Have you considered that this environment is where you LIVE? Pulling your son out for a couple hours a day won’t change that. If you feel so outnumbered and uncomfortable, why are you there?! If you plan to stay, as opposed to moving to a place where you match the prevailing color scheme, consider that making an effort to integrate into this community would help–you and your son–to learn about, accept and respect your neighbors and look deeper than their skin color and differing religious choice. If you see them as neighbors, friends, people–instead of colors–you might feel differently and have a more positive influence on your son and the greater community. Prejudice is never pretty or justifiable.

LOL you don’t know Brooklyn, it sure isn’t the Pacific Northwest…

I think you should reread my posts, and not two sentences out of context before judging me so harshly. Call it whatever you want but unless you would send your child to a school that is 75% Muslim 23% other, and only about 2% white, then you should not be so judgmental of me. I’m not going to subject my son to what I went through as only one of a handful white kids in a tough Brooklyn area.

Not all of us can financially pack and move to the suburbs and pay the $300 a month LIRR pay, raised rents, raised everything to live there. Our area isn’t bad, Muslims aren’t bad just secluded and they do not integrate or associate with non Muslims. What sense does it make to send my son to a school where he is a pariah to 75% of the kids?

Anyway I spoke with my Priest about it, I’m at peace with it, you are not the judge of me. You are not in any position to tell me what I feel bad about or not, or that I’m a bad influence on my son, how dare you really?

Thank goodness for blocked user lists…

 

[Island_Oak]

LOL you don’t know Brooklyn, it sure isn’t the Pacific Northwest…

What do you think you know of my background? Keep in mind a current location is hardly an exhaustive indicator of life experience.

Our area isn’t bad, Muslims aren’t bad just secluded and they do not integrate or associate with non Muslims.

Then they DO have something in common with their white, Catholic neighbors.

Anyway I spoke with my Priest about it, I’m at peace with it, you are not the judge of me. You are not in any position to tell me what I feel bad about or not, or that I’m a bad influence on my son, how dare you really?

I guess it is true…that mirrors are some of the most dangerous things you can point at people.

You are the best and only valid judge of what is best for your child given the totality of your circumstances. I am not judging you. I simply am challenging your attempts to rationalize your isolation on the basis of race–which is what YOU emphasized in your post–even if rubber-stamped by a priest. You will not have perfect congruity with your neighbors of different culture, religion, values etc. But you live in an area that is heavily Muslim. Isn’t the the beauty and burden of living in a place like Brooklyn? Is there any room in your defensiveness for a middle ground?

[Deleted uncharitable remarks]

 

[Saint_Michael]

Hi,

I don’t think you’re being prejudiced at all. You’re not saying anything disparaging about other cultures. You’re simply making a decision to send your son to a school that you believe will be the best fit for him. That’s a god thing to do. (typo but I think I’ll leave it You have your son’s welfare in mind.

I can easily see why you feel conflicted about why you made the decision but I see it from an educator’s perspective. I taught school for 11 years and I’ve read in educational publications that the best thing parents can do for their children is to find a good fit for them when it comes to school and programs etc…That makes perfect sense to me. I think your son is lucky to have such mindfully caring parents.

A good fit can mean choosing a school/program for a variety of reasons. It can be because of the socio-cultural dynamics as in your case, or to protect them from a bully situation, or because of the content of the subject matter (i.e. math/science magnet schools), an awesome music program, a particular teacher (good or bad), all girls’ schools, and any other reason that the parent may have. When you have your child’s welfare in mind you’re on the right track.

Crystal

Thanks a lot Crystal, I truly do think this is the best decision for my son. In a perfect world there is no color, or superficial prejudices. However I live in the real world, and I know my son will not be accepted by the Muslim students in the public school, and it’s too crucial for a 5 year old to be accepted by his peers and not ostracized for me to gamble with. I know it’s the right decision, and one I stick by.

 

[Maria1212]

Thanks a lot Crystal, I truly do think this is the best decision for my son. In a perfect world there is no color, or superficial prejudices. .

Hi Saint_Michael,

I wanted to write you a quick post to say that my parents sent me to Catholic school, and it was the best thing they ever did for me. It was a huge financial sacrifice that I did not fully appreciate until later. One option down the road might be finding a Catholic School that has more of a diverse population. But I think sending your child to a Catholic school is an excellent decision, and he will be better off because of it for multiple reasons.

Sincerely,
Maria1212

 

[MaryD7]

Thanks a lot Crystal, I truly do think this is the best decision for my son. In a perfect world there is no color, or superficial prejudices. However I live in the real world, and I know my son will not be accepted by the Muslim students in the public school, and it’s too crucial for a 5 year old to be accepted by his peers and not ostracized for me to gamble with. I know it’s the right decision, and one I stick by.

I completely understand your dilema and your ultimate decision. I live in Queens in an area that has a high Indian population. Not only is there a cultural barrier but there is a language barrier. Play dates are almost none existent because the parents don’t speak English so therefore we cannot communicate. The children seem to get along fine but there is like an unwritten nuance that my sons are different and not part of their community so therefore they are excluded.

One of my sons goes to the neighborhood parish school. He has more in common with his peers and the language barrier doesn’t exist between the parents. He has a much more developed social life than he did when he went to the public school and, in our eyes, this will serve him well in the future.

I don’t think that looking out for our children’s social development is a bad thing … it’s part of our jobs as parents. What purpose would it serve to have them spend the major part of their day in an environment that isn’t best for them just to prove that we aren’t prejudice? Whose interests are we trying to serve, ours or theirs?

 

[HollyDolly]

I think it was a wise choice.And I hope the Lord gives you a blessing to help with the money situation.
Didn’t know there were so many Indians in Queens or Muslims in Brooklyn. Im sure many of these people are decent and nice,but it is hard to find out if they isolate them selves from others.It might be the same way if you lived in mainly a hassidic part of the city,but then again not.
You have to do what’s best for your son.
Children can sometimes break barriers down but it is sad how adults re erect them again.
Never went to a school where one goup was the majority and whites a minority.Ever one were i went to school was just a mix of kids(dad was air force).We kids never worried about such things.
If you think it’s hard with the kids,think about marrying into one of these families.Here in San Antonio,the schools are mixed,though some on the east or south sides may have blacks or hispanics as a majority.Most of these kids get along and even date one another. While there are some Muslims here,most are Catholic or Protestant ,with a few Greek Orthodox,Maronite Catholics,and a few hindus here and there.
You did what was best and that should be enough for anyone.

 

[Utah_Gentile]

We are in a similar situation after to moving to Salt Lake City, Utah last summer. Being a minority (Catholic) in a Mormon dominated culture requires some careful choices. The way I see it, my children did not choose to move here and they should not have to struggle with Mormons pressing in on them every day. Their school is a safe haven and a great way to support our efforts to raise them Catholic.

 

[mlchance]

Here’s what the Church says:
As those first responsible for the education of their children, parents have the right to choose a school for them which corresponds to their own convictions. This right is fundamental. As far as possible parents have the duty of choosing schools that will best help them in their task as Christian educators. Public authorities have the duty of guaranteeing this parental right and of ensuring the concrete conditions for its exercise.

– Mark L. Chance.

 

[Saint_Michael]

We are in a similar situation after to moving to Salt Lake City, Utah last summer. Being a minority (Catholic) in a Mormon dominated culture requires some careful choices. The way I see it, my children did not choose to move here and they should not have to struggle with Mormons pressing in on them every day. Their school is a safe haven and a great way to support our efforts to raise them Catholic.

That’s interesting, I actually had a job opportunity in Salt Lake City and thought of taking it, since I could afford a nice home and my wife could stay home. But it was too far from my family, and I was concerned about the Mormon influence on my kids. Dating Mormon’s, getting invited to testimony meetings etc… So I turned it down, and stayed in Brooklyn.

I stayed home today to pick my son up from school and he loved it, this was the right decision, I’m sure of it.

 

[dulcissima]

We are in a similar situation after to moving to Salt Lake City, Utah last summer. Being a minority (Catholic) in a Mormon dominated culture requires some careful choices. The way I see it, my children did not choose to move here and they should not have to struggle with Mormons pressing in on them every day. Their school is a safe haven and a great way to support our efforts to raise them Catholic.

A friend of mine had the same problem when her husband was transferred to SLC. They found that they fit in better in Park City.

 

[HouseArrest]

You’re not really sending him to the Catholic school for the wrong reasons. (It sounds as if) It’s not as though you don’t like the school, think the public school has a better program, checked it out and are only going to the Catholic school for this one reason. Obviously you are happy with it, right? So there are actually many reasons, this being one of them, the one that was the “tie breaker”.

You may have actually been sending him to the public school for the wrong reason, which was the tuition cost. You might struggle but the Lord will help you. Believe me. We have 5 children in Catholic school, I’m having our 7th in 2007, and have been a SAHM for 10 years. Somehow, we keep affording it. I’m not pretending to know your situation with finances, but I just wanted to let you know I’m not sitting here with a million dollar house spouting out how affordable things are, I feel your pain and know it is worth it!

Good Luck and I hope he has a great year!

 

[movingmom]

Kids can be cruel. if you are going to a school where you are an EXTREME minority, it will be very hard for a young child to stand up for his/her rights/religion. It shouldn’t be up to a child to fend for him/herelf to prove a point. And yes, other religions, i.e Mormons and Muslims, tend to not welcome outsiders. Shocking, I know. I would love to see a mom or dad be happy about sending Johnny to a school where they are an extreme minority BY CHOICE. If you want to get along, try to evangelize, after school, when the adults may be around…and possibly listening.